I'm the life coach who is going to help you reach your post-apocalyptic potential
Don't use radioactive spiders as an excuse for not pursuing your dreams
Hey now! This is some greeting. Why don't you get your followers to put down their weapons? I'm not here to steal food or sabotage your defenses. Like you seek fresh water, I seek those who need me. From what I can see, you need me, like, a lot!
I know what you're thinking. That woman doesn't have a clue what it's like to be me. You know what, though? I do. I know you. I can see right through that facade you've put up. You're telling yourself that, as the ruler of a territory that has neither fire ponds nor rampaging mutant dog spiders, you're living your best life in this post-apocalyptic world we now live in.
But what if you are, in fact, not living your best life? What if I told you, nay, swore to you that I could make your life even better? How? Come closer, friend. Without the spear. Thank you. Now listen.
As a life coach, I would help you become the optimal version of yourself. Doesn't that sound exciting?
Let's not use self-limiting language like "can't" in my presence. Nothing is stopping you but yourself…and the lack of a good life coach. I'm telling you, I'm meant to be here. After seeing that pile of skulls you'd made to warn enemies away, I told myself, "Someone knows their brand." Indeed, no one can say that you haven't done very well for yourself.
But you can do much better if you aren't afraid to admit you want more. I promise you that seeking growth won't make you look weak and create an opening for the next alpha to usurp your throne. It will actually make you the alpha spiritually as well as physically.
Once again, I must reiterate that I am very uncomfortable with the way you handle your feelings by shoving spears in my face. I'm used to it, though. I got metaphorical spears thrown my way via Facebook responses when I offered my services to those who should have been grateful. Before the disaster left our city in ruins, no one thought they needed a life coach.
Now, look at them. Where are they now? Dead. Or, even worse, not living up to their full potential. Whereas I am a successful life coach helping those with grit, like yourself, stay on top.
It doesn't matter that 80% of the infrastructure is gone. Belief in yourself is the only foundation you truly need to succeed.
Look deep inside your heart. What is it YOU want?
Judging from the decor I saw once your guard removed my blindfold, I can see you want people to view you as a powerful leader. Don't get me wrong. There's some good stuff in this bunker! That reinforced door with the triple barricades probably makes your residents feel incredibly safe. Yes, I mean your subjects. Though, we should talk about the optics of that phrase. Actually, wait, don't talk.
Instead, I want you to see what I see, what I see.
Look around and see how this environment would look if we could eliminate the clutter and give it a cozy, semi-folksy vibe. Imagine you are a leader so in control that you can let go of the feudal nightmare theme you've got going on here.
Imagine! Instead of enforcing strict protocols meant to control these people, you allowed them to express their creativity. Why wouldn't you? This best version of yourself would feel so secure that you'd tear down these metal shutters and let in the sun. Or you could remove some of the walls and put in panels of gorgeous bullet-proof glass. Windows like that say, "I fear no outsiders."
I promise you won't miss them. Your enemies won't stay away because they fear your brutal tactics. They'll be too busy cowering at your confidence.
Envision yourself walking through renovated yards with newly constructed homes. Not shacks. Homes. I'm thinking of a minimalist chic design we talked about earlier. Neutrals. Partially because there aren't a lot of building materials to do anything besides the bare minimum. Also, the clean lines will make your residents feel like maybe they do have access to clean water.
You'll be the influencer. Weapon manufacturers will send you free guns, knowing other warlords will race to emulate your style. Fans will send in food and livestock that will help your territory thrive. Soon, you won't know how you ever did anything before live-streaming (or whatever we can cobble together as the equivalent because of the lack of wifi) the daily life of a leader to thousands of followers.
What are you waiting for? Let's make a vision board! Do you have any cute tape? Or pins that aren't stuck through a traitor's eyeballs? Oh, I see that's all you have.
Well, I wouldn't be working as a life coach if I couldn't adjust, so let's get started!