When strength isn't enough...

Ok.. so I made a splash and got my feet wet on myyearbook (people actually do still read) on there my mag so let's see how I do here..

Sit back, relax and grab that cup of coffee..

At three-years-old, I was thrown in the system. I went through a lot of hard times: three different foster families, two different residentials and three different group homes as a kid. Almost too much for most, but I did it and I survived.

Today I am married, have three kids and beat the system. Why am I writing this? Because sometimes STRENGTH isn't enough.

At 18, I got a phone call from my mother and talked to her. I had been looking for her for four years, as well as the rest of my family. I remember my DYFS worker saying to me, "Susan, be careful…" I ignored it and said I would be fine. My mom turned out to be a nutcase, and has a lot of issues she needs to work on. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize how much of a control freak she really was. I left the September of 2003 and went back home after I graduated. It was rough being on my own - from trying to find a job to trying to figure out I was going to afford an apartment. Moving from place to place, you never really get a chance to figure out what you're doing.

At 19, I met my dad and that is when I saw the craziness in my mother.

She totally lost it and told me to never talk to her again, that all she was trying to do was protect me, and so on. But now, my dad and I are best friends and I don't regret meeting him. He has been a dad and a best friend for the last seven years. He tries and that's what counts. My dad made his mistakes and paid for them in ways that none of us could imagine. But I still love him.

In December of 2003, I moved back up to New York and met an amazing guy. I managed to find a job at the nursing home as a CNA in training. I was kicked out of my mom's house for a guy I was dating, so I moved in with his parents for three months and finally made it out on my own. I had enough money to get us an apartment. That's when my life really started.

In October 2004, I got married. (I knew this guy for almost two years, we dated for six months). The following year I had my first child in 2005 then my second in 2006 and my 3rd at 23. Trust me, with my own kids I have had a run for my money. But with the hope of raising them right and showing the way, I think that anything to go through is worth it.

My marriage is rocky but I try and make it work. It's hard when your husband is dedicated to a dead-end job. I have tried moving him out of here many, many times but it gets me nowhere.

Family is the people who are there for you whether it is just a shoulder to cry on or someone to yell at to get your frustration out just for a minute. My family isn't my family. My husband's family isn't family to me; they are people I have to deal with. My family is the friends that I have met along the way to today, from 10 to 15 years ago until now. These are the people that make life worth living.

Everyone looked at me like I was nuts, But I love these kids even though they are so close together in age and life is hard, the fighting is nonstop. It's full of trials and hatred and many people that do not see things as I do, along with many lessons. When I had my kids, I had never held a baby before. If it weren't for a very close neighbor, I would have never watched a kid. But I learned everything and have pretty much raised them on my own. A little help from the husband, something I can be proud of. I did learn a valuable lesson. No matter how hard your life is, you can always get through the rough times with love, and support. Strength just doesn't cut it.