"Riverdale" Recap Season 2 Episode 17: Operation Save Cheryl Blossom

Each week, Teen Vogue will be taking you on a journey to Riverdale, a quaint little town hiding some very big secrets.

Let’s get right to it, because I am s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d thinking about Cheryl Blossom being locked away at Sisters of Quiet Mercy and undergoing harmful conversion therapy (which, BTW is ineffective and damaging, and has been widely discredited). Jughead’s opening voiceover this week lets us know that Cheryl is still in the woods with the nuns, being made to watch old-fashioned propaganda regarding same-sex relationships (which she imagines as starring Kevin and Moose) and crying. Oh, Cheryl.

Back in Riverdale, Alice Cooper is hosting a student election town hall: Bughead v. Varchie v. Rosie (Reggie and Josie). Betty and Jughead are campaigning on representing all students, North and South siders alike; #Varchie field questions about the impending mayoral showdown between their families and Archie brags about how much he loves Hiram’s prison plan (earning a look between Mary and Fred in the audience); and Reggie claims that he and Josie are “chill” — unlike everyone else on stage (Alice giggles at this, even though Betty definitely gets her unchillness from her mother). After the town hall, Betty and Jughead avoid Alice, who instead confronts F.P. about how Betty is living at the Joneses’ trailer. Turns out he’s not thrilled about it either, since it means he and Jughead are sharing the pullout couch so Betty can have the bedroom (Alice is touched to hear this). F.P. tells Alice to make things right with her daughter.

Elsewhere on campus, the Andrewses and the Lodges are about to have a passive aggressive snark showdown, until Veronica and Archie step in and ask for a fair fight. The parents step down. Sure, that’ll last. Later, at their respective homes, the Lodges find Lenny and Carl — the kingpins from the poker game — in their lobby, needing to chat, and Mary asks Archie to please stand with his family when Fred announces his candidacy in a few days. Oh, and Alice finds Chic glued to the TV, because the police have found the dead man's car in the swamp. Uh-oh…

But it’s not all bad, because this means we get a Cooper/Jones meeting at Pop’s! My fave! Jughead and Betty think they wore gloves when they wiped down the car before dumping it, but they aren’t 100% sure. Neat. The squad decides to act normal until they hear anything more, which, for Alice, means Betty coming home. Betty says no.

Hiram and Archie are having their own meeting, and Hiram fills Arch in on what Lenny and Carl needed to talk about. They’re worried about Hermione’s campaign for mayor — it could bring unwanted attention to their business. Blah blah Veronica’s safety blah blah — I’m getting pretty sick of all the “just us guys” meeting Hiram and Archie have where they discuss protecting Veronica like Archie’s not her boyfriend but her hired bodyguard. It’s weird. Anyway, Archie wants to join for Hiram’s next meeting with L&C, and Hiram finds Archiekins useful, so…sure! Sigh.

Meanwhile, at school, the election is on everyone’s mind. Sweet Pea doesn’t trust Jug’s association with Betty — despite her list of all she’s done for the Serpents — which is really more about Alice’s disavowal and smearing of the Serpents over the years, and Reggie challenges Archie to an arm wrestle for the Bulldogs’ votes (which Archie wins after Reggie smack-talks Fred’s mayoral chances). How come the RHS athletes can’t decide whom to vote for on their own? Democracy, hello?

At Vixen practice, Toni is finally filling others in on The Case of the Missing Cheryl Blossom. For some reason Betty “Nancy Drew” Cooper isn’t there, but Veronica and Josie are on it! All three of them agree that Cheryl’s full-dark-no-stars social media accounts are “a sure sign of foul play,” and off to Thistle House they go!

But Cheryl isn’t at Thistle House, as we know. She’s being tortured by Sister Livingston, who has wrongly decided that Cheryl’s “imbalance” (her words, not mine) is the result of Nana Rose sometimes confusing Cheryl and Jason when they were kids and dressing them in each other’s clothes. (Gender is a construct, and anyone should be able to wear any clothes, but hey! The Sisters are all the way backwards on everything.) Cheryl, who hasn’t totally lost her spark, is like, um Nana Rose is almost blind, plus my parents’ torture messed up my psyche more than anything else, ya goof. But her backtalk gets her assigned to “physical therapy,” which involves heaving sacks around the basement, then having to re-do it all when Sister Livingston gaslights her by saying she didn’t listen and did it all wrong. Ugh.

In Riverdale, Hiram gets some bad news from Lenny and Carl (while Andre, Agent Adams, and Archie stand watch) — they want a cut of the SSHS Prison in order to justify the risk of Hermione putting them all in the public eye. Oh, and Hiram’s people in Montreal and New York have all sided with L&C. Archie jumps in to brag about the work he’s done for Hiram (exaggerating just a little bit) and Lenny and Carl laugh in his face. Hiram gives him a “if you fire a warning shot, you need to back it up” pep talk after dinner, in addition to a pat on the head that Archie seems very pleased with.

Betty and Jughead, in the midst of her ranting about Sweet Pea’s rejection, decide to lean into the “act normal” thing — because acting normal, for them, is investigating stuff and solving mysteries before the police do. So they meet with Kev to get the 411 on the swamp car. Turns out the owner claimed it; it’d been stolen. Alice is not pleased about this Bughead solo mission, and Chic figures out that the owner is probably Darla, dead guy’s (AKA Dwanye) girlfriend — however, Chic has no idea if Darla will be a threat, so Betty snarks about how unhelpful he is. Alice goes off about Betty coming home…and Chic says he’ll move out! Alice gets F.P. to back her up on this parenting move, and so it’s settled: Betty is in. Chic is out.

