Storge Love: The Familial Bond
The love that binds families together
MoMo Productions / DigitalVision / Getty
Reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
There are six types of love, according to the Love Attitudes Scale. Storge (pronounced “stor-jay”), which translates to "affection" in ancient Greek, is the warm, cozy, reliable, and comfy love we feel for our family members, like our parents, children, siblings, grandparents.
Storge love can even apply to our extended family members or close friends—essentially anyone whom we feel a strong sense of familiarity and affection toward, says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”
“Storge love is the most natural form of love. It refers to a sense of belonging, familiarity, and community,” says Tatiana Rivera Cruz, MSW, LCSW, a therapist at ADHDAdvisor.
If you’re curious about Storge love, we’ve got you. In this article, we explore the characteristics, importance, and psychological perspectives of Storge love, as well as some strategies to help you nurture it in your relationships.
At a Glance
Storge love is the natural affection we have for our friends and family members. It feels warm and cozy, like a soft sweater or a childhood blanket.
This type of love is built on comfort, familiarity, acceptance, trust, loyalty, and support. It’s the people who show up for us and have our backs, no matter what.
Experiencing Storge love in childhood lays the foundation for healthy relationships in adulthood. We can learn how to nurture this love in our lives to help deepen our connections.
Characteristics of Storge Love
These are the characteristics of Storge love:
Familiarity: Storge love is based on a deep familiarity with each other, born out of spending a lot of time with each other.
Affection: Storge love involves genuine affection, tenderness, and caring for close loved ones, expressed through gestures like hugs, kisses, and supportive words.
Steadfastness: Storge love isn’t flashy, dramatic, or thrilling. Instead, it’s a warm and comfortable feeling. It’s a steadfast and reliable kind of love.
Acceptance: This form of love is characterized by unconditional acceptance of each other—regardless of our strengths, weaknesses, or quirks. It’s a safe space where we can be ourselves. This is the most indiscriminate form of love that doesn’t carry any judgment, says de Llano.
Support: Storge love is fostered through unconditional emotional, practical, and moral support—in good times and bad. It’s the people we can count on to show up for us, every single time.
Trust: Storge love inherently comes with trust that is given freely and doesn’t have to be earned.
Loyalty: Loyalty is another key feature of Storge love. It’s the people who always want the best for us and have our backs, no matter what.
Gratitude: Storge love fosters gratitude and appreciation for one another, says Cruz.
Longevity: This form of love only gets stronger and deeper with time, reinforced by shared memories and lifestones.
Storge Love in Everyday Life: Examples and Scenarios
These are some examples of Storge love looks like in everyday life:
A parent cooking your favorite meal for you
A sibling helping you with your chores without being asked
A grandparent calling you to ask how you’re doing
A child planning a birthday or anniversary celebration for you
A cousin offering you their spare bedroom when you’re in town
A family member accompanying you to a doctor’s visit for support
A care package from home when you’re feeling homesick at college
A childhood friend laughing with you over old photographs and inside jokes
A shared meal with family, talking about your day, bonding, and enjoying each other’s company
A family trip where everyone spends time together, making memories
Related: How to Deal With Difficult Family Members
The Importance of Storge Love in Human Relationships
Storge love is important for several reasons:
Healthy Relationships
Storge love teaches us how to communicate, express affection, and resolve conflicts in a respectful manner. It creates a reference of healthy relationships for the future, by teaching us to grow relationships and maintain them, says Cruz. Experiencing this love in childhood helps us build healthier relationships in adulthood.
Emotional Well-being
Storge love is a critical source of emotional support, helping us navigate life's challenges with the reassurance of unconditional love and acceptance. Feeling supported by our loved ones reduces stress and provides a buffer against loneliness, anxiety, and depression.
Belonging
Storge love gives us a deep sense of community and belonging, where we feel seen, valued, understood, and accepted. Knowing we have a safe haven to return to gives us the confidence to go out and explore the world.
Security
Life can be full of ups and downs. Storge love gives us a sense of security and stability, a constant source of support we can rely on during tough times.
Positive Habits
Families tend to encourage strong morals, good citizenship, and healthy habits. Storge love encourages us to internalize these positive influences, shaping who we are and the choices we make.
Generational Bonds
Storge love strengthens generational bonds by passing down traditions, values, and cultural heritage from one generation to the next, fostering a sense of continuity and connection over time.
