All The Signs That You And Your S.O. Are A True Power Couple
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Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. Rihanna and A$AP Rocky. Zendaya and Tom Holland. And, most recently, Taylor Swift and rumored boyfriend Travis Kelce. What do all of these couples have in common? Sure, they’re all ultra-famous celebrities—but they're also undeniable power couples. After all, they’re all successful as individuals and in their careers, but they also seem totally in love. It's basically the ultimate relationship goal.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no, you don’t have to be a wealthy celeb or CEO of your company in order to be one half of a power couple. While power couples are traditionally portrayed in pop culture as a successful and influential pair, they don't necessarily have to be, well, powerful individuals in a traditional sense, says Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Take Root Therapy.
Instead, it's all about mutual support. While the definition of a power couple is truly subjective, these dynamic duos are generally made up of “partners who are in a secure relationship in which they're supporting one another's goals, supporting their growth, and turning towards one another for that sense of safety and security,” says Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a therapist and relationship researcher at Hily app.
Meet the experts:
Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Take Root Therapy.
Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, is a therapist and relationship researcher at Hily app.
Jane Greer, PhD, is a New York-based marriage and relationship therapist and author of Am I Lying to Myself?.
They might look like the dynamic duo who seems to have the perfect work, life, and relationship balance, adds Jane Greer, PhD, a New York-based marriage and relationship therapist and author of Am I Lying to Myself?. Maybe they both have big positions at their jobs or companies, and make time to support each other.
If you want to achieve power couple status with your S.O., one first step you can take is to define what your personal goals and values are. Then, chat with your partner about how they can support you in achieving them, and vice versa, Cohen says. That way, “you still have your own individual goals and ideas of what growth looks like for you as a person,” she adds.
Ahead, check out 13 signs that you and your S.O. are a power couple.
1. You both feel safe and secure in the relationship.
Number one: safety and security is present between both partners in the relationship, Cohen says. In fact, you should both have a secure attachment to one another—that is, a trusting, healthy, and solid foundation. “That's the strong base from which you can explore the world,” Cohen adds.
2. You have open communication about what you need from them.
Maybe you're just a little peeved that your S.O. never empties the dishwasher; or maybe, you have some deeper thoughts on how they can better support you as you go through grief or a rough mental health episode. If you're in a power couple, you should feel like you can talk to your partner about anything and everything. “You're able to be completely transparent with your partner about your wants, your needs, and to the extent that you know what you need from them in terms of support,” Cohen says.
3. You celebrate each other’s successes.
If you're in a supportive, powerful relationship, you can (and do!) celebrate each other’s friendship wins, work promotions, and new hobbies without getting jealous, feeling threatened, or comparing yourself to them. “You want to be able to strive as individuals for what you want, and also while supporting your partner along the way,” says Cohen. When they succeed, you should genuinely feel happy for them.
Of course, it's natural to feel a little jealous if your partner just got a big raise at work, or if you feel like all the spotlight's on them. But ultimately, if you're in a power couple, your attitude looks something like this: "If your partner is doing well and is successful, you're part of that success," says Greer. "You share in it, so it's not a rivalry."
4. You both have a healthy level of independence.
While it's important to support your partner's dreams and care about their life, you should both have your own hopes and goals, too, Cohen says. If you care more about your partner's career, friendships, and personal goals than your own, it can lead to problems like codependency, she says. “You also give each person enough latitude and leeway to go out on their own and achieve what they want,” she adds.
5. You're willing to be flexible.
A big part of a relationship is “being able to pitch in when needed to support your partner and pivot as needed,” Cohen says. A lot of people get stuck in a “quid pro quo,” transactional pattern in their relationships, she adds. For instance, maybe your partner always takes out the trash, so they think you should always clean the cat’s litter box.
In a power couple, though, you're both willing to be flexible and step up to the plate, even if it means one person is taking on more housework while the other is stressed with a project at work, or planning a date night when the other partner has had a hard week. “Both people are basically giving to the relationship without keeping tabs on their partner—they're doing it because they genuinely want to,” she says.
6. You respond to and prioritize each other’s needs.
Not only can powerful couples communicate about what they want, but they're willing to listen and prioritize each other's desires and needs, too. Not only do you talk about what you want and need from each other, but you also follow through and actually do it. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
This also might mean becoming fluent in your partner's love language: If you have a tendency to offer words of affirmation but they'd prefer physical touch, there might be a learning curve. That's okay! “It's about meeting them where they're at and validating whatever their needs are,” Cohen says.
7. You’re willing to work to support each other’s goals and ambitions.
You should support your S.O. by not only listening to what they want, but also “making the time and the effort to make changes in your life [to] be available to help them attain their goals,” Greer says. If you're training for a marathon, maybe your partner helps time your laps. Or maybe your partner is giving a presentation at work, so you help them to research and prep for it.
8. You balance each other out.
Everyone brings different skills to the table, and power couples can typically fill in each other's blanks. Say one person is more introverted than the other—maybe they both go to a party, but the more social partner does more of the talking, and both partners ultimately have a good time. This is a sign you could be a true power couple, says Greer.
9. You work well together.
Power couples “are great as a we and terrific as a me,” Greer says. This means both partners are happy with themselves and have their own rich lives, but they enjoy living life with their partner. And, on that note, all those little tasks of couplehood—planning vacations, dealing with in-laws, navigating finances—feel like teamwork.
In a power couple, both partners feel accomplished and powerful on their own, but when they’re together, you’re even stronger. Say you’re deciding on where to spend the holidays—you want to hit the Florida beaches while your partner wants to hit the ski slopes. “Instead of it being a sacrifice and one person always taking control and getting into a power struggle with each other, there's the compromise,” Greer says.
10. You’re open to each other’s interests.
No, power couples don't have to like all the same things. But generally, these two people will like to share their interests and hobbies with one another. Maybe you love working out, so your partner takes an exercise class with you. Or maybe, they're really into a specific music genre, so you'll ask them for a curated playlist. “Power couples tend to share [interests] with each other,” Greer says.
11. You don't try to casually one-up each other.
Picture this: Your partner gets home from work, and lets you know that they got some great feedback from their boss. Or maybe, they're feeling anxious and sad about something that happened.
You might feel the very human impulse to respond with something great that happened to you, or vent about your own stressful day at work. But in a supportive partnership, both parties can hear about each other's wins and losses and resist chiming in with their own, says Greer.
12. You bring out the best in each other.
In a power couple, both S.O.s encourage and value each other for who they are. “You feel like they've helped you become and be your best,” Greer says. “I have couples that say, ‘I could never have done this without him, I could never have done this without her,’ and that's the power couple.” You celebrate and share each other’s wins as a team and compromise when needed, instead of getting into power struggles.
13. People around you feel inspired to be the best version of themselves.
Not only do you and your significant other bring out the best in each other, but you also bring out the best in the friends and family around you, Harouni Lurie says. “[Power couples] invite people into their homes or into their lives and seem to create safety for others to be close to them,” she adds.
Still unsure whether you and your partner are a power couple? At the end of the day, what matters is how you feel about yourself in the relationship and whether your needs are being met, says Greer.
If you haven't quite achieved power couple status yet, Harouni Lurie recommends thinking of a couple you'd like to emulate, and asking yourself why you admire them. Do they seem engaged when they talk? Are they always supporting each other during difficult times, or hyping each other up during better ones? If you can clarify your values first, it’ll make it easier to become a power couple with your partner. Step aside, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.
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