Team Cheryl has wormed their way into Thistle House, where Penelope Blossom claims that Cheryl is at a wellness center getting help…because of her obsessive behavior re: Josie! She reveals Cheryl’s Josie art, which freaks Josie out, because she realizes that if Cheryl drew this picture, she probably also left her the bloody pig’s heart, etc. Josie’s out. Oh, no! It’s true that Cheryl handled her crush on Josie the wrong way, but Penelope is also totally manipulating the situation here. Penelope = truly evil.

At the partially reunited Cooper home, Betty and Alice are in the middle of a disagreement about Betty getting a Serpent tattoo (hey, at least she asked for a signature on the permissions form!) when Chic walks in, kind of distraught. He was just trying to help, he says…and he has Darla in tow. Over pink tea, Darla reveals that she doesn’t really care where Dwayne is; she just wants the $10,000 he owes her. If she gets that money, she’ll run right along. If not, she might just have to talk to Sheriff Keller… Alice is about to send Betty to the bank, but since it’s nighttime and the bank is closed, Darla settles in for a board game night with the Coopers. Who’s up for Clue?

Next door, Archie is feeling lots of “estranged son” feelings because JUGHEAD is helping Fred write his announcement speech. Archiekins, get it together and hug your dad! And your best friend! He vents to Veronica later, but all thoughts of Fred immediately fly out the window because they enter the Pembrooke lobby to find a man in a black hood attacking Andre with a hammer. Archie has Black Hood flashbacks and chases the guy, only to discover it’s a double-crossing Agent Adams! They fight and he tells Archie to urge Hiram to take the L&C deal. When Archie fills the Lodges in, they’re all bark and no bite. For now, they’re on super lockdown, but Hiram has no idea what to do long term.

The next morning, everyone in Riverdale is Ready. To. Go. Betty leaves for the bank, under strict instruction from Darla not to stop anywhere else along the way. Penelope leaves for who-knows-where, cruelly scolding Nana Rose like she’s a child before she goes. Once alone, Nana Rose fixates on the phone, pushes herself out of her chair, and crawls the rest of the way to call…Toni “Antoinette” Topaz! At school! Nana Rose manages to tell Toni that Cheryl is nearby, with the sisters, before Uncle Claudius cuts the phone line. Veronica thinks that “sisters” could mean Sisters of Quiet Mercy, and Kevin (who everyone is going to for intel this week) confirms that SoQM is one of the few places left in the country that practices conversion therapy. Toni: “What the hell decade is this?” Great q, Toni. Kevin tells Team Cheryl that the sisters used to be smugglers during Prohibition, so there’s a secret tunnel in and out of the basement (which he knows because he’s hooked up with guys escaping the Sisters's abuse).

From one mission to another: at the bank, B gets a call from Alice, who tells her not to come home because the guy who beat Chic up at the hostel is there (and eating all of the Coopers's snacks). B ignores this warning (duh) and returns home with the cash — but Darla and Hostel Dude don’t want to leave. The Junior Serpents are here to save the day, though! They bust through the door and align themselves with the Coopers, and Darla’s “I’ll go to the Sheriff” threat doesn’t hold much water because, and Betty and Jug point out, they’re friends with the Sheriff’s son and the Coopers are well-respected in town. Darla and Hostel Dude grab the cash and go, and after Alice thanks the Serpents, she apologizes to Betty for not hearing her and firmly asks Chic to leave. He looks sad, but he gets it.

Later that night, Archie escorts Veronica home and gets called into Hiram’s study. V is once again shut out of her dad’s office. Hiram tells Archie he plans to accept L&C’s deal, as he has no other option. But Arch has a plan. And while he’s cooking this plan up (and lobbying Reggie to help him, using the Bulldogs’ votes as collateral), he’s missing his dad’s announcement speech. Fred and Mary are so disappointed, and you know what? SO AM I.

Meanwhile, Veronica and Toni are ready to storm the gates of the castle, and they’re dressing like Catwomen to do it. Kevin shows them the tunnel and stands watch, and inside, V and T split up. Cheryl is once again crying at movie night, until Toni bursts in — the music swells — and Cheryl and Toni finally kiss! It’s like the end of a movie…until Veronica interrupts because there are nuns on the way. It’s a narrow escape, but all three girls make it out (and crowbar the tunnel entrance behind them). YAY!

Back in Riverdale, Hiram doesn’t show for his dinner with Lenny & Carl. Instead, their car explodes, and Archie and a group of guys (the wrestling team, I assume?) in black hoods approach L&C, calling themselves the Dark Circle and declaring Riverdale (and Hiram) protected. I’m amazed that this works, but it seems to. Not all is well in Archieland, though, because the next morning before she leaves town, Mary reams into him about how much he’s changed and how she doesn’t even know who he is anymore. Mary, don’t go!

As the episode comes to a close, Alice thanks the Swords & Serpents club in person, saying she’s no longer going to deny her Southside roots — before we see her knocking on F.P.’s door and heading inside. Are they, um, together?! Archie gets the gift of a new convertible and the job of driving Veronica anywhere and everywhere (in addition to his job as Hiram’s teenage head of security). And Cheryl and Toni canoodle in the student lounge and talk about revenge on her mother and uncle. But first! Cheryl has her eye on the lead of the school musical (directed by Kevin). Cheryl: “I’m obviously Riverdale High’s Carrie White…and this school’s gonna burn!”

Kevin makes a hilariously terrified face as she says this, and that’s the episode. Cheryl’s back, baby!!!

Related: This Is What Happens When You Challenge the Stars of Riverdale to TRUTH OR DARE