How to Spot a Spiritual Narcissist

When spirituality leads to a sense of superiority

Medically reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT

If you've ever seen a selfie taken by someone in a yoga class or meditation retreat and were confused by the idea of ego mixing with spirituality, you may have witnessed spiritual narcissism in practice. It's the idea that even though spiritual practices like religion, meditation, or kindness are supposed to drive us away from a focus on our egos, sometimes we get fooled into thinking our practices make us better than others.

Examples of spiritual narcissism can range from the toxic positivity of "good vibes only" that leaves others feeling emotionally invalidated, to threats that you're going to hell or that you will suffer and be punished for not believing in a specific religion.

It's different from other types of narcissism by being particularly focused on how one's daily practices make them more evolved than others, rather than encompassing all areas of a person's life. And it's more common than you might think: Studies have shown that spiritual practices are linked to "supernatural overconfidence."

Read on to figure out how to identify the signs of spiritual narcissism, the psychology behind it, and how to deal with spiritual narcissists when you encounter them.

Signs and Characteristics of Spiritual Narcissists

There are numerous signs and characteristics that a spiritual narcissist may display. "Spiritual narcissists are individuals who use their spirituality or religious beliefs as a means of gaining power, control, and admiration from others," explains Dr. Sanam Hafeez, NYC Neuropsychologist and Director of Comprehend the Mind.

She says "they believe that they are more spiritually evolved than others and use this belief to justify their actions, even if it means hurting others."

Hafeez mentions that not everyone who exhibits one of the following behaviors is necessarily a narcissist of any type. "It's important to note that not everyone who uses spiritual language or expressions is a spiritual narcissist. These signs should be considered in the context of an individual's overall behavior and patterns," she explains.

Signs

The following signs are among the ways you might be able to identify a spiritual narcissist:

• They act superior: "Holier than thou" is a common term for how a spiritual narcissist presents. That's because they believe they are more evolved than other people. "They may look down upon those who don't share their beliefs or level of spiritual understanding," says Hafeez.
  

• Lack of empathy: A spiritual narcissist may act outwardly nice, but their behavior shows they aren't impacted by how others feel.

• The use of religion/spirituality as a manipulative tool: Rather than keep their spiritual practice to themselves, a spiritual narcissist weaponizes it to control or harm others. "They may shame, humiliate, or use their spiritual knowledge to exert power over others," says Hafeez.

• Criticism through the veil of spirituality: "Spiritual narcissists may use their spiritual beliefs to criticize and tear down others who don't share their level of spiritual understanding or beliefs," Hafeez tells us.

• Validation seeking behavior: Like other types of narcissists, spiritual narcissists seek validation for their behavior. The difference is typically that they're seeking validation for their spiritual or religious practices, or the acts they perform under the guise of those practices. This can also include seeking praise.

• Toxic positivity and lack of responsibility: A spiritual narcissist is happy to take credit for good actions, but likely won't own up to negative ones. Additionally, they'll encourage you to only focus on the positive elements of any situation, and may accuse you of being a "negative person" or "not a true believer" if you're experiencing something terrible you can't just shake off.

Everyday Examples

Chances are that you've encountered a spiritual narcissist at some point in your life. Hafeez says these are the varying ways in can present in daily life:

• Attention seeking behavior, such as someone who needs to be the center of attention even at a spiritual or religious gatherings: This could include someone who is constantly snap chatting during prayer circles or meditation classes or someone who establishes or leads cult-like groups where they exert control over their followers under the guise of spiritual authority. These individuals may demand absolute loyalty and obedience, exploiting their followers for personal gain or ego gratification.

• Superiority or a Holier-than-Thou Attitude: Individuals with spiritual narcissism may adopt an attitude of superiority or condescension towards others who they perceive as less spiritually evolved. This can involve judgment around your behaviors, judging or looking down upon those who don't adhere to their spiritual beliefs or practices.

• Placing beliefs on you when you haven't asked or even given permission for that to be done: Whether that means saying you're going to hell if you don't attend their church or proselytizing at you without your permission, a spiritual narcissist won't have good boundaries around your lack of interest.

• Spiritual Materialism: This occurs when individuals use their spiritual beliefs or practices as a means of acquiring material wealth, status, or power. For instance, someone might flaunt their expensive spiritual retreats or possessions as a sign of their enlightenment or superiority.

• Using Spirituality for Validation: Some individuals may use their spiritual beliefs or practices to seek validation or attention from others. They may constantly talk about their spiritual experiences or insights in order to gain admiration or approval.

• Manipulating Others: Spiritual narcissists may manipulate others by using spiritual language or concepts to justify their actions or control those around them. They might employ guilt or shame to coerce others into conforming to their beliefs or desires.

• Spiritual Bypassing: This involves using spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid dealing with difficult emotions or personal issues. Instead of facing their own shortcomings or struggles, individuals may use spirituality as a shield to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or seeking necessary help.

