How To Support Your Homesick College Freshman
It can be hard on a teen who goes off to college. Getting homesick is common. Here's how parents can help.
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Medically reviewed by Emily Edlynn, PhD
Freshman year of college may be a little rocky, and homesickness can plague a freshly minted student who has gone away for school. There’s a lot to get used to, and for many students, it could be the first time they are on their own navigating a new place and even doing chores like laundry.
Missing home can be expected and it can cause bumps in the college experience. For Jennifer Wood-Thompson, whose daughter is a recent college freshman at the University of Kentucky, the bumps were more like mountains, and the possibility of homesickness was a sizable concern to the mom of three from Indianapolis.
Wood-Thompson’s daughter had a car accident one week prior to starting college. It totaled the vehicle and put a damper on her plans to travel to and from school. On top of that, her roommate also packed up and quit school two days after arrival. “My daughter is a very social girl, and is used to being surrounded by friends,” says Wood-Thompson. “With no roommate and no new friends at that time, I really worried she might feel homesick and want to leave school after those first couple of weeks.”
We as parents are hardwired to fix what hurts our children no matter their age, but before we jump into save the day mode, we may need to step back. Experts explain that homesickness in college is normal and there are ways parents can help their kids through this big transition. Here's why college kids get homesick and what to do about it.
Why Do College Kids Get Homesick?
Attending college is a big transition with a new routine and it’s not unusual for a new student to experience feelings of homesickness. In fact, research shows up to 70% of students feel some level of it.
New college students can experience loss, sadness, and anxiety, says Jennifer Plumlee, Ed.D., assistant vice president for student success and engagement at Marian University in Indianapolis. “Students are in a new environment with new people, new expectations, new foods, and new experiences,” she says. “Even when the student is excited to attend college and has been planning and preparing for months, if not years, to attend, it is going to be a transition.”
Homesickness can look different from child to child. “For some students, that might include increased feelings of anxiety or loneliness,” says Dr. Plumlee. For others, it could be constantly needing to be on the phone with people they are missing.
It can be worse for students whose school is a great distance from home, especially a different time zone. That’s something Joshua Richardt and Pascale Thomas, school counselors for an international school in North Africa, see often with their United States originating students. “A key trigger of homesickness can be hardships connecting with family from multiple time zones away,” says Richardt. Thomas agrees, adding, “One student recently told me they felt this distance so strongly because they didn’t have anyone they could say goodnight to.”
Students can also find it tough dealing with a new culture if they've moved to a new country. “Here in Tunisia, it isn’t just missing home, but missing a culture as well; it’s missing your community,” explains Richardt.
Like most strong feelings within adolescence, parents should anticipate ebbs and flows when it comes to homesickness, say the experts. “Family members should expect to see signs of homesickness for the first few weeks if not the first semester,” says Dr. Plumlee. “But also, after Thanksgiving, or when returning to campus after the winter break."
How To Help Your Kid Cope With Homesickness
It won’t be an easy transition period for anyone, and supporting your student through this time can be especially tough, but it’s important to do so.
“If your student is experiencing homesickness, they might want to return home for family dinners or even for the weekend,” says Dr. Plumlee. “As hard as it is, I would encourage your student to stay on-campus. It will encourage them to interact and start forming connections with others.”
Here’s what else parents can do to help their child handle feeling homesick.
Have regular conversations
Speaking on the phone or through text often is key. Asking open-ended, positive questions, allows your student to open up to you. It also offers an opportunity to articulate and affirm the good things in their new environment, which goes a long way in shifting perspective.
Thomas suggests asking questions like:
Tell me about what’s going well?
What’s your favorite place on campus?
Who are the people you like spending time with so far?
Send a care package
A care package is just a small token that tells your student that they are on your mind. It can also provide comfort. A little note and some home-baked cookies are always a winner. (Pro tip: If you send enough cookies, your student will have plenty to share with their floormates. That can help them interact with others.)
Toiletries, a gift card to their favorite coffee spot, and first aid supplies are some other winners for a thoughtful care package.
Encourage your teen to get involved on campus
There are a plethora of ways for students to get involved on campus and start building a community. “I encourage students to get involved in more than two, but no more than five experiences on campus,” says Dr. Plumlee. “Most colleges and universities have similar clubs and organizations that your student may have been part of in high school. Think about your student’s interests and help them connect to those groups.”
Give it time
Experts say the first six weeks of the semester are a defining time for freshman students. It’s their window to find a sense of belonging, to connect with others, and to develop new friendships. It won’t be easy, but more often than not, your college student will likely find their way. Research shows homesickness tends to decrease as the semester goes on.
For Wood-Thompson, it looks like her daughter has found her footing. With a new roommate, some new pals on her club basketball team, and a few football tailgates, she’s starting to find her place. “Last weekend she told me she was hanging out with friends,” says Wood-Thompon. “That sounds promising.”
Signs Your Teen May Need More Help
For some students, though, adjusting to college life away from home may be too hard to handle. And homesickness can greatly impact a teen’s physical, cognitive, and psychological well-being. Some signs that may signal a need for a family member to step in include your teen:
Being despondent
Not leaving the residence hall
Not eating regularly
Sleeping more than usual
Not attending class
Parents should work with their teen to see if they can devise a plan to conquer the days ahead, or if a total change is needed. If your child needs to attend a school close to home, after all, there is nothing wrong with that.
“For some families, it might be advantageous to develop a plan that allows the student to complete the semester,” says Dr. Plumlee. “Or, perhaps, the plan includes transferring to another institution closer to home. I would weigh the impact on the health and well-being of the student.”
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