Baby Name Etiquette: Yes, There Are Rules

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is a far more arduous task than you probably ever thought. Like looking for a new house, the search starts out really fun and quickly becomes one of the most painful chores you could ever imagine.

Do you tell people the REAL names you're considering?

When I was pregnant the first time, I was certain I was having a girl, simply because I wanted one and she would be named Bella (and this was a million years before "Twilight" by the way). Everyone had an opinion, "Bella? That's a fat girl's name" or "Bella...that's...(pause) interesting." It didn't end up mattering since I had a boy but parents are understandably timid in sharing their future baby's name. There is a certain sense of vulnerability that comes along with putting the name out there because they know they are going to have to listen to everyone's personal opinion. People are quick to tell you who they don't like who had that name, what the name means or even what sort of butchered nickname they intend to call your baby based on that name.

Sharing your future baby's name is in some small way, kinda like saying "I love you" for the first time when you're not entirely sure how it will be received. By the time future Mommy and Daddy have agreed on a name, it's cause for major celebration because they have had to first weed out all the horrid names each other has suggested, done sufficient homework on whether they can live with the name's meaning and determined whether the name is childhood-cruelty free. I can honestly say, I have never given an opinion less than complimentary when a pregnant woman has revealed her baby's name to me. I have heard plenty of ugly or vanilla names in my day and still, I have always found something kind to say in response. Something like, "Ruth, well that is a classic biblical name. Do you have a Ruth in the family or do you just love the name?" The last thing you want to do is insult a name that could easily belong to a deceased beloved family member these saints are attempting to honor, even if you, the supposed authority, doesn't particularly like the name. Even an unusual name coming from your friend deserves, "Ooo, [insert name], that is so unusual, where did you find that name?" I mean, is it really that hard? That being said, for every terrible name you've heard, you have probably heard at least half as many really good ones.

This leads me to the inevitable danger of name stealing.

Consider this a public service announcement. We all know girls who steal. They don't steal material things, nope. They steal things like baby names, wedding songs and pregnancy announcement ideas. These opportunists steal from visionaries like you and me because while they lack imagination, they are cunning enough to prey on your naive confession of personal future plans long before you ever had an opportunity to execute them. It hurts when you learn you've been a victim of such personal theft. Consider this, say you've publicized the name Chloe as a personal favorite and you've imagined the day you'd nurse little Chloe to sleep in her Pottery Barn nursery for years. Then one fateful day your "friend" gets married and pops out a girl, only to name her Chloe. Imagine how violated you'd feel as a single gal without so much as a marital prospect in your life? It's not like the name belonged to you per se, but it did. Just because she crossed the finish line first, doesn't make her entitled. Only your true girlfriends or your mom could truly appreciate the sense of betrayal and loss you undoubtedly experienced. A man would never understand this; he'd be like, "What's the big deal. You didn't own the name. You're not even pregnant." With that, be careful who you share intimate life plans with. A true friend would never begrudge you the Pottery Barn dream, no matter how delicious you made it sound and she'd support you even if you decided to use that crazy celebutot name.

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