• Grandiosity and Self-Importance: Spiritual narcissists often exhibit grandiose beliefs about their own spiritual superiority or enlightenment. They may see themselves as special or chosen individuals with a unique connection to the divine, while disregarding the perspectives and experiences of others.

• Lack of Empathy: Despite espousing spiritual values like compassion and empathy, spiritual narcissists may lack genuine empathy towards others. They may be dismissive of others' struggles or hardships, focusing instead on their own spiritual achievements or aspirations.

The Psychology of Spiritual Narcissism

Spiritual narcissism is similar to other forms, such as covert or communal narcissism in that all are types of narcissism. That said, falling victim to spiritual narcissism does not mean that a person has narcissistic personality disorder.

"Becoming a spiritual narcissist can stem from various factors, and it is not limited to individuals prone to narcissism in general," says Hafeez, who notes that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a clinically diagnosed personality disorder and that spiritual narcissism is not.

Takeaway

Spiritual narcissism can happen to anyone, and it may have perfectly innocent beginnings. We might take up meditation, or yoga, or join a religious movement, and begin to erroneously think that our new practice makes us more evolved or a deeper person than others we know.

This isn't necessarily harmful until one begins to act on these ideas. It's important to remember that people aren't inherently "better" or "worse" than others, and that everyone is a being worthy of kindness and consideration.

It can be helpful to be mindful of your enthusiasm for a new practice as going to an extreme in it could result in your doing it more for your ego than your spiritual practice.

Spiritual Narcissism and Relationships

As you might expect, it can be tough to be emotionally close to a spiritual narcissist.

A spiritual narcissist also might not treat you well, as they weaponize their own misunderstanding of being better than others against people. "Spiritual narcissists may use their spiritual or religious beliefs as a means to control, manipulate, or shame others, causing emotional harm," Hafeez says.

And because they innately seek validation and praise, she says that you may end up stuck in an unbalanced dynamic, in which your needs aren't prioritized and those of the spiritual narcissist are.

Takeaway

Spiritual narcissism can lead to the downfall of close relationships, especially if it continues on for long a period of time. "These behaviors can erode trust, foster resentment, and ultimately lead to the breakdown of relationships and friendships," Hafeez says.

If you're feeling beaten down by your relationship with a spiritual narcissist, don't blame yourself. "It can lead to feelings of frustration, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of being invalidated or dismissed," says Hafeez. That's because "the constant need for attention and validation can leave individuals feeling drained and unimportant in the relationship."

Additionally, she says the narcissism "can also create a toxic environment where one's own spiritual journey is overshadowed and manipulated by the narcissist's agenda."

How to Deal With Spiritual Narcissists

While ideally a spiritual narcissist would pause and reflect on their actions on their own, there's a chance that won't happen and you'll have to deal with the situation directly. Hafeez says it's paramount that you be firm in your boundaries and communicate in an assertive manner, in order to maintain your own self of self-worth and emotional wellness.

You may wish to find support from others as well. "Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who understand narcissistic dynamics can also provide guidance and validation," suggests Hafeez. A professional can also help you educate yourself about spiritual narcissism, which can help you on your path

'Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic behavior can help you navigate the relationship more effectively and protect your own well-being. Educating yourself about narcissism can also help you develop strategies for dealing with their manipulative tactics," Hafeez suggests.

She warns that a spiritual narcissist might become emotionally abusive or toxic, so you should be on the lookout for those behaviors and in the habit of prioritizing your own self-care and personal growth aside from this person.

Additionally, you must remember that someone else's behavior is not a reflection on you. "Recognize that the behavior of a spiritual narcissist is not a reflection of your worth or value," says Hafeez.
"Their actions are driven by their own insecurities and need for validation. Try not to internalize their criticisms or manipulations," she adds.

Lastly, Hafeez tells us that direct confrontation should be avoided. "Engaging in direct confrontation with a spiritual narcissist may escalate the situation and lead to further harm. Instead, focus on setting boundaries and assertively expressing your needs without engaging in power struggles or arguments,' she suggests.

Healing and Recovery

It may take time, but it is completely possible to heal fully from your relationship with a spiritual narcissist. Whether or not that is done with them still in your life is your decision, and will be dictated by their role in your life; it's harder to separate from a parent than an acquaintance, for example.

As with every major life issue, therapy can help you immensely in recovering from the abuse of a spiritual narcissist. Additionally, you'll want to make sure you prioritize your own self-case and emotional wellness.

Spiritual narcissism is what happens when a person mistakenly lets their spiritual or religious practice go to their head and think it makes them superior to others. A spiritual narcissist may seek validation and praise for their actions, might lack empathy, and isn't likely to take responsibility for their mistakes. It can be challenging to engage with one, and relationships with them can be problematic. If you are in relationship with someone like this, you'll want to find support, whether through friends or a therapist. You may need to distance yourself from the person, if not end the relationship entirely. Spiritual narcissism isn't a formal diagnosis, and it can be recovered from.

Read the original article on Verywell Mind.