Everyone says they're an Adam Rippon stan but do they really mean it? Do we mean it the way Sally Field means it? Are we showing our dedication as fervently as the erstwhile Nora Walker from Brothers and Sisters? Do we love Adam Rippon enough to try to set him up with our adult sons over Twitter like Sally Field did?That's the standard, folks. Sally Field is our gold standard.
We're all going around shopping for bedazzled leotards, pulling out early aughts club jams to do triple axels to, and commenting on Andrea's statement necklace like good little Rippers (I've decided this is the name of Adam Rippon's fandom. It's weird. I'm unhappy with it. But you can't argue with the lexicon.) Every time he throws shade at the Vice President we scream with delight like a queen just death dropped on Drag Race.
"Is she going to exercise her right to free speech from there?!"
Fellow Olympian Gus Kenworthy is obsessed with Adam Rippon in the way that only the best of friends can be.
Get yourself a friend who will non-objectifyingly objectify your butt. Gus Kenworthy is that friend who will never let you take a selfie in bad lighting and gets emotional talking about how much they love you.
Gus Kenworthy loves Adam Rippon.
I don't fully understand figure skating judging so I can't really speculate on the scoring but @Adaripp's performance was truly mesmerizing. You're #1 in our hearts, Adam! So proud of you and inspired by you.- Gus Kenworthy (@guskenworthy) February 17, 2018
America loves Adam Rippon. We all love Adam Rippon, but whomst among us is trying to playmatchmaker between our adult son and an Olympian? That is true love and that is why the only real one out in these streets is OG Mom of the Year, Sally Field.
After the spectacular Friday night men's figure skating program, during which Nathan Chen memorably staged a triumphant comeback and Adam Rippon skated to "O" by Coldplay, everyone was rightfully shewk.
Our country's greatest minds went to work figuring out how we could create a special medal just for Adam (The "just cuz" award, maybe? The "Thanks for momentarily reminding us that there is enthusiasm and joy in the world and not just a constant barrage of political controversy and malfeasance" medal? Is that too much to engrave?) Meanwhile Sally Field and son Sam Greisman were, according to Greisman, texting about his crush on the Olympian.
Just some really helpful advice from my mom on how to deal with my Olympic crush. pic.twitter.com/shYCXwNOMf- sam greisman (@SAMGREIS) February 17, 2018
Much of the convo is blocked out (would you put your texts with your mom on Twitter?!) but one can clearly see Sally advising Sam to shoot his shot. "He's insanely pretty," says two-time Oscar winner Sally Field. "Find a way."
Look, when Sally Field, who got Shelby to drink her juice, who taught Forrest that life was like chocolate, and who did not realize that Mrs. Doubtfire was her husband in drag, gives you life advice, you listen.
Sam posted the exchange on Twitter, but apparently that wasn't assertive enough for Sally Field, who has previous won the HRC's Ally for Equality Award and should win it again for what she did next.
She quote tweeted Sam's screenshot and tagged Adam Rippon and I am screaming. This is the most mom thing I've ever seen. Sally's like "You miss 90% of the shots you don't take, my dude, so call me A dot Ham because I'm not throwing away this one. Look, it's cool, I'm just going to @ this Olympian real quick and then go back to planning your wedding. Call me if you need anything. XOXO, Mom"
Sally is not playing around. Sally is out here playing matchmaker on Twitter. Sally is a bona fide celebrity. She could call up her assistant and say "Get me Adam Rippon's mom on the phone; we need to plot." And it would happen! But no, Sally doesn't have time for all this back and forth. She knows how these things work. She's like why slide into the DMs when you can come do a triple salchow on to the time line?
Bless this beautiful move. May we all go out into the world with the kind of boldness with which Sally Field approaches her son's love life. Rooting for you. Rooting for all of you! These are the Winter Games I tuned in to see. USA! USA! USA!
Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.
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