Storge Love vs. Other Types of Love
This is how Storge love compares to other types of love:
Philia love: Also known as friendship love, Philia love is based on mutual respect, trust, and companionship. Storge and Philia are close cousins. However, Philia often involves a choice, since we pick our friends. Storge love, on the other hand, is more natural and grows automatically, like the love between siblings.
Eros love: Eros is all about intense passion and excitement. It is more focused on the romantic and sensual aspects of a relationship, whereas Storge love is rooted in familial affection and support. However, long-term romantic relationships sometimes develop a Storge element alongside passion.
Ludus: Ludus is a lighthearted type of love that’s all about flirtation, fun, and games. Storge love is more about comfort and familiarity, which bring a sense of peace. While Ludus is often short-lived, Storge love is steadfast and long-lasting.
Pragma: Pragma love focuses on practicality and long-term compatibility. Storge and Pragma can exist together in long-term romantic relationships, but Storge is also found in non-romantic, familial relationships.
Agape: Agape is a broader form of unconditional love that generally involves selfless altruism. Storge love shares some similarities with Agape love in terms of its unconditional nature but is specifically focused on familial bonds, whereas Agape extends to humanity as a whole.
Related: 5 Psychological Theories of Love
Psychological Perspectives on Storge Love
These are some of the psychological aspects that influence the concept of storge love:
Attachment: According to attachment theory, there are four types of attachment: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure attachment. Storge love enables secure attachment, according to Cruz. Similarly, a lack of it can lead to anxious or avoidant attachment.
Family systems: Family systems theory examines how we interact within the family unit and how family dynamics impact our behavior and development. Storge love fosters a sense of cohesion, support, and affection within the family system. This improves family dynamics, and in turn, has a positive effect on our development.
Social bonding: Storge love thrives on familiarity and shared experiences. This aligns with the concept of social bonding, where interactions and shared history create a sense of closeness and trust. Hormones like oxytocin, released during physical touch and positive interactions, play a role in strengthening social bonds and reinforcing Storge love.
Social learning: Social learning theory notes that we learn behaviors, attitudes, and emotional responses by observing our social environment. Storge love provides a model for healthy relationship dynamics that we learn and internalize from our interactions with family members.
Positive psychology: Storge love aligns with the principles of positive psychology, which focuses on promoting well-being. Strong family bonds and supportive relationships rooted in Storge love contribute to our sense of happiness and well-being.
Developmental psychology: In developmental psychology, Storge love is recognized as a critical factor in the social and emotional development of children and adolescents. Positive experiences of Storge love during childhood and adolescence contribute to the development of secure attachments, self-esteem, social skills, and emotional regulation.
Evolutionary psychology: From an evolutionary standpoint, Storge love strengthens the family unit, promoting survival. Strong family bonds ensure the protection and care of offspring, increasing their chances of survival and procreation.
Related: Signs and Causes of Attachment Issues
How to Nurture Storge Love
These are some strategies that can help you nurture Storge love in your relationships:
Prioritize quality time: Spending quality time with family and friends fosters Storge love, says Cruz. Spend your time together meaningfully, engaging in conversation, doing activities you enjoy, and making memories.
Show them you care: Show them your affection through loving words and comforting gestures.
Share responsibilities: Pitch in, share responsibilities, and work as a team to build a sense of partnership.
Communicate honestly: Discuss your feelings, concerns, and needs openly and honestly with your loved ones.
Keep an open mind: De Llano recommends keeping an open mind to your loved ones’ point of view, even when it’s different from your own. Look at differences as opportunities to grow and learn.
Accept them as they are: It’s important to accept our loved ones for who they are, rather than who we wish them to be, says de Llano.
Show your appreciation: Be sincere and show the people you care about your appreciation, says Cruz.
Respect boundaries: Respect each other's boundaries, preferences, and autonomy, creating a safe and respectful environment for each of you within the relationship.
Celebrate milestones: Celebrate each other's achievements, milestones, and successes together.
Offer support: Offer emotional, practical, and moral support during difficult times, showing them they can count on you.
Honor traditions: Participate in family traditions, rituals, and cultural practices that strengthen your family identity. These foster a sense of belonging and continuity.
Related: What Are the Five Love Languages?
The Enduring Relevance of Storge Love
Storge love is a treasure trove of shared memories, cherished moments, and lifelong bonds. It is the gentle guidance of our parents, the playful banter between siblings, the laughter during family gatherings, the comfort of knowing we have a support system through life's ups and downs, and the wisdom passed down through generations. Nurturing this love enriches our lives, making us happier and healthier.
Related: What Is Unconditional Love?
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
