A rough road trip across Kansas showed why access for the disabled is so important | Opinion
Bathroom breaks are a must on long road trips with someone with disabilities.
Recently, I took such a trip with my 54-year-old son, who uses a wheelchair and has severe mobility issues and intellectual disabilities. He has a pleasant disposition and was a great traveling companion as we drove from Kansas City to Denver. I can’t tell you how many colors long-haul truck cabs come in, but Chris shared them all with me.
Our first stop for gas and a restroom break was at a small-town gas station with one restroom at the side of the building. However, we had no choice since it would be a while before we could stop again. If the stop had been more urgent, we never would have made it in time. Why? Because it takes time to get to the restroom after getting the wheelchair from the back of the car, helping Chris transfer from the passenger seat to the wheelchair and then getting to the restroom. It’s all in the timing.
The bathroom was so small I had to tip the wheelchair back just to get the front wheels in the door (Chris got a kick out of that maneuver). My son stood at the sink for support while I moved the wheelchair behind me and stepped inside to help him. Thank goodness for a fellow traveler, Edna, who held the door for us.
Next was lunch and another pit stop. This place had a decent restroom (inside) with a handicap stall, but a woman in front of us walked right past an empty stall and into the handicap stall. We waited and we waited until I finally knocked on the door to let her know that we needed that stall soon. She came out and skirted past without even looking at us. Wow.
Three hours later, we stopped again. This time at a gas station with a handicap sign. No doubt, the operators did the best they could with the space, but it was tight, and we had to leave the wheelchair outside the door so there’d be room for me to assist Chris. Since the risk of falling is huge — and smooth transfers from the wheelchair to a regular chair (or toilet) take a little muscle and planning — overhauling this bathroom would have made it easier for everyone in our situation.
Shower in hotel ‘handicap’ bathroom impossible to use
Chris has a sweet sense of humor, making it easier for us to keep positive and roll with the punches. Some things are simply out of our control. We had a wonderful trip with memories to share despite the lack of appropriate restrooms or automatic doors.
We made it to Denver and when we arrived at the hotel, we learned we did not have the room I requested with a roll-in shower. After our experiences on Interstate 70, this wasn’t a good sign. We were hungry and eager to get settled before dinner.
The hotel assigned us a different room until the one we needed was available the next two nights. So sadly, the so-called “handicap” bathroom in the first room was inadequate with a small shower, one grab bar too far to reach from the sliding shower door and a 3-inch lip at the edge of the shower, making it impossible for me to help Chris clean up.
The bathroom had just enough room to get the wheelchair in the door to transfer Chris to the toilet. If all this is too graphic, I’m sorry, but this is our reality. A decision had to be made. The fall risk was too great for both of us, so we didn’t shower that night. I was able to shower the next morning, but I had to give my son a sponge bath and do the best I could to shampoo his hair in the sink. Good news: Sponge baths are OK!
Many people don’t realize the realities of families who love and care for those with disabilities, as well as those with disabilities who are completely independent. We need to do better in planning our public spaces, restrooms and other accommodations (like a request for a roll-in shower). Each of us has the potential, and likelihood, of dealing with a disability at some point in our lives, especially as we age.
We’ve made some progress, but still have a long way to go. I’ve been an advocate for my son his entire life, and that includes encouraging my church to provide better accessible seating in our sanctuary and better handicap parking. Americans with Disabilities Act compliance helps us all. By being more sensitive to the needs of others, we become more compassionate and supportive of those we encounter. You never know what gifts await.
That last sentence is about the kindness of strangers we met on this trip, and the hotel staff who made us feel welcome and supported by fixing the mistake at check-in, and by showing genuine courtesy to someone who needs the support of our community wherever it may be.
We all need to share kindness, as well as advocate for others when the opportunity is right in front of us.
Marcia Tammeus is an advocate for those with special needs, an artist and a volunteer. She served on the Friends of Johnson County Developmental Supports board for many years and retired from Children’s Mercy Hospital as the Program Manager in Volunteer Services in 2007.
