Is Your Self-Care Secretly Making You More Burned Out?
"Hearst Magazines and Yahoo may earn commission or revenue on some items through the links below."
Even if it’s not the office grind wearing you out, burnout is so commonplace that most of us are scrambling to find solutions—and often unwittingly ending up more burned out. Here are five ways our attempts to relieve our stress can go sideways.
1. Blowing off steam with your cube mates.
Sometimes the ways we try to let off work steam seems to make sense, but “socializing only with colleagues has you thinking about your office tasks all day,” says Wanda Vargas, PhD, supervising psychologist at New York–Presbyterian Hospital. While it’s fun to down a few happy hour drinks with work pals from time to time, expanding your social circle is a better way to create some true distance from the office. Otherwise, the tendency to sip your margarita while venting about your boss will likely only result in a hangover, plus even more burnout.
2. Treating yourself to an $80 massage.
It’s a mistake to think self-care comes only in the form of pricey green juices and hot yoga classes. Socioeconomic factors can also make it challenging for some to access these luxuries—and often add stress when we can’t afford them or splurge on a credit card, only to have to confront the debt at the end of the month. But Christine Gutierrez, MA, a licensed mental health counselor and author of I Am Diosa, a guide to radical self-care, reminds us that “the one thing we all have is our breath.” She suggests mindful breathing: Inhale for four counts through the nose, hold your breath for seven counts, and release it for eight counts through the mouth. Repeat this a few times until you feel your body relax. She explains, “Deep breathing and mindful breathing activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which sends a signal to your brain to tell the anxious part of the brain that you’re safe. When we feel safe, we can manage our emotions more easily and are able to navigate challenging times and avoid burnout.”
3. Looking for inspiration from go-getters.
Amelia Nagoski, the coauthor of Burnout, says it’s a mistake to think self-care alone can cure burnout. “You might get all the sleep you need, but if the rest of the world is bombarding you with messages about the #grind, and how many more things you should have on your to-do list, then you'll still be stuck fighting doubt and guilt over whether you deserve that sleep.” Having other people around to help remind you, and guard you from those “go, go, go” messages, is key. Try disconnecting from those who encourage hustle culture (yes, that includes unfollowing on social, deleting emails, and saying no to so-called power dinners). Seek out what you really need—the support of people in real life who remind you to take good care of yourself.
4. Searching for a long-term fix.
“For those of us who struggle with burnout, it’s generally not the first time we’ve experienced it. There is some sort of patterning we’ve reinforced over time,” says Alexandra Seidenstein, former professor at NYU and expert on epigenetics. People make the mistake of overwhelming themselves with tasks to fix burnout. “We think we have to commit to an impossible hour at a time, but five minutes is where life changes,” she says. “Just try changing things up for five minutes at a time and do something to get back into your body: yoga, meditation, walks in nature, playing with kids, dancing, or conversations with good friends.” The key is not to overextend yourself. “Allowing small amounts of space for these things starts to transform how we treat ourselves and our bodies. This can change the cycle from a burnout ending in exhaustion to an uplifting pride in a newfound balance and joy.”
5. Me time versus sleep time.
It’s tempting to create more hours in the day by cutting back on your z’s. But Jennifer Guttman, author of Beyond Happiness: The 6 Secrets of Lifetime Satisfaction and a clinical psychologist with over 25 years of experience, says sleep isn’t the place to borrow time from: “Trying to take time for yourself after a long day and then staying up too late creates more stress the next day, despite getting more ‘me time.’” So while watching TV and reading might be ingredients for good self-care, trading them for sleep is a recipe for exhaustion. Wondering where you can find more minutes? Your smartphone might hold the key. Look at where you spend most of your screentime (social media, anyone?) and it’s suddenly not so hard to figure out where all that potential “me time” went.
You Might Also Like
