I Just Rewatched "13 Going On 30" After Turning 30, And I Realized I Totally Misinterpreted The Movie As A Kid
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Hi, I'm Pernell. I celebrated my 30th birthday this year with another rewatch of my favorite sci-fi film 13 Going on 30. And it scared me.
In the movie, 13-year-old Jenna's wish to be "30, flirty and thriving" comes true when she wakes up in early 2000s New York as Adult Jenna.
It's all fun and Razzles until Jenna discovers she doesn't actually like the selfish person she grew up to be. And that led me to an epiphany: neither do I.
Just like Jenna, I achieved a life I used to only dream about. Now that I'm here, I feel incredibly lonely. Ultimately, Jenna and I turned out to be 30, flirty, and toxic. But that doesn't mean we have to keep being that way.
I understood the movie was warning us to be careful what you wish for even when I first watched it as a pre-teen. But I didn't fully grasp that the real nightmare is waking up one day and not liking — or remembering — your life (aka my morning routine).
Jenna and I ignored our friends, family, and integrity so we could complete our checklists of being "30, flirty, and thriving."
So here's what I realized I want to change about my life as I rewatched this surprisingly profound movie (and how I'm going to do it):
1.I want to move on from "the one that got away." After just one week of reconnecting with Matty, Jenna wants him to call off his wedding? Toxic!
Watching the movie again as a 30-year-old, I finally understood why Matty didn't just leave his fiancé at the altar. For 17 years, Jenna ignored Matty and iced him out of her life. Then one day out of the blue, she knocks on his door and claims that she:
1) went to sleep as a 13-year-old,
2) woke up as a 30-year-old, and
3) doesn't remember the last two decades of her life.
I get her though. I still think about the first guy I ever loved from high school. But me and him made our own choices, including getting to the end of every day and not reaching out to each other. The reality: we're two very different people now. And I want to move on.
2.I want to find my own interests, not copy them from movies. At 30, Jenna's supposedly got it all, yet she feels hollow in her life.
She's a big-time magazine editor, dating a famous athlete, and living in an ultra-spacious New York apartment that she literally dreamed of. So why isn't she happy?Probably because following other people's goals instead of taking the time to figure out your own is ultimately shallow.
It feels nice to be successful and popular from other people's POVs, but what does it matter if you're not happy with yourself? Or if you don't have any friends?
3.I want to stop pushing my friends away. When Jenna rekindled her friendship with Matty, it reminded me how lost I would be without my own best friends.
The first thing Jenna does when she realizes she's fast-forwarded into the future is seek out her best friend. I love that for her. And even though Matty hasn't seen Jenna in almost 20 years, he listens to her, gives her a fluffy pillow, and even walks her back to her apartment. He's a good friend.
I can't say the same about me. I love the friends I still have, but I'm pretty clueless about what's going on in their life. I vaguely understand their day jobs. I tend to isolate myself because I feel like I'm not the person I'm supposed to be yet. But if I keep pushing friends away, more will leave.
If you want to be a big-time magazine editor with friends, you have to be a big-time magazine editor and a friend.
4.I want to have more community in my life. Rewatching the movie's dancing scenes reminded me that deep down, most of us crave connection.
The iconic "Thriller" scene in 13 Going on 30 still holds up today because it's infectious watching people tap into their inner child and bonding. We're all capable of being kind, funny, silly, and happy around each other — we're just conditioned to conceal it.
I got so carried away with the vague goal of being a sophisticated adult that I forgot how healing it is to be a part of something bigger than me.
5.I want less meaningless relationships. Adult Jenna only cares about climbing up the social ladder and she doesn't have any real friends because of it.
The only personal photos she has in her office are of her boyfriend she doesn't even like, disgraced ex-mayor Rudy Giuliani, and pop star Madonna. It's pretty clear that Jenna didn't have anyone in her life she could actually talk to. Even her assistant was terrified of her.
I've neglected and lost too many friends all because I spent too much of my time trying to stand out on social media or to bosses and co-workers for jobs that I didn't even like. I want people to know me because of the kind of friend that I am, not for who I'm friends with.
6.I want to be a friendlier neighbor. Adult Jenna makes no effort to be kind or empathetic to the people outside her circle.
