How To Support a Loved One Showing Signs of Dementia
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Dementia is an umbrella term for neurological (brain-related) conditions, such as Alzheimer’s disease, that cause changes in memory, thinking, behavior, and mood. Generally, these changes significantly impair a person’s ability to complete daily tasks and affect their quality of life. The hallmark signs of dementia include loss of memory, poor judgment, and problems with communication.
Noticing early signs of dementia in a loved one can feel scary. You might worry about upsetting your loved one if you tell them about changes you’re seeing in them. Still, it’s important to take action and get your loved one evaluated for memory problems. Fortunately, there are gentle ways you can support their needs.
Educating Yourself
One way you can help your loved one is by educating yourself about dementia. Karen Lincoln, PhD, MSW, MA, FGSA explains that one of the reasons people don’t reach out to a healthcare provider about their symptoms earlier is because it’s easy to confuse early signs of dementia with normal age-related memory changes.
Lincoln, who is the director of the Center for Environmental Health Disparities Research at the University of California, Irvine, and the founder of a health education program called Advocates for African American Elders, explains that healthcare and education systems don't make this information easily accessible to communities most at risk for dementia. “African Americans, despite having the highest risk [of dementia], have the lowest level of Alzheimer’s literacy and can’t recognize the symptoms or don’t know what to look for,” Lincoln told Health.
Communities of color experience dementia at higher rates than white people. In fact, 38% of Black people, 35% of Indigenous communities, and 32% of Latinos are at risk of dementia after turning 65—compared to 30% of white people. Given the higher risk of dementia, it’s especially important for communities of color to seek out information about the early warning signs, understand how to tell the difference between dementia and normal memory changes, and know when to get help.
Learn More About Dementia
For more information about dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, check out the following Health articles:
Starting a Dialogue
If you start recognizing dementia signs in someone you care about, the next step is to have a conversation with them. Keep in mind: You don’t want to blame them for the symptoms they’re experiencing or force them to go to a healthcare provider right away—as this can cause them to shut down or downplay their symptoms. Instead, you might try and take a more empathetic tone by saying something like:
“I’m concerned about a change I’ve seen in your health. Have you noticed it, too?”
“You seem a little different to me. How have you been feeling?”
“Is there anything about your health that has become more difficult for you? Is there a way I can make this easier?”
Using non-judgmental, encouraging, and supportive language may help your loved one be vulnerable about their feelings. Creating a reassuring environment that lets them share their experience will only make it easier for you to understand how to help them.
Making the Appointment
Just like you would for any other health condition, it’s important to visit a healthcare provider if your loved one is experiencing changes in their memory or thinking. Asking for support from a healthcare provider can help your loved one get a diagnosis early and start treatment to slow the progression of the disease sooner.
A primary care physician (PCP) is best fit to evaluate your loved one, at least for the first appointment. If a PCP suspects dementia, they will likely refer your loved one to a neurologist (a doctor who specializes in brain and spinal cord health), geriatrician (a doctor who practices medical care in older adults, usually over the age of 65), or psychologist (a mental health professional who can assess memory, thinking, and problem-solving skills).
It’s common to feel afraid or nervous before going to a doctor’s appointment. Your loved one may feel more at ease if you attend their appointment with them. Before the appointment, it’s also a good idea to have some questions prepared to ask their provider and learn more about how you can support your loved one. Consider the following:
Can other underlying health conditions or infections cause changes in memory?
What tests can determine if these memory changes are due to normal aging or dementia?
How fast does dementia progress?
Are there any lifestyle changes you can make to slow down memory decline?
If my loved one receives a dementia diagnosis, which resources or services can best support them?
Related: I Have Alzheimer's Disease—Here's What It's Like to Live With the Condition
Preserving Their Quality of Life
The goal of dementia care is to preserve the quality of life of your loved one for as long as you can. Dementia is a degenerative disease—meaning that the condition will worsen over time. Unfortunately, most people with dementia will experience a loss of control of their lives as their condition progresses. These tips can help you maintain their livelihood and well-being:
Create a comfortable home environment and provide basic needs (e.g., food, water, hygiene) to ensure their safety
Play games or puzzles with them to support their cognitive abilities
Ask them to do tasks with you instead of for them to maintain their sense of control
Go on walks or do gentle exercises to keep them physically active
Spend time outdoors or get a change of scenery to improve their mood
Engage in stimulating hobbies or plan social interactions with their loved ones to nurture their brain health
Consider buying assistive devices or other dementia-related products to make their life easier
Hold their hand, give them hugs, or spend quality time to remind them that they are loved
Practicing Self-Care
Dementia doesn’t just affect the person who is displaying warning signs, but also their loved ones. It’s natural to feel stressed, frustrated, or agitated about your loved one’s condition. “The problem isn’t you or the person, it’s just the circumstance that tests your patience in a whole different way,” said Navneet Arora, who has been a dementia caregiver to his mother since her diagnosis in 2017.
Taking care of yourself and asking for help when you need it is just as important for you as it is for your loved one. Dementia caregivers often experience poorer mental health outcomes than other caregivers. Self-care can help prevent burnout, fatigue, and other mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. While self-care looks different from person to person, trying strategies like exercising, eating nutritious meals, getting enough sleep, and doing yoga or breathing exercises can all help reduce stress.
It takes a village to support a loved one living with dementia, so it’s important to remember you don’t have to do this alone. Try asking trusted family and friends for help, joining a dementia caregiver support group (such as ALZConnected), or reaching out to a mental health provider who can help you develop coping strategies and support your individual needs.
What Resources Exist?
There is more work that researchers and healthcare providers need to do to make dementia care more accessible. However, these resources are a good place to start if you’re looking for more support:
A Quick Review
Dementia is a progressive neurological disease that affects both the person experiencing symptoms and their loved ones. It can often be worrisome to notice signs of dementia in a loved one or painful if your loved one receives a dementia diagnosis. It’s worth noting that your feelings, whatever they may be, are valid.
However, there are steps you can take to support your loved one and yourself. These tips include learning more about dementia and its symptoms, talking to your loved one about their health, asking for support from a healthcare provider, providing love and safety for your loved one, and making time for your self-care.
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