19 Moments Straight Men Did Something They Consider Queer, And Yes, You're Going To Roll Your Eyes
As a queer man in a fraternity, my college career was straight men trying to explain away their queer tendencies as jokes and misunderstandings. (Bombastic Side Eye) A Reddit user recently asked: "Straight men, what’s the most homosexual thing you’ve done?" and the answers were so relatable to the nonsense I heard in college I had to share.
1."I used to play men's softball and traveled around the midwest quite a bit, so we stayed in hotels often. Sometimes to save money, we'd sneak several guys into just a few rooms and sleep wherever there was room, which meant three to four in a bed made for two. Woke up to me spooning one of our outfielders."
2.“Buy a motorcycle. It’s literally a dick magnet. You talk about it with other guys. All men, from all different creeds, religions, age groups, cultures, and orientations, will come up to you unannounced, smiling, standing close and shit, to try and form a bond/build camaraderie. They tell you what they like and don’t like — what looks good and what doesn’t? Or what they'd do if they were you, or what they'd like to do with you. And you start to listen to them, too. You go home and think about what they said. How would this look? How would this feel? Then, you’re all of a sudden spending hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars chasing the dragon toward perfection, just so you can go out and get praise and attention from other dudes, all while doing the same shit to them.”
3."Old high school locker room games of gay chicken. The problem was some of those guys were bi-curious. And the rest of us were stupid."
4."I got hammered with random Erasmus students, and we played that bottle match game. No refusal allowed. The first match with a person: smooch. The second match is a proper kiss. The third match is a French kiss for 30 seconds. I played until I French kissed every girl in the game and was somewhat lucky. To do that, I only had to French kiss one dude. Now, I'm very open and confident in my sexuality/straightness. So, drunk as I was, I thought to myself, imma put on a show and make it hilarious: I frenched that guy so epic he quit the game."
5."I was outside with my friend, arguing about which star was the North Star. I pointed at it and had him bring his head in so he could see straight down my arm where I was pointing with my head near his to see the same. Right at that moment, where we were pointing, there was a shooting star."
6."I took a selfie with a friend while kissing to set as the home screen on a third friend's iPad."
7."I went to a Turkish bath in Istanbul. Fully nude. I was massaged all over by some strong dude in a sauna area. Then he took me to a shower and scrubbed me clean."
8."I played strip beer pong with a straight friend to prove how comfortable we are with our sexuality/masculinity. After about two minutes of being completely nude, the realization of 'What the fuck are we doing?' happened, and we got dressed and went to the bar to find women."
9."After some alcohol, I took a friend up on his offer to suck on my toes. It was bloody good, actually."
10."Repeated watches of Chris Evans saying 'be honest' on a viral TikTok video."
11."My friend and I were on a motorcycle ride when we came across a small orchard of apples. We pulled off and picked some. To this day, my wife tells me that if we had pulled off the road and blown each other, it wouldn't be as gay as us picking apples together."
12."I slow danced with a good friend while keeping consistent eye contact and getting closer. I love a good bromance."
13."A mate and I drove in a car and had some music on. No idea how, but we somehow found ourselves bobbing heads and jamming to 'Call Me Maybe' by Carly Rae Jepsen. He caught it first, and I almost crashed the car from laughing so hard."
14.“I have a buddy that, when a bit tipsy, will run up and kiss me on the cheek whenever he sees me. I don’t see him do this to anyone else, so that’s kinda strange, but I have to admit to kinda looking forward to it now.”
15.“I watched Henry Cavill assemble his gaming PC.”
16.“About once every year or two, I have, like, a single masturbation session where I fantasize about being with a dude. The idea comes out of nowhere and is fairly intense, and then, once it’s over, the desire goes away. So, I figure I’m still straight, but, like, only 99.9% straight. There’s a little 0.1% lingering around there in the back of my mind.”
17."I said out loud, in public, 'I wanna see that dude with his shirt off.' I was sitting next to my dad at the time. I have no regrets."
18.“I made out with my guy friend. My girlfriend, guy friend, his girlfriend, and another friend were in a club, and his girlfriend was raving about him being a good kisser. I was a bit drunk and told him to show me what the fuss was about. He kissed me, and I pretended to be offended and said, ‘What, no tongue?’ We made out for a few seconds. I always thought that kissing a guy would really gross me out, but to my surprise, it didn’t. It didn’t turn me on at all, either, which affirmed my sexuality. I did have a little crisis of self for five minutes afterward, though.”
19."I got into a hot tub naked with two other naked guys. We had a nice, relaxing time, and talked about life."
Do you have a story of your own? If so, tell us what it is and why in the comments below:
Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
