Carving out three-plus hours from our Sunday night just to watch Joker vie for multiple awards alongside Little Women and Parasite? No thanks. Instead, we watched the 2020 Oscars for you. From Eminem surprising everybody with a musical performance to Bong Joon-ho begging to get to the open bar, here are some of the night's greatest moments you might have missed.
Chris Rock and Steve Martin launch jabs at … Jeff Bezos?
While the 92nd Academy Awards skipped out on assigning a host this year, that didn't stop Chris Rock and Steve Martin from making the most out of their joint opening monologue. They made sure to fire off some very pointed jabs at Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, who was in attendance to see if Amazon Studios' Les Miserables could beat out Parasite for Best International Feature (spoiler: it couldn't). Alas, we asked for Meghan and Harry, and they gave us this guy. Really?
"Jeff Bezos is here," Rock began. Martin responded obliviously, "Oh. Great actor."
Rock continued, "Jeff Bezos is so rich, he got divorced and he's still the richest man in the world. He saw Marriage Story and thought it was a comedy."
Bezos let out a tight-lipped laugh. "Steve, do you have anything you want to add about Mr. Bezos?" asked Rock.
"No," Martin replied. "I like getting my packages on time."
Janelle Monáe delivers a knockout performance.
Monáe opened the show with a musical medley pertaining to the nominated films. Billy Porter later joined her for a cover of Elton John's "I'm Still Standing."
During the performance, she took a moment to highlight the work of female directors, as no women were nominated in the directing category last night. "I'm so proud to be standing here as a black, queer artist telling stories," she added. "Happy Black History Month." Viewers on Twitter pointed out that most of the dancers in her set were people of color too.
Leonardo DiCaprio and Camila Morrone make a rare joint appearance.
If there's anything DiCaprio loves more than 20-something models, it's keeping his romantic endeavors with those models on the down low. However, DiCaprio's girlfriend of two years, actress Camila Morrone, was at the ceremony last night. Although the two didn't walk the red carpet together, it's probably safe to assume they came as each other's dates—they did sit next to each other after all.
During Monáe's performance (and throughout the ceremony), you can catch a brief glimpse of Morrone sitting between DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, both of whom were nominated for their roles in Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood.
Camila Morrone is sitting between Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt, god really has favorites. pic.twitter.com/tnTYq5SYLq— ً (@kiingstyles) February 10, 2020
Brad Pitt gets teary-eyed during his acceptance speech.
This awards season has presented opportunity after opportunity for Pitt to make a litany of dad jokes in his acceptance speeches. But after triumphing in the Best Supporting Actor category for his role in Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood, thus marking his first Oscar for acting, his speech took on a more sentimental tone.
"I'm not one to look back, but this has made me do so, and I'm thinking of my folks taking me to the drive-in to see Butch and Sundance, and loading up my car and moving out here, and Geena and Ridley giving me my first shot, to all the wonderful people I've met along the way," he said. "To say I'm here now, once upon a time in Hollywood … ain't that the truth."
He later thanked his children, whom he shares with ex-wife Angelina Jolie. "This is for my kids who color everything I do," he said. "I adore you."
Bradley Cooper sneaks in.
Cooper was sly about his Oscars entrance, forgoing the red carpet entirely and slipping into the Dolby Theatre quietly. Still, cameras were quick to capture his presence. He was snapped talking to Pitt and Renée Zellweger.
American Factory gives a shout-out to Karl Marx.
Directors Steven Bognar and Julia Reichert accepted the Best Documentary Feature Award for their work on American Factory, the Obama production-backed film about globalization, blue-collar work, and the pitfalls of the American dream.
Reichert made sure to touch on the universal themes of American Factory. "Our film is from Ohio and China," she said. "But it really could be from anywhere that people put on a uniform, punch a clock, trying to make their families have a better life. Working people have it harder and harder these days, and we believe that things will get better when workers of the world unite."
Julia Reichert of "American Factory": "Working people have it harder and harder these days—and we believe that things will get better when workers of the world unite." https://t.co/8kz7m5vtnF #Oscars pic.twitter.com/tVGnWP7HBi— ABC News (@ABC) February 10, 2020
If the phrase "workers of the world unite" (which was met with raucous applause from the audience) sounds familiar to you, then you may recognize it as one of the most prominent rallying cries from The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. Maybe next year's Oscars will shout-out Rosa Luxemburg?
