Why the School Car Line Made Me Lose My Faith in Humanity

Who knew school drop-off could be so infuriating?
Who knew school drop-off could be so infuriating?

I'm a big fan of procedures and rules, which I realize makes me a total dork, but rules keep us safe and they give us a guide to follow so we know what and how we are supposed to do things. I'd rather be a rule-following dork than many of the rule-breaking people who misuse my son's elementary school car line for drop-off and pick-up.

At the beginning of the school year, besides trying to figure out exactly how kindergarten actually worked, I was also anxious to learn how the car line would work. I didn't want to be that parent who messed up the carefully planned system, thus creating gridlock and general car line mayhem. WELL. There are apparently quite a lot of people that don't mind being that parent in the car line. They quite possibly are going to cause me to have a heart attack right there in line, which of course I wouldn't want, because THAT WOULD REALLY CAUSE HAVOC in the car line drop-off process.

Related: 7 reasons why it's good to be a "Mean Mom"

There are four types of car line offenders that aside from being arrested and charged with Endangering a Minor or Being a Jerk, should at least get a fine of one million dollars, payable to me, Jennifer Doyle.

1. The General Car Line Rule Ignorer
Sure there's a pre-mapped way to go through the line, but cutting in line, parking and getting out of the car in the line, or just plain bypassing the line are totally and completely fine in these offenders' eyes. Some of these offenses are simply annoying and rude, but others are actually putting their children in danger as they drop them off where they'll be forced to cross the car line traffic to get to school. Car line rule ignorers, are you drunk?!

2. The Car Line Texter
I will admit to looking at my phone in the car when we are at a complete stand still in the drop-off line (probably because of those General Car Line Rule Ignorers, but ANYWAY), but the moment my car goes into motion, the phone gets put away. Every single day I witness people actively texting as they try to maneuver the curves in the road. I cannot fathom any LOL-ing to be so important that it can't wait until the car is stopped. UR DUM, KWIM?! LOL!

Related: School bans parents in pajamas from dropping their kids off at school

3. The My Phone Call is So Important I Can't Be Bothered to Say Goodbye to My Child Offender
Our school uses parents to help assist in opening car doors in the mornings. I am always flabbergasted when I'm on duty and a parent is on the phone as their child is getting out of the car and little Billy says, "Bye Mommy/Daddy!" and Mommy/Daddy just keeps chatting away on their phone without so much as a hand gesture or goodbye as they drive away.

4. The My Child Doesn't Need to Be in a Car Seat Because I'm Such a Great Driver
My husband and I are VIGILANT about our children being in car seats, which is why I find it utterly shocking when I see a kindergarten classmate hanging out of the front passenger seat window (yes, really) as they cross over a very busy intersection near the school. What is WRONG with these people?

Related: How celebrity parents take their kids to school

From safety violations to just plain annoying behavior, these rule-breaking parents almost make me lose my faith in humanity, which maybe is a bit of an bit of an overreaction. It's just not in my DNA to willfully break a rule, let alone put my kid in danger! Perhaps I shouldn't let these things bother me and just worry about myself?

Do you have any car line offender types at your school that I didn't mention?

- Jennifer Doyle

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Playgroups Are No Place for Children reminds us that not all mom blogs have to cover sensitive subjects to catch our attention. 2009 Top Mom Blogger Jennifer Doyle is extremely likable in a way that makes us wish she was our best friend. She's funny without being snarky, loving without being overly sentimental, and self-deprecating without being a downer.