Socially awkward? You're not alone! Here are some tips to get over anxiety in groups

Lillie-Beth Brinkman, Callie Athey and Helen Wallace
·3 min read
If the worst thing does happen in a social situation — an awkward conversation, a misspoken word or even a fall that calls attention to yourself — know that most people don’t remember those things that long afterward.
If the worst thing does happen in a social situation — an awkward conversation, a misspoken word or even a fall that calls attention to yourself — know that most people don’t remember those things that long afterward.

QUESTION: Despite my outgoing demeanor, I am really shy. I don’t feel like I fit in at most social events. Is there a way for me to get over that anxiety?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: When I find myself feeling anxious at an event I ask the questions. You will realize people love talking about themselves and it helps you feel less anxious.

More: Remind, and keep reminding teens, no matter their age, about manners

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: It might help to remember that almost everyone feels that way in one or another at social events, even the ones who aren’t shy. You aren’t alone. It’s part of being human. Second, figure out some sort of mantra to pep yourself while walking into an event. Remember that it’s all going to be OK. Try to identify what you are most afraid of at a social event and then realize anything that happens will most likely not define you forever. Anxiety is difficult to handle, and I’m sorry you feel that way.

Sometimes I try to remember that I am not the only one who has ever felt awkward in social situations and that they all turned out fine. If the worst thing does happen — an awkward conversation, a misspoken word or even a fall that calls attention to yourself — know that most people don’t remember those things that long afterward. They will, however, remember you being kind, engaged, relatable and interested in others. Practice those things if you can.

HELEN’S ANSWER: Everyone is shy at certain times and some of them work to overcome this shyness. At a party remember, you were invited because someone likes you, and that means you have lots of good qualities. Remember what they are and know you can add to the group settings. No one you might meet or talk to at the event is perfect. You can bring up subjects about work, hobbies, volunteer work or about the person’s original hometown. Above all, be a good listener and be interested in what the other person is saying. Anxiety is real and if you can concentrate on the other person instead of yourself, you might be able to forget your shyness and social anxiety and just enjoy the party!

GUEST’S ANSWER: Mautra Staley Jones, president, Oklahoma City Community College: First of all, give yourself grace. The past few years have challenged each of us in ways we could never have imagined, and many of us have experienced dramatic changes in how we navigate social settings. That means there are likely many people out there who feel the same level of anxiety at social events that you do. While you might be feeling alone and isolated, there are probably people at that same event with you sharing very similar feelings of social discomfort.

One way to ease anxiety is to identify, in advance, who you know attending the event. Try to find someone you can travel to the event with, or plan to arrive at the same time and meet in the parking lot or lobby and walk in together. You don’t need to spend every minute of the event together, but having someone you know to walk in with and periodically connect with throughout the event really helps!

If it’s an event where you’ll be seated at a table, try determining in advance who you will be seated with, and plan a few questions to start a conversation. Even if you find yourself in a group of complete strangers, having one or two conversation starters at your disposal will mitigate awkwardness.

If you need to, escape! It can be overwhelming to be in a crowd and sometimes you just need a break. Whether that’s a trip to the restroom or a quiet spot where you can catch your breath, there’s nothing wrong with having a few moments alone to gather yourself.

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email helen.wallace@cox.net.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: 20-40-60 Etiquette: Tips on overcoming anxiety in social situations