Parenting Guru: Sometimes, I lose it. Do you?

My ex and I are the divorced, co-parenting couple, that people look up to. At my daughter Sarah's elementary school, I was the go-to girl when someone was going through a divorce. I've actually made quite a few friends by serving in this role. Women I had never met before would seek me out to learn my secrets for happy co-parenting. The biggest secret? You never, ever say a bad word about your ex in front of your kids, or in any way show your frustration, etc. with your ex in front of your kids. Easy.

My daughter Sarah had a cheer competition in another city one weekend. Her dad, stepmom, and stepsister planned on attending.

Well, I made a mistake about the weekend. I knew right where the competition was, but I thought it was called something else. I told them the wrong venue. They arrived for her performance a few minutes late, to the wrong venue, so there was no way they could get across town in time to see her perform.

Her dad was furious with me for my mistake and dressed me down about it, in front of Sarah. And as soon as he had gone, I broke down into tears, and angrily ranted about the fact that if they had arrived even a few minutes early, (they are always late to things), my truly innocent mistake would not have been the problem that it was. I think I cursed a little bit in the rant as well. And I launched into a few other topics about her dad (in addition to always being late) that were frustrating me at the time.

It was bad. It was totally against everything I try to do as a good co-parent. I completely, and totally, lost it in front of my distressed child. Distressed because she had never seen me distressed and did not know how to handle that.

Once I had pulled myself together, the challenge of recovering from my rant was before me. I talked to my daughter about what had happened. About how I had made a mistake. About how her dad was upset to have missed her performance. About how he should have behaved, and how I should have behaved. We talked about how sometimes, we get a little too emotional, and behave in ways we should not (and I was mostly talking about myself). We talked about how both her dad and I made mistakes that day. I apologized to my daughter for my behavior, and I again talked about how great of a dad she has, and how much he loves her, even if he does lose his temper sometimes with me. I was just painfully honest with her about the whole situation.

Ultimately, I don't think any real harm was done, but mostly because of the honest conversation after the fact. It's okay for our kids to know we aren't perfect. I wish I had not behaved the way that I did, but in the end, it's not all bad for Sarah to see me being totally human and falling apart.

Falling apart, but more importantly, coming back together, and owning my bad behavior.

Do you think it's okay to occasionally fall apart in front of your kids?

Clare is a Shine Parenting Guru. A single, working mom to a tween daughter in Austin TX, Clare spends a lot of her time managing her various alter egos when not focusing on the one that's a mother. You can read more from her at "Life on the C Train"