How to talk about race as a dad
Doyin Richards shares his tips on talking about race as a father. The author, keynote speaker and podcast host is a Super-dad to two daughters and opens up about how all dads can be active in the anti-racism space.
Video Transcript
DOYIN RICHARDS: Have you seen the news lately? As a dad, what can you do to help make the world a better place when it comes to race relations?
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One major tip when raising anti-racist children is to ensure that they are not raised to be color blind, because in doing so you're basically saying that everyone's experiences are the same. Well, guess what? My experiences as a black man are different than a white man's or an Asian man's. And quite frankly, kids may not understand that level of nuance when it comes to race.
Look over my shoulder here. That book, "What's the Difference?", is a book that I wrote that literally introduces children to diversity and inclusion. One metaphor that I use in there is about the sky. And I say the sky is blue during the day, it is black at night. And if colors could talk, they would tell different stories about what they see when it's their turn to light up the world. And that's something that any child can understand.
If you happen to not have diversity in your town, then go out of your town. Take a day trip or road trip to your nearest city, eat some ethnic food, take your kids to a playground with diverse children. In this day and age there's absolutely no excuse to not expose your children to diversity and inclusion.
The next thing is to explain the Black Lives Matter movement to children. This is really simple stuff-- I just use metaphors, because they get metaphors. Let's say a kid breaks his ankle, goes to the doctor, he's crying. He's like, doctor, I broke my ankle, it hurts! And the doctor says, you know what, all bones matter. And the kid's like OK, but my ankle, my ankle's broken. Well guess what? Wrists matter. Femurs matter. All bones matter! Your kid would look at you like, what are you talking about? My ankle is in pain, help me!
And that's what the Black Lives Matter movement is. It's just saying that currently, black lives are in crisis. Just like that broken ankle is the bone that's in crisis, you take care of what's in crisis, because once that ankle bone is equally healthy as every bone in the body, then all bones matter. All lives can't matter until Black Lives Matter.
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As fathers, we have many friends who are also dads. The one thing that I see as a place of growth for our fellow dads is that we're not calling out racism when we see it. It's like oh, that's just Johnny being Johnny. He's got that sense of humor, you know, he doesn't mean anything, he's not racist. No, no, Johnny's being a jerk. You have two choices when it comes to this-- you can call it out or you can do nothing. When you choose to do nothing, you're choosing to be on the side of the oppressor.
And also, don't be afraid to make mistakes. What would you tell your kids who are trying to learn a new thing, and they try it one time and they make a mistake and they're like, I'm done, I quit. Can't quit!
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See the shirt I'm wearing? It says exhaust dad? This is so exhausting, this news cycle. And quite frankly, it's even more exhausting for me because I suffer from mental illness. I suffer from depression. And that's something that dudes do not talk about, because the stigma out there says you can't-- gotta man up, gotta flex your muscles. No, no, no, no. True strength is in vulnerability. Let your kids know it's OK to be overwhelmed, it's OK to be sad, it's OK to be angry.
Step back and take some time for yourself. Do something that you love. Could be playing video games, it could be going on a walk, it could be throwing the football in the backyard with your kiddos. It could be whatever it is, but just take some time to decompress. And remember, we need you. Because unless all of us are free, none of us are free.
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