I do not say hi to my neighbors. I regularly wait by my front door and listen to make sure the coast is clear, just so I don't bump into anyone. It's not that I don't like people. I'm so anxious all the time that I forget that the people I see everyday are dealing with their own battles. And while I have no ill-will towards the people in my neighborhood, they've identified me as someone who ignores them.
It doesn't feel good to be that person. It doesn't feel good to be ignored either.
7.I want to go home more often. Watching Jenna run into her parents' arms at her lowest point made me want to immediately call my own mom and dad.
It's hard living states-away from the two people who are always there for me, even when they don't fully understand me.
The pandemic shocked me into a harsh reality: my parents are not going to be alive forever. And instead of spending my money on trips to Cabo or $300 jeans, I want to allocate more money to see them in person while I can.
8.I will not choose between my career and personal life. Even though Jenna grew up to be a mean adult, I loved that she had such an amazing and exciting job.
It felt strange that the film fell into the tired trope of a woman having to choose between love or career. Why can't she have both?
This rewatch reinforced that I want romance and power in my own life — having both is going to take some trial and error. Ultimately, it seems like Jenna can't have either in the end because she's made too many poor decisions up until that point and it's too late. But I'm not a time traveler. I'm 30. I still have time to find the work/life balance that feels right for me.
9.I want to (continue to) discover my own personal style. There's something admirable about Jenna dressing up the way she wants to.
While most of her outfits as an adult in 13 Going on 30 are a little zany, some of them are actually iconic. At first, she bases her looks on old issues of "Poise" she used to read (like the hair buns with chopsticks look). Slowly, she comes into her own style.
I love that Jenna was game to try outfits she liked herself and take bold swings (like this ribbon headband look she's going for above — very Madeline). She was willing to venture outside what was already in her closet and now I think I am too.
10.I want to stop moving the goal posts in my life. When young Jenna first wakes up in the future, she's so smitten with her life. But it turns out even that wasn't enough for Adult Jenna.
The reveal that the spy selling out Poise to rival magazine Sparkle is Jenna was like a twist out of an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Even though Adult Jenna already had it all, she wanted more.
Every time I reach a life goal, I'm already thinking of the next one. When you don't allow yourself to enjoy what you already have, it's easy to get fixated on what you don't. Adult Jenna made a terrible decision here, but it's probably because she was unhappy. Or on autopilot.
11.I want to remember the past (and the pain). Unlike Jenna, I remember my 20s — they sucked.
I felt like I had no purpose, lost all my friends from college, was incredibly depressed, and couldn't pay for more therapy. I wouldn't relive them, but living through those personal battles back then is the reason why I now have so much more capacity for empathy, especially towards myself.
I'm on Mrs. Rink's side here. There's something fascinating about rebuilding your life and making things right. You can't turn back time, but you can learn from it.
12.I want to revisit more old things. Jenna embracing nostalgia and facing her past is what (almost) saves her future.
It's so funny that my original takeaway from my first viewing of this movie is that my 30s are going to be epic. That's like, not at all the point of the movie. If anything, rewatching 13 Going on 30 as an adult feels like a cautionary tale against living life on autopilot. I learned that allowing ourselves to miss things, people, and relationships helps us to better appreciate what we have right now.
13.I want to actually enjoy my 30s. Just like Jenna Rink, it might seem like you have it together, but that feeling of being a confused kid never completely goes away. And that's okay.
Because when you're 30, you're also 13, 14, 15, and so on. Now that I've entered the coveted third decade, I find it hilarious when younger people truly believe they'll figure it all out by this age. Spoiler alert: you won't.
Learn from me and Jenna's journey: I spent most of my 20s wishing I could fast forward to Jenna's age and missed out on the beauty of being on the same journey as my friends. I love that I'm here now, but if I could go back without consequence... I'd do so immediately (I had so much hair).
So no matter how this decade turns out, I'm determined to be fully present in it. After all, "30, flirty, and thriving" isn't a checklist — it's a state of mind.
What other classic movies hit differently as an adult? Is there anything you’ve rewatched recently that you realized you completely misinterpreted as a child? Let me know in the comments.
I'm going to go to the bar and order a Manhattan because I can. Cheers, y'all. 🍸
