I'm Pretty Sure Shakira's Ex Needs To Join The Witness Protection Program After Watching Her Jimmy Fallon Performance

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Let me catch you up real quick: Shakira and soccer star Gerard Piqué recently broke up after 11 years together.

Gerard and Shakira holding hands as they pose for photographers on the Billboard Music red carpet
Jon Kopaloff / FilmMagic / Getty Images

And the separation has been real, real messy.

Gerard eating popcorn as he and Shakira sit court side at a sports event
Rodolfo Molina / Euroleague Basketball via Getty Images

The pinnacle of this separation so far is Shakira releasing a song with Bizarrap.

Shakira and Bizarrap pose for a photo backstage at the The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon
Nbc / Todd Owyoung / NBC via Getty Images

It's, not exaggerating, one of the greatest diss tracks of all time.

The song is MASSIVE, like her biggest hit in years.

The lyrics seem to be directly targeting her ex: "I was out of your league, that's why you're with someone just like you."

The lyrics say "A she-wolf like me isn't for guys like you, I was out of your league, that's why you're with someone just like you"

She even seemed to call out his mother.

You left me with your mom as a neighbor/The press at my door, and a debt with the Treasury/ You thought you'd hurt me, but you made me stronger/Women no longer cry, women get paid

It's all so juicy.

"I'm worth two 22-year-olds/ You traded in a Ferrari for Twingo/ You traded in a Rolex for a Casio/ You're all worked up, slow down/ Ah, so much time at the gym/ But maybe work out your brain a bit too

After Shakira released this song, Piqué had the nerve to post a picture with his new girlfriend, Clara.

On Valentine's Day, Shakira posted a video of her mopping the floor while lip-synching "Kill Bill" by SZA.

Shakira lip-synchs "I might kill my ex, not the best idea. His new girlfriend's next, how'd I get here?" in stilettos.

  @shakira/ instagram.com

So, that brings us up to present day!

Shakira smiles as she stands onstage with Bizarrap behind her
Nbc / Todd Owyoung / NBC via Getty Images

Shakira performed their song "Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 53" with Bizarrap on Fallon, and I'm not exaggerating, it is like nothing I've ever seen on late night television before.

  Nbc / Todd Owyoung / NBC via Getty Images
Nbc / Todd Owyoung / NBC via Getty Images

Here's the performance:

The performance has gone super viral because the crowd is completely and totally wild.

They're screaming every. single. word.

It's like a gospel choir.

"I've never seen that" is the common sentiment.

And ultimately, I sure as hell wouldn't want to be Piqué right now.

The performance apparently even reached Adele.

Adele laughing as she shows off her Grammy backstage
Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images for The Recording Academy

At her show this weekend, Adele told the audience: "I saw her performance last night on Jimmy Fallon. Oh, her ex-husband's in trouble."

Good luck to him, I guess. 🤭🤭🤭