Termination Letter to Zeus from Mount Olympus HR
Firing a god is a delicate task
Dear Zeus,
As discussed, this letter is an official notice to inform you about the termination of your position as "King of the Gods" on Mount Olympus. We are aware that this news may cause you grief, but we also know it can't be shocking based on your past behavior.
There have been several complaints leveled against you due to your treatment of women here on Mount Olympus and across Greece. Most of these grievances we have discussed with you on several occasions. Please refrain from god-splaining the situation to us. Taking a woman against her will is never justifiable for any reason. It does not matter if you come in the form of wind, light, or a swan. Your advances are unwelcome.
Because of your "dalliances," Mount Olympus has become a toxic work environment. Females, both mortal and immortal, don't feel safe around you, and worse, the other male gods are emboldened by your behavior.
No one will even participate in Bring Your Maiden Daughter to Work Day after the Persephone incident! As it is, we can only get Demeter to work six months of the year. You're lucky she settled so cheaply; she could have demanded a lot more sacrifices for the stunt you and your brother pulled.
We readily admit you've done fantastic work, but times have changed. In the past, people worried about titans. Now, the public's most significant concern is you. We believe restructuring the leadership on Mount Olympus will lead to better productivity from the other gods and increased trust from the mortals. They vote with their sacrifices, and we can confirm that there was a steep decline in offerings last year.
Please be aware that we've called security and have confiscated your thunderbolts. While we hope this severing of ties can be as amicable as possible, we do need to take precautions. Your anger issues, another factor in our decision to let you go, are legendary.
We also implore you not to kill the messenger as he is, if you recall, one of your many sons.
We wish you the best of luck with your future endeavors.
Sincerely,
Barbra, Head of Mount Olympus HR Department.