By Kelli Cooper for BounceBack.com
While we can always choose our perspective on how to view all the things that happen in our lives, I think we can all agree that certain situations are generally viewed as less pleasant and we could happily live without ever experiencing them. This may include things like financial difficulties, and bad relationships and all that entails in the aftermath.
With that being said, however, it is the toughest times that have taught me the most, enabled me to grow tremendously and really helped me figure out who I was and what I wanted, which helped me start living the life I really wanted to live. Going through a divorce or a break-up can suck big time in a million different ways, but failed relationships are a profound learning opportunity if we allow them to be. What we can learn will not only help us find a better one in the future, it can help us figure out other aspects of our lives and ourselves as well.
What Do I Need to Work On In Myself?
None of us are perfect - no major revelations there. But while we all know this, many of us really never take the time to engage in self-examination. We act out of deeply ingrained habits and the false idea that our personalities are set in stone and are unchangeable as our DNA. We carry around a lot of stuff in our subconscious mind, the part of our mind that controls everything we do and a lot of what is going on down there is causing us a variety of woes in our life. We make life more difficult for ourselves without realizing the power we have to change it.
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When relationships end, we tend to blame the other person or other circumstances outside of ourselves. Now, I am not saying that these things definitely never play a role because they very well might. It really depends on the relationship. I am a big believer in the idea that our thoughts, beliefs and expectations play a large role in creating our reality and if you are experiencing relationship troubles, there is a good chance that you are contributing at least partially. Maybe you are a bit too controlling, maybe your low self-esteem is leading you to always date people who treat you badly, maybe you are too cynical, maybe you have very little tolerance for the imperfections of others. You get the point.
If you can withstand the discomfort that comes along with taking a long, hard look in the mirror, you can take an objective look at your less than ideal aspects of yourself, things you need to work on. This is not about beating yourself up and berating yourself - we all have our issues. It is about developing awareness of what we can improve in ourselves so we can improve our lives.
What Type of Relationship And Person Do I Really Want?
A failed relationship is a great starting point to figure out what type of relationship you actually want. Experiencing things we do not want can be unpleasant for sure, but they give the gift of clarity. Figuring out what you do not want sets the stage for figuring out what you do. This may sound very obvious and it is, but I find that the most obvious, simple truths that can lead to our happiness and well-being are often dismissed. Really thinking about what we want is quite simple, but we often do not engage in this type of deliberate thought. We tend to complain, be negative, and talk about all the things we do not want instead. You may think this accomplishes a similar goal but focusing on what you do not want will bring you more of it, I promise you that.
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Relationships are very unique to the two people involved and there is no blanket set of requirements or ways of being that apply across the board. Often times we try to force things and compromise when it is not necessary. We base our desires and expectations on how other people have decided things should be, what type of people are desirable,etc.
What Type of Life Do I Really Want?
Our romantic relationships impact our lives in a way that other relationships simply do not. You are building and sharing a life with this person. There are a million different reasons a relationship can fail and one of the biggies is desiring a different type of life. Some things are really not open to negotiation or compromise, like wanting or not wanting children. If you want to live a life of adventure, dating someone who values security and a steady paycheck above all else is unlikely to produce a harmonious union. Examining what went wrong in our failed unions can give a very revealing picture of what you want in your life overall, not just relationship-wise.
Related: Whatever You Believe Will Be True For You
The suckiest events in life can also be the greatest thing to ever happen to us because they provide unique opportunities for deep self-reflection and questioning. While we can do this at any time, we often have to be forced into it from outside circumstances.
What have YOU learned from your failed relationships?
Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who runs the personal development blog Life Made to Order . She is also the author of Passing on Parenthood: A Childfree Woman Speaks Out .She has a passion for personal development and sharing what she has learned in her own journey to help others improve their lives as well.
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life,BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.
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