By Alex Johnson for BounceBack.com
There are signs everywhere. Most signs are designed to help us navigate through life with no harm to ourselves and others around us. There is the crosswalk sign telling us when to cross the street, the highway sign telling us when our exit is approaching, and the many caution signs telling us that danger is ahead or to proceed with caution.
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In relationships, if it were only that easy to have signs to help to warn us that there might be heartbreak ahead or to merge ahead because this person holds the key to our heart. Instead, we are left going with our "gut instinct" or "discussing over cocktails with your friends." Luckily for all of us, there have been enough books, movies, T.V. shows and life experiences to provide us with a little guidance to avoid the heartbreak and focus on the happily ever after. However, there still are some folks out there that are just starting out in the dating world or getting back out there that could use some assistance.
Below are some signs that this person may or may not be the one. Let's check them out.
4 Signs this is NOT the One:
1. I Spy - Come on…admit it. When you start dating someone in the very beginning, you do the little sneaky things like rummaging through the medicine cabinet or even taking a sneak peek into the nightstand. Those are the innocent acts that we do. It is a totally different situation when you find yourself going through the other person's phone or breaking into their email account. It means that the trust is lacking and without trust there is a very little possibility for a future. So before you buy your night goggles, make sure that you ask yourself if you honestly trust the person you are with.
2. Sex - The first couple of dates when you hit it off with someone is all about foreplay and innocent flirting but when it comes to the actual act of sex; that is when the pressure kicks in. We all hope that there is electricity, chemistry, and fireworks; but it is a natural act and there are bound to be those "awkward moments." Once you get comfortable with each other and there is still trouble in the sheets, that is when you either need to have the conversation with your partner to fix things or reevaluate your priorities, because if someone in the relationship is not satisfied in the bedroom, chances are they will begin looking elsewhere to satisfy their craving.
Related: Is Staying in a Relationship for Sex Okay?
3. Addiction - A rather serious topic that can lead to some severe damage. When you date someone and you accept them, flaws and all, it might be a good idea to watch out for any signs of addictions. Of course, this can range from drug/alcohol abuse to a shopping problem, gambling, etc. If any of these are things you cannot live with, it would be suggested that you end things before it gets too serious. Being someone's support system through a tough time is one thing but being someone's enabler for their addiction is an entirely different topic.
4. Uncommon Ground - Every time we begin to date someone new and we enjoy the other person's company, we hope that they want the same things in life that we do. Whether that is marriage, owning a little bed and breakfast in the countryside one day or even having the same relationship principles. As you continue to learn more and more about the person that you are dating, if you find yourself having less in common than you originally thought, it might be time to think that this person might not be for you. Why be with someone that doesn't want the same things in life that you do? It is not fair to waste their time or your time.
Related: Should You Be the Real You on a First Date?
Now that we have seen a few cautionary signs to avoid a heartbreak, let's take a look at some examples that you are heading in the right direction with your relationship!
4 Signs this IS the One:
1. Confidence - They say that confidence comes from within. The same can be applied to relationships. If you are dating someone and you are not concerned with the cheating, the lying and the negatives that come along with dating, then you can allow for the confidence to build within, and once that is secured, your relationship will continue to flourish and that relationships confidence will begin to flourish from within.
2. Comfort - In the beginning of dating someone all we want to do is impress that person. Wearing new outfits, cleaning your home thoroughly before they come over, and proving that successful dating is not dead. However, once the first phase of dating fades away and you begin to enter the second, you will begin to see sides of you and your partner that you never saw. Whether that is constantly leaving hair in the sink, keeping the toilet seat up or letting them see you stay in your sweats the entire day. After that, if you still want to be with the person that you are dating, it's a good sign that you have reached a comfort level that only true love can sustain.
3. Communication - Oh boy. How many times has it been said that, "Communication is key"? It is the base for all great relationships. Often times, communicating can be one of the toughest aspects in a relationship, but once you get that amazing rhythm down of how you speak to each other or sometimes not even having to use words to get your point across, that is when you know you are in for something real.
Related: The Rules of Text Messages in a Relationship
4. Future - Just as discussed above about having an uncommon ground, there is something to be said about finding that common ground with someone. When you meet someone and you discover that not only do you both have similar things in common, but you find out that you both actually want and believe in the same principles, that is when you really should consider this person for your future. While it is not rare to find someone that enjoys the same things in life that you do, it is rare to find someone that wants the same future you do. That is a pure sign that this person could be the one for you.
When you are behind the wheel driving, you constantly need to be in a state of awareness for those around you and for those that are in the car with you. You are looking out for those signs that will get you safely to your next destination. In matters of love, it might not be a bad idea to put on your seatbelt and follow the good AND the bad signs that will lead you to your next stop: True love.
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life,BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.
Alex Johnson is a freelance writer and is currently living in New York City. Follow his blog about love, dating and all in between at: www.updatenyc.net