So! You want to have sex but don't want to ruin a friendship? Well, you're in luck: Australian music mogul Sia has written a script to help you get what you want. Tailor it to your needs, memorize it, and before you know it, all your chandeliers will be turned into sex swings.
For the longest time, TV and movies have shown us that sex is something men get when they beg, and something that women endure in the hopes of locking down commitment. But in reality all kinds of people want to have sex with all kinds of people. Nobody is trying to wife you up, Todd.
For many women, locking down high-quality sex in a world that expects you to doth-protest-too-much is tricky. But consider this: Say you're an international songwriter and performer with a penchant for wigs, and you have taken a pledge to be single for the rest of your life. You just adopted a son, but you would still like to have sex with your close friend and business partner, Diplo.
That is the position Sia found herself in recently, according to a story she shared in a profile of Diplo from GQ.
“Much of our relationship is just being spent trying not to have sex so that we wouldn't ruin our business relationship, because he's super-duper hot,” the hit singer-songwriter told GQ. “This year I wrote him a text, and I said, ‘Hey, listen, you're, like, one of five people that I'm sexually attracted to, and now that I've decided to be single for the rest of my life and I just adopted a son, I don't have time for a relationship.… If you're interested in some no-strings sex, then hit me up.’”
Brava. There you have it: a perfect sexual proposition for a horny and litigious world. Let's break it down:
Sia is in a tricky situation because she and Diplo work together. She made sure their hookup could be truly consensual by clarifying she wouldn't allow it to affect their working relationship ("no-strings") and by leaving the ball in his court ("hit me up").
She succeeded in writing something that's extremely direct, but not explicit. Elsewhere in the piece, Sia described Diplo as "one of the most insecure boys I've ever met." Her text is a risk—but if she hadn't written it, she would've risked never getting what she wanted.
Overall, it's a well-crafted message: She started with a compliment and then got right to the point, laying out clear parameters of what their relationship could be. She was honest with him about her boundaries. She wasn't pushy. She put it in writing so that he didn't have to respond on the spot. She was vulnerable. Hey, you heard she was a wild one (but come on, if she took you home, it'd be a home run).
There's a lot of talk about the evils of "hookup culture"—the shallowness, the coldness, the end of romance, blah blah blah. But here's an example of hookup culture done right: a business text to a man in a cowboy hat, politely asking for sex and to be largely left alone.
Jenny Singer is a staff writer for Glamour. Follow her on Twitter @JeanValjenny.
Originally Appeared on Glamour