Signs of Emotional Abuse

Medically reviewed by Rochelle Collins, DO

Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse or verbal abuse, is a pattern of behavior where one person harms another with non-physical acts. When people think of abuse, it tends to be something physical that leaves visible marks. Yet, emotional abuse leaves invisible wounds that are just as damaging. While abuse can happen to anyone, no one deserves to be abused for any reason.

Learn more about the signs and effects of emotional abuse, leaving an abusive relationship, and how to begin healing.

What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse, sometimes called psychological abuse, is a pattern of behavior where one person subjects another person to nonphysical acts that harm mental well-being and the overall ability to function. This can happen between romantic partners, parent and child, caretaker and dependent, teacher and student, close friends, or within a professional setting.

While researchers have slightly different definitions of the concept, they have identified a variety of types of emotional abuse, including:

• Verbal abuse

• Intimidations and terrorization

• Humiliation and degradation

• Exploitation

• Harassment

• Rejection and withholding of affection

• Isolation

• Excessive control

These types of emotionally abusive behaviors are meant to control and frighten you. While they are nonphysical, they are just as serious. Emotional abuse can be damaging and traumatizing to the person experiencing the abuse.

How common is emotional abuse?

Nearly half of all women (48.4%) and men (48.8%) in the United States experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Some signs of emotional abuse are obvious, like yelling or name-calling. Other signs are more subtle, such as the other person not wanting you to hang out with friends, or acting extremely jealous.

Here are some red flags that signal another person is emotionally abusing you:

Humiliation

• Name-calling

• Demeaning

• Humiliating

• Shaming

• Criticizing you in private or public

• Making you feel silly and dumb

• Dismissing how you feel

Control

• Controlling and being possessive of you, your time, and actions, including what you wear, your job, and who you hang out with

• Monitoring your phone/computer

• Punishing you by withholding attention or affection

• Overloading you with compliments or gifts to manipulate you

• Expressing unrealistic expectations that set you up for failure

Accusing and Denial

• Denying that conversations or events that you remember ever took place

• Trying to convince you that conversations or events happened differently from how you remember them (gaslighting)

• Constantly accusing or blaming you for their abusive behavior and making you feel guilty

Isolation

• Acting extremely jealous of the time you spend with friends and family
  

• Threatening you and people you love, or threatening to hurt themselves to get what they want

• Insisting you ask their permission before doing anything or going anywhere

• Monitoring where you go and what you're doing at all times
  

Takeaway

Experiencing any of these behaviors repeatedly over time can instill self-doubt and worthlessness in a person. This wearing down of confidence and self-worth is how the abuser controls and holds power in the relationship.

Related: Signs of Domestic Abuse

"The Cycle of Abuse"

Since the 1970s, the "cycle of abuse" theory has been talked about in courtrooms, therapy settings, and in the media. Critics have argued that the theory is flawed, outdated, and harmful to abused partners. Because it states that there are four predictable, repetitive steps in an abusive cycle (tension building, incident, reconciliation, calm), the theory implies that an abused partner should be able to anticipate when abuse is about to happen and avoid it.

Takeaway

The theory that abuse in a relationship is a cycle has been used in courts to blame the abused person ("victim blaming"). However, abuse is not predictable, and it's impossible to know with certainty when to expect incidents or when emotional abuse will escalate to physical violence.

Instead, the National Domestic Violence Hotline uses the Duluth Model of Power and Control developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project to more accurately describe an abusive relationship.

The outer ring of the diagram represents physical and sexual violence. The inner part of the diagram (the spokes of the wheel) describes the more subtle and systematic behaviors that the abuser uses. Emotional abuse is included inside this wheel. These continuous threats, intimidation, and coercion tactics instill fear, while physical and sexual violence holds the wheel together.

Effects of Emotional Abuse

Over time, emotional abuse can wear down your self-worth, confidence, and mental and emotional strength. You may feel unsure of yourself or start second-guessing yourself constantly. You may start to believe your abuser when they tell you that you are overreacting, being dramatic and emotional, or overly sensitive. You may become emotionally and psychologically dependent on your abuser.

Short-term abuse can lead to difficulties like:

• Confusion

• Fear

• Difficulty concentrating

• Constantly feeling overwhelmed and powerless

• Low confidence

• Nightmares

• Aches

• Racing heart

Long-term effects may include:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Insomnia

• Social withdrawal

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

In some instances, emotional abuse can escalate from psychological to physical violence. Typically, when the abuser feels they are losing control in the relationship, they will resort to physical violence to demonstrate what can happen if the other person tries to gain more independence or leave the relationship.

Can emotional abuse turn into physical abuse?

It is not uncommon for emotional abuse to escalate to physical abuse, especially if the abuser feels they are losing control of the relationship. The escalation to physical abuse is generally a warning of what could happen if the abused partner tries to leave.

The most dangerous time for an abused partner is when they end the relationship; 75% of domestic violence homicides happen upon separation and there is a 75% increase in violence for two or more years post-split.

Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship isn't easy. There are plenty of obstacles that may prevent a person from leaving an abusive relationship. These include fear of threats and retaliation, financial or housing instability (not having enough money or a home to stay in if they leave), denial, family pressure to stay, or isolation and lack of support. It could be extremely dangerous to the person attempting to leave because the abuser may do something extreme to exert their power and control.

Takeaway

If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.

If you need support and resources for yourself or a loved one, call, text, or chat with trained staff at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.

Having a Safety Plan

It's important to have a safety plan when leaving an abusive relationship. This is a personalized, practical plan to improve your safety while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave.

A safety plan provides vital and specific information such as:

• Where you'll have an accessible phone

• Who you'll contact

• Where you can go, in or outside the home

• Reasons to leave the house

• How to safely leave the house

If children are involved, your plan can include what they should do during an incident. This helps prepare you for high-stress situations in order to protect yourself or others.

Related: These 'Distress Signals' May Help You Get Out of an Unsafe Situation

Healing From Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is a type of trauma. Counseling and therapy can help people process their traumatic experiences and begin the process of healing. Working with mental health professionals, counselors, or advocates can help you acknowledge the abuse, rebuild your sense of self, learn how to develop self-compassion, and recognize what healthy relationships look like.

They can also help you rebuild self-esteem, manage symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and insomnia, and strategize ways to cope when triggered.

Practicing self-care and self-compassion will also be an important tool in healing from an abusive relationship. Try to limit your stress, eat a well-balanced diet, maintain a regular sleep schedule, and move your body. You can also try meditating, journaling, or other creative outlets like art or music.

As part of your self-care, it will also be important to reconnect with your friends and family. Getting involved in social and pleasurable activities can be an important part of your healing process.

Can emotional abuse cause PTSD?

Abusive relationships are related to PTSD symptoms. Children who experience emotional abuse may develop severe symptoms of PTSD. In abusive intimate relationships, women are twice as likely to develop PTSD when experiencing traumatic events such as abuse.

Summary

Emotional abuse can take many forms and is often more subtle than other types of abuse. This type of abuse doesn't leave visible marks but can make a person lose their sense of self-worth. It leads to short and long-term damage regarding their ability to function, have healthy relationships, and mental well-being. Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is difficult and dangerous, but doing so can get you on the path to healing.

Read the original article on Verywell Health.