It's being called the most insane email a bride has ever sent to her bridesmaids. But if you've been in enough wedding parties, you probably won't be too shocked by the epic bridezilla missive going viral this week.
The email, sent anonymously to Gawker, starts off by addressing the 10 "lovely" bridesmaids tasked with being unpaid interns for the worlds worst bridal boss. It goes on to anticipate their failures as friends and humans.
Thirty bridesmaids, one bride. It happened.
And while it represents all that is wrong with the wedding industry, it's also part of a trend for brides to send an "opening email" to bridesmaids with a list of expectations (i.e. demands, dates, overview of expected financial expenditure, etc.) Brides on forums like Wedding Bee and The Knot debate how to present their demands to bridesmaids. Do you send a group email? Do you create a newsletter with updates? Do you outline what the bridesmaid's job entails?
The cost of being a bridesmaid
Do we need to say this is not the best way to get a bunch of people to do a you a favor? It seems like we do. Here's a response to the bridezilla email [read in its entirety here] from the perspective of the bridesmaid:
TO THE MOST DIFFICULT BRIDE EVER:
You wrote: "As you all know I picked 10 wonderful ladies to stand by my side, share and make happen my special day to Jake. Each of you individually have a reason and a special place in my heart of why I picked you to be a bridesmaid"
FIRSTLY, IT'S NOT AN HONOR TO BE A BRIDESMAID, IT'S A FAVOR.
Everything you said is really nice, but the fact that ten of us were chosen for the honor makes us feel more like an army than a select group of friends.
You wrote: "You may have already knew that my wonderful sister L- will be the Maid of Honor, she's in charge under me. Also my lovely mom will be a big help as well. L- has a big role in throwing me a bridal shower and bachelorette party, of course all of you guys do but at the end of the day shes the go to person and makes it happen."
WE DON'T NEED A BRIDESMAIDS' MILITARY RANKING. WE'RE GOOD.
Another thing that makes us feel less special? Being told where we are in the hierarchy of specialness.
You wrote: "We have set our date for Saturday, August 31, 2013 in Vail, Colorado. That seems far away but it really isn't, the earlier the planning the better."
YOUR PARTY ISN'T A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE
For you, this wedding may feel like a personal Oscars, the most significant event of 2013, but for us it's just a night where we drink and eat. It's really hard to get excited about dinner a year from now.
You wrote: "If you guys email anything I would also like you to put L- in the CC. Not all the bridesmaid need to be CC'd unless its coming from me or L-, if it something everyone needs to see then well do it."
YOU'RE NOT A CEO ADDRESSING NEW HIRES
I know you feel like you're running an enterprise, but we're not getting paid. In fact, in your business plan we all "spend" money, so you're going to have to work on the incentives before you start micro-managing.
You wrote: "We set the date to August 31, 2013 if that's a problem we need to know NOW. Also by the end of the week we will be setting dates for the engagement party, bridal show and bachelorette party."
MORE THAN 2 EMAILS ABOUT YOUR 2013 WEDDING IN THE SAME WEEK WILL FORCE US TO FILE YOUR NAME UNDER SPAM.
Really August 31st? I think I'm doing something on that date. Oh wait, I'm going to the wedding you just gave us the date for two sentences ago. We got it. Also, your warning about further dates suggests several more emails like this one, which is already not going well. How about you save this email as a draft and send the whole shebang when you've got all your dates together? Thanks.
You wrote: "Our wedding party is really the most important people at the wedding besides my self and Jake so we want every single one of our bridesmaid and grooms at our parties… if you already know you cant make one of the parties then we have to find someone else, not to be harsh in the slightest it would sadden me and of course you'll still be invited to our wedding, engagement ect."
IF YOU WANT OUR HELP, PLEASE DON'T THREATEN US
...And you have to write, "not to be harsh," you're being harsh.
You wrote: "The wedding as I stated will be in Vail the engagement party will either be in NY or CT and the bachelorette party will be in Vegas, cliche yeaa but I've never been…if you wont be able to afford a flight then that means you cant make a party which ultimately means I cant have you as a bridesmaid."
WE'RE NOT RICH. DON'T TAKE THAT PERSONALLY.
So that's three parties, in three different states scattered throughout the country. I was hoping to visit my family for the holidays but I guess I'll be out of vacation days and money. See you in 2014, aging parents!
You wrote: "I would like everyone to send me any dates they are going away or planning to go away after February so if your going away in January I don't care. I want any dates from February to the day of our wedding in August, that way we know not to plan something when your away. But after this week the dates are set in stone. "
JUST BECAUSE YOU PLAN YOUR PARTIES TWO YEARS IN ADVANCE THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU OWN TIME
Just so you know, this is a totally unreasonable request.
You wrote: "Obviously we'll get the best deals and were not gonna books flights for $1000 … that's why were doing this in advance."
PLEASE STOP USING THE WORD "DEALS" IN REFERENCE TO YOUR WEDDING
Just because a flight is under $1,000 that doesn't mean it's cheap. Those hotel "packages" usually still average around $250 a room, and those bridesmaids dresses are usually three times the price of the same exact dress not sold in official bridal outlets. We already know we're going to be forking over a ridiculous amount of money, but please don't act like you're helping us save.
You wrote: "I need to know if everyone is 100% in by Wednesday…If you don't think you'll be able to attend one party but can make the rest of them I'm sorry but I'll have to take you out as a bridesmaid and put you as a guest…Really think about everything I've said. This is really going to be the most epic wedding ever so I hope you girls can share this special day with us!"
NOBODY'S EXCITED ABOUT YOUR PARTY ANYMORE
So what you're saying is that the people you don't like as much get to show up to that one party and then leave, without spending thousands of dollars and the next year as your indentured servant? How do we sign up for that?
Please let me know by Friday.
A Former Bridesmaid