Do Southern Hosts Still Expect A Gift?
Entertaining experts from around the region weigh in whether or not you should show up with a hostess give in hand.
Whether referred to as a sercy or a happy, hostess gifts are a small gesture from a guest. As a culture of etiquette, Southern visitors know not to arrive anywhere empty-handed. After all, we inherited graciousness from our matriarchs and know social standards and expectations nearly by heart. And if we might falter, we can always refer to Amy Vanderbilt or Emily Post. According to the latter, “A gift is a lovely way to thank your host for their hospitality."”
So what do the South's favorite hosts say? Do they want, need, or expect a hostess gift? In short, yes, but the answer is a bit more complex than that.
Not Expected But Encouraged
Some might say that expectations are a way of guaranteeing disappointment, and when it comes to hostess gifts, that sentiment reigns true. Most hosts agree that a gift is not expected but is appreciated.
Colleen Waguespack, interior designer and owner and creative director of lifestyle brand Fig & Dove shares, “Inviting someone into your home is a gesture of true Southern hospitality. You make acquaintances at a restaurant, but you make lifelong friends sharing a meal in someone’s home. For that reason, a small thoughtful gift for your hostess is a meaningful and considerate gesture that shows you are grateful for the invitation.” Waguespack adds that it's a tradition she hopes never goes out of style.
Joni Burden of J. Banks Design in Hilton Head, South Carolina, agrees, “It shows an uncommon grace in a world so marked by busyness. Traditions like hostess gifts and thank you cards take time and forethought, and it’s clear to those who receive them. I would argue that if the gift is unexpected it makes it all the more special!”
In the wise words of Virginia designer and entertainer, Edith-Anne Duncan, “It’s not that a Southern host should expect a gift, but a guest should always know to bring one (Southern or not).”
Small Gestures with Big Impact
No matter which way you slice it, hosting is a massive responsibility. While hosts usually enjoy the task, it’s not a small feat to plan a party. Mandy Kellogg Rye, consummate hostess and founder and creative director of Waiting on Martha, Inc. says, “Hosting, whether it be for dinner or a long weekend, takes a lot of time, effort, and (oftentimes) expenses, so it's always in good taste to acknowledge that and not show up empty handed.”
Richard Reutter of Caroline's Cakes jokingly concurs, “You would be hard-pressed to find a Southern host who would expect a gift from their guests, but I certainly think it is viewed as the right thing to do. The gift of opening up your home is always well accompanied by a small gesture of appreciation.”
Items from the Heart
Hosts far and wide agreed that the best gifts are ones with purpose and meaning. Annette Joseph, Atlanta food stylist, author, and Italian retreat host says to avoid regifting or mass-produced items, and instead, think individualized and creative, “[Bring] handmade items like a jar of jam or pickles or a bottle of wine from a winery you’ve visited.” Jennifer Hunt, founder and owner of Dogwood Hill says to think locally, “My favorite hostess gift to give is a cookbook by a local chef or restaurant.”
Brooks Hagee, owner of the San Antonio antique business, Collectible Brooks, is partial to sweet second-hand finds that give a pinch of charm and character. “I enjoy adding a small orchid or seasonal plant to a traditional chinoiserie cache pot. Sometimes I will gift a set of heirloom embroidered linen cocktail napkins—having them monogrammed with your host’s initials takes this gift over the top.”
Entertaining blogger AnnaLouise Carter echoes her entertaining counterparts, “I try to stick items in the home and entertaining category because obviously, the host loves opening their home. Something personalized like monogrammed cocktail napkins or a set of pretty glassware in a color they use in their home shows you appreciate the style and the way the host entertains.”
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