Phone cord trials and tribulations
Kids today will never know the chaos of the phone cord era
Phone cords used to be so ubiquitous in homes that anyone above the age of 30 will have visceral flashbacks the moment you mention them. Phone cords weren't just one thing. They were many. Or, based on my memory, six.
The tool of the ignored
Tiny humans need to know they have the larger human's undivided attention. The phone cord is happy to play a part in this affectionate game. It is an instrument waiting to be strung, a limbo rope, and a jump rope. The cord plays many roles in helping the child prove that their parent cares more about them (evidenced by the breaking of conversation) than whoever they are speaking to.
The heart (and glass) breaker
The phone cord is the natural predator of all items left precariously on the horizontal surface it can reach. It pinpoints objects that will make its human the saddest when they are "accidentally" broken by a shove off the counter or table. It is not the phone cord's fault, though. It is in its nature, just as it is humans nature to be careless when spiral danger is in their vicinity.
The tetherer of despair
Wanting privacy is human; denying that is the divine right of the phone cord. It imposes limits, forcing those who try to hide their conversation from doing so, physically pulling them back to reality (usually the kitchen) by emitting that strained vibration that indicates it is about to snap. The phone cord might be forced to serve the phone users, but in return, the users must submit to limitations put on by a petulant cord, which, too, yearns for freedom.
The temptation and the pain
No one knows how the phone cord hypnotizes the weak-willed to wrap its length around a tender digit. It cuts off blood, the stuff of life, but so absorbed is the twister in their quest to see just how purple their finger can turn that they don't stop their experiment until there is pain.
The well-laid trap
The phone cord observes the exuberant teenager talking to a friend or perhaps a potential crush with an open-mouthed smile. Imperceptibly, it gives a little wiggle. It is just a small action, but it is enough to entice the youth to grasp its smooth plastic skin and twist it to move it out of the way. Fool! As if the phone cord were going anywhere. Why would it? It has the human exactly where it wants it. Slowly but surely the young one in their excitement become entrapped, a fly in the web.
The mystery bringer
If a phone rings in the kitchen and everyone hears it, who has to answer it? No one knows. Or does everyone know? Maybe both? Like many riddles, there are no real answers to the cry, "Who's got the phone?" The solution might be straightforward, but it's often wrapped in power dynamics and household politics that the phone cord, forcing humans to its central location, heightens in a sick, twisted detective game.