Bizarre Slang Terms for Breasts Throughout History
An illustrated list of my favorite forgotten words used to describe boobs
Anyone who developed breasts in their teens knows that if you have them, someone will call them by another name. Jugs, knockers, boobies, the list goes on. We know many modern slang words, but others have fallen out of use. Thanks to A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, published in 1796 and Green's Dictionary of Slang, you can find those lost terms. There are many, but these are some of my favorites.
The dairy farm
We made milk, so we were nothing but factories in the eyes of those who saw our breasts as efficient milk manufacturing plants. This one, though crude, I can actually get behind.
Duckies
Henry VIII famously used this one as he tried to capture Anne Boleyn's heart. Is it because a woman's bosom is soft, like a duck's head? Is it because if you squeeze a duck or a breast, there will be a surprised noise? We may never know. What we do know is that a good set of ducks can upend a country with the right corset.
Big brown eyes
At first, I had no idea what this even meant. It gave new meaning to the phrase, "My eyes are up here, pal." Then I whispered, "Oh, it's because of the areola…"
Sweater puppies
When "petting" was a part of getting hot and heavy in the back of a car, men loved nothing more than stroking those squirming "pups" under one's sweater. Bra technology was less advanced than it is now, so the pups probably moved a lot more.
Dinner buckets
After a long day working on the farm, what man wouldn't have wanted to come home and immediately get to munching on the dinner buckets? Delicious? I guess. I'm unsure how I wouldn't feel like a piece of literal meat if a man called my bosom this term, though.
Bag of snakes
Puppies, OK, I understand. Snakes? No, in no way do women's breasts resemble a slithery reptile, let alone a bag of them. I'm confident someone with an extreme phobia of breasts coined this phrase.
Fine, the entry says this term is specifically for a "sagging breast," but if I were a captured snake, I would be all over the place, not weighing down a hypothetical bag.
Lung Warts
Lung pimples, lung warts, lung corns, it's all the same. One thing is for sure: you don't want these pimples to pop. Reconstructive surgery was nonexistent during the era of lung warts, and you'd basically be walking around with two deflated balloons.
Apple Dumpling Shop
A place that provides warm pouches of goodness that is only open during certain hours? Yup, that makes sense. Since the term "apples" was used for breasts during earlier periods, those in the city must have made it more relatable by calling them apple dumpling shops instead.
The Upper Deck (1800s)
This one may be a compliment. It's the best part of the boat and the body! However, I don't like what that implies for the lower deck.
Num nums
The word means "a delicious, soft treat for a child." I'm sorry, but please run if anyone calls your breasts "Num nums." That person has their mother's body stuffed in an attic somewhere.
Cans
Breasts are like cans! They keep well. And they're hard. And they make clunking sounds when we move.
Obviously, none of that is true. I can only surmise that this term was created by someone who had never seen breasts and was trying to impress their friends by describing them.
Cat heads
Presumably, some men got scratched after being too forward. Thus, the name "cat heads" stuck. Yet I wonder what my life would be like if I had cats stuffed in my shirt. Would they fight? Could I get more days off work when they are swollen from hormones to get them to the vet? Would catnip make them go insane? There are so many questions that no one can answer.
