I Stopped My Onion-Cutting Tears With 1 Simple Trick

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THERE ARE PLENTY of things that make me weep. Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart’s reconciliation in Rabbit Hole. The Cincinnati Bengals beating the Kansas City Chiefs to earn a place in Super Bowl LVI. Pretty much anything my kids do that involves them being kind.

And cutting onions.

When I take a knife to an onion, I sob so profusely that my wife will ask me if I’ve been thinking about Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart in Rabbit Hole or rewatching that AFC title game finish. I cry so heavily that when my kids witness the spectacle they wonder if I’m about to hug and kiss them. I tear up so much that I would give up chopping onions altogether if I didn’t love cooking and eating onions so much.

And, yes, I’ve been through all the Internet advice that doesn’t work.

This includes freezing or refrigerating onions, which Google says changes the chemical composition of the vegetable (or “allium,” if we’re being biologists). While this may be true it also makes the onions all mealy and gross.

This includes microwaving onions, which is good for nothing except letting your neighborhood to know you’re microwaving onions.

This includes cutting onions under running water, which is actually a ridiculous thing you’ll have to tell your emergi-care doctor you did before you sliced off a hefty chunk of your left index finger.

And this includes wearing onion goggles, which not only make look like an underfunded version of Falcon in Captain America: The Winter Soldier they also don’t work.

But there is one thing, I found, that does work—one thing that I discovered merely by the good fortune of desperation and proximity.

There’s only one right way to chop an onion without crying, and it involves something you probably have left over from bleaker times.

How to Stop Crying While Cutting Onions

The process is simple and involves just two simple steps.

Step 1: Wear a Covid-era mask

At least five years ago, I remember a chef telling me that the best way to stop crying while cutting onions was to stick a piece of bread or (more delicious yet) a cookie into your mouth and hold it against your cheek.

I used this method for a while, and it sort of worked, but not because of any magical powers associated with carbohydrates. It kept my mouth closed, I realized, so that I wasn’t gulping the eye-stinging fumes emitted from the sliced onion. At some point, however, I’d inevitably have to open my mouth to speak/sing/ululate and the tears would start up.

What if, I wondered during a point in the pandemic in which I had cloth masks strewn about the house in a manner similar to the subject of this other related Onion article, I could just drastically reduce the fumes from entering my airways altogether?

Some company had sent me a cloth mask with a smiley face emblazoned on the front (a truly twisted ironic gesture, if you think about it) and for some reason it was on my kitchen countertop. I strapped the thing on and started slicing an onion.

No tears. My eyes still had a slight tingle to them, but I was largely clear-eyed.

Amazed, I repeated the experiment several more times in subsequent cooking ventures, and reaping the benefits, eventually stashed the mask in a kitchen cabinet to have handy.

When news that KN95 masks were even more effective than cloth ones for preventing the spread of Covid, I figured that they might help me further improve my onion issues.

Sure enough, I could cut through two whole yellow onions and not feel a sting. Any more and I could begin to feel the effects, but thank god not many recipes call for more than two onions.

Step 2: Wash up

Before you take the mask off—and this is key—wash your cutting board and your knife to remove any lingering onion aroma that may sneak attack you once your job is finished.

And remove your mask, too, unless you have a reason to keep it on.

Why This the Best Way to Stop Crying While Cutting Onions

I contacted numerous experts for their thoughts as to why wearing a Covid-era mask might produce this onion-tear-blocking effect. Only a few humored me, but their insights backed me up.

“Onions are known to release an enzyme, which when mixed with air forms a sulfur compound,” says Joseph Allen, O.D., an American Optometric Association member. “This is known to stimulate the nerves of the eye causing a burning sensation. However, wearing a KN95 mask likely prevents these same sulfur compounds from reaching the trigeminal nerves in the nasal mucosa—which also communicates with the lachrymal gland to produce more tears. Some new dry eye treatments are based on this same principle.”

Elizabeth Irving, O.D. Ph.D., a Professor with the School of Optometry and Vision Science at the University of Waterloo, had this to offer: “I presume that the particles or chemicals that irritate the eyes are being prevented from reaching the eyes or are reaching them in reduced quantities either by mask induced alterations in the airflow around the face or absorption by the mask before they reach the eyes. You might want to find out if others also experience this phenomenon.”

So, go on reader. Experience the phenomenon.

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