Saying “workers of the world unite” in the same room as Jeff Bezos three times turns him back into one of those hairless cats— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) February 10, 2020
Did anyone have "surprise musical performance by Eminem" on their Oscars bingo card?
Marshall Bruce Mathers III, better known by stage name Eminem, made an unexpected appearance to perform his 2003 Oscar-winning song, "Lose Yourself." The crowd reactions ranged from utter confusion (looking at you, Scorsese) to complete exhilaration.
a montage of crowd shots during Eminem's performance at the Oscars pic.twitter.com/6hEkeMfGgc— Mark (@tole_cover) February 10, 2020
James Corden and Rebel Wilson announce the Jellicle Oscar.
James Corden and Rebel Wilson arrived in full catsuit to remind us all that Cats, the movie-musical that never should have happened, was indeed not a collective fever dream.
The Jellicle costars dressed as their furry characters and went full feline—batting and hissing at the mic, no less—while presenting the award for Best Visual Effects.
Bong Joon-ho makes repeated pleas for a drink.
It's no surprise—and yet it was the greatest surprise—that Parasite, the bleak drama about class conflict and capitalism, scooped up as many Oscars as it did last night. But no one was more surprised than director Bong Joon-ho.
When Parasite won Best International Feature Film (the movie's second award of the night), Bong was ready to hit the open bar, believing he was done accepting awards for the evening.
After expressing his gratitude to the Academy and his cast and crew, he said, "I'm bloody ready to drink tonight, until the next morning."
But the night of accepting awards was still young for the South Korean filmmaker. Bong also ended up winning Best Director, beating the likes of Martin Scorsese and Quentin Tarantino. "After winning Best International Feature, I thought I was done for the day and was ready to relax," he began his acceptance speech.
Praising these film industry behemoths and his other fellow nominees ("If the Academy allows, I would like to get a chainsaw and split the award into five and share it with all of you," he said), he repeated his call for a drink. "Thank you," he said. "I will drink until next morning."
That poor man just wants a cocktail and they keep giving him an Oscar.— Bassey Ikpi (@Basseyworld) February 10, 2020
Joaquin Phoenix stands up for the artificially inseminated cow.
Earlier this month, Phoenix delivered a poignant speech on diversity in the film industry while accepting a BAFTA Award for his role in the film Joker. He candidly spoke about the need to leverage one's privilege for the benefit of marginalized communities and admitted, "I'm ashamed to say that I'm part of the problem."
Then, in accepting the Oscar for Best Actor, Phoenix again spoke of inequality … and artificially inseminated cows.
"I think at times we feel or are made to feel that we champion different causes," he said. "But for me, I see commonality. I think, whether we're talking about gender inequality or racism or queer rights or indigenous rights or animal rights, we're talking about the fight against injustice. We're talking about the fight against the belief that one nation, one people, one race, one gender, one species has the right to dominate, use, and control another with impunity."
Phoenix, a longtime vegan activist, elaborated, "We feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow and steal her baby, even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable. Then we take her milk that's intended for her calf, and we put it in our coffee and our cereal."
Twitter was quick to take note.
The Joker, two weeks ago: Fuck racism.— Aura Bogado (@aurabogado) February 10, 2020
The Joker, today: Milk is the real enemy.
I did not expect this speech to be about milk.— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) February 10, 2020
Parasite's mic gets cut, and the audience protests.
Parasite made Oscars history by becoming the first non-English-language film to win the Best Picture Award. The cast and crew took to the stage to accept the award, with producer Kwak Sin-ae announcing that the triumph was "a very opportune moment in history." Then, when producer Miky Lee tried to have a few words, the mic was cut. The camera panned to presenter Jane Fonda in an effort to end the show, to the discontent of the audience.
"Up!" the crowd chanted, jeering the backstage Oscars crew to turn the mic back on so that Parasite could have its full glory. Among the most passionate protestors were front-row superstars Tom Hanks, Charlize Theron, and Margot Robbie.
The collective chanting worked, and Lee got to give her final thanks of the night.
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