Period blood kills bees and other insane claims by Pliny the Elder
Menstruation has always been a mystery to some men
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Pliny the Elder had some fascinating thoughts about women on their periods. His book, Naturalist Historia, details the havoc a woman could wreak during her monthly cycle. I've heard of cramps, but some of these other things that periods are said to cause are shocking news to me.
Periods make steel blades dull
This isn't the time to ask how a woman might get her dirty menses blood on a male's blade. It's the time to warn the reader that our highly acidic period blood would cause it to dull and become a useless weapon. We're basically the Xenomorphs from Alien. So, a man should avoid women before a battle unless he can be sure she won't go near that life-saving steel while menstruating.
Periods cause crops to wilt and die
Who doesn't love to dance through an open field bountiful with that year's crop? That's the whole ethos of cottagecore, I thought. But it seems I must be cautious. If I were to do that while on my period, I could destroy the entire harvest. The mere essence of my blood would waft through the open air and poison the poor plants. As the organ bears life, so does it take it away, Pliny claims.
Periods make wine go sour.
No wonder no one wants to invite women to their fancy orgies. Imagine reaching for some wine only to discover it's gone sour. And who's to blame? That woman asking everyone for linens to stanch her nasty flow, of course. While sour wine wasn't uncommon in ancient times, you know someone used this excuse to avoid bringing their wife to a party.
Periods cause the fruit to fall off trees.
Long before Isaac Newton, Pliny had his theory about why fruit fell from the tree. What was it you ask? Simple. A woman experiencing the feminine "curse" walking by the tree made the fruit shake loose from its branches. That's just ancient science, folks.
Periods kill bees.
As someone who experiences her period once a month, I'd like to apologize on behalf of all of us. For years, we thought pesticides killed the bees. But no. If Pliny is correct, all of us on our periods are killing those innocent bees. Such is our power.
Period blood can drive a dog mad.
A man's best friend doesn't need a woman's nasty, poisonous (Pliny's words, not mine) period blood in his mouth. When a dog ingests said blood, he instantly goes insane and begins to bite whoever is within reach. Coincidently, this is also what causes the dog to spread rabies. Since rabies certainly is not why the dog started attacking, it's once again the period that one should blame for making the man put down the family pet.
If a woman on her period touches white linen, it will turn black.
Driving a dog insane or souring the wine is annoying. But ruining a man's favorite outfit is beyond the pale. Every woman should know she shouldn't touch a man's precious white linens while she bleeds, lest it turns dark. Now, the entire town will see the black garment and laugh at him for being unable to control his bloody women.
Those on their periods could scare away storms.
I don't know why this is such a bad thing. If I were a sailor, this would be useful. According to Pliny, women, on their periods, repelled storms. Pliny the Elder states that whirlwinds are scared of us. Maybe if women weren't such bad luck for sailors during non-period times of the month for simply being a female who dared to be on a boat, they'd be allowed on ships to protect the vessels, crew, and cargo. Women! You can't live with them but can live without their periods.
So, despite being unable to do a thing about cramps or premenstrual syndrome, it seems like those of us with periods do have some powers after all. Unfortunately, most of them are terrible.