When setting a table, where does the small coffee spoon go? The answer lies in availability

QUESTION: Where does the small coffee spoon go on the table? I attended the Early American Glass luncheon last week in Oklahoma City and one hostess put the spoon at an angle beside the coffee cup. Was that correct?

CALLIE’S ANSWER: The coffee spoon, which is slightly smaller than the teaspoon, goes to the right of the saucer. It sits about one inch beyond the outer most flatware.

LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: That’s a great question, and it isn’t one that I have ever thought about the answer to because I don’t drink coffee at all and never have. Even though I have set tables for formal events, it has never occurred to me to think about coffee-drinking details, so I turned to the Emily Post Institute, etiquette’s historic standard-bearer, for help. On that website, Emily Post diagrams formal and informal place settings and includes up to 17 separate pieces including an oyster fork in the illustrations and never gets to a coffee spoon. Others mention the cup and saucer to the right of and above dinner place, but they neglect to mention the spoon.

However, I have a couple of ideas: 1) The dessert spoon or fork goes sideways on the top of the dinner plate, and according to some, that might be a natural place for a coffee spoon, too, especially if the dessert requires a fork – place both there with the handles opposite each other. 2) You can also add a coffee to the right of and parallel to the knife placed to the right of the dinner plate. 3) In some cases where you are serving coffee individually after a meal, add it to the table after the meal when place cups.

After you are finished, lay the spoon on the side of the saucer. I’m not sure there is a hard-and-fast rule for this, and I had to look on various internet etiquette sites for even basic ideas. I would also refer to the other 20-40-60 panelists this week for ideas. In any case, I would try not to place a coffee spoon in a way that would clutter or complicate the table.

HELEN’S ANSWER: The small spoon, used for demitasse coffee or tea served in smaller cups, is a lovely addition to the table, or it is used for after dinner coffee. In earlier times, these elegant spoons were usually placed alongside the cup. On today’s table, the spoon is placed by the regular teaspoon or on the saucer.

GUEST’S ANSWER: Carey Sue Vega, etiquette expert: What a great question! The Glass Club luncheon is always a fun event where the members pull out their personal china, silver and other items from their collections to set beautiful and fun tables for their guests.

Historically, Emily Post has instructed home hostesses setting formal tables to serve coffee after a meal by placing the spoon directly on the saucer. As modern manners continue to evolve and business luncheon and fundraiser events become more ‘fast-paced’ and are larger banquet-style events, the coffee spoon placement has moved to the table, to the right of the knife, and in line with the rest of the flatware. This makes the spoon available and ready for the guest to use whenever the waitstaff serves the coffee. Another modern twist that has evolved due to time constraints and limited space at tables is that venues will sometimes place coffee cups upside down on the saucer. This helps the waitstaff to quickly see who does or does not want coffee by being able to quickly serve the guests who have turned their coffee cup right side up.

So yes, technically the place setting in question was correct for a home hostess setting a very formal table. But in our fast-paced world today, we don’t see that lovely tradition when we’re out and about at events. We’ll find our coffee spoon on the table, lonely, waiting for it’s time to shine — or to be pilfered and used for the iced tea.

Since 2009, Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth is 40-plus and Helen is 60-plus. To ask an etiquette question, email hfsok@aol.com.

This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: The table setting spot for the small coffee spoon can be confusing