I refuse to get a microwave – it might be convenient, but it isn’t cooking
My four-year-old recently came out with ‘Marks & Spensive’, which joins ‘apple scrumble’ on her shelf of effective culinary neologisms. M&S can indeed be ‘spensive’, as anyone who has skirted the banks of the £4-for-some-olives Rubicon will attest.
That said, I was struck by the good value of its new Cook Menu Dine In deal. This promises a main for two, including some dishes I can never be bothered to make, such as salmon en croûte, plus two sides, for just £10. It’s one of a raft of new and somewhat confusing similar offers. Evidently M&S is betting big on eating in. As I explained to the four-year old, this was a nutritious and varied selection of home-cookable meals, undoubtedly being employed as a ‘loss leader’ to encourage us into the shop, in order that we might later be stung by higher-markup treats. What’s not to like?
The sides, as it turns out. What appears at first glance to be a wide selection of vegetable dishes is actually a tribute to the microwave oven. A significant number of the hot vegetable sides demand one. Cabbage, kale and chard; bulgur wheat with lentils, courgette and edamame; potatoes, peas, spinach and green beans; seasoned carrot and sweet-potato crush: all were microwave-only. I don’t own one of these machines, which means I am limited to the roastable veg such as carrots with red onion.
At the risk of sounding like a fogey, when did a microwave become an assumed component of every kitchen? I was brought up on the idea that microwaves were a necessary evil; useful for leftovers and baby milk, or creating an exciting miniature lightning storm, but fundamentally against the spirit of the culinary enterprise. Like a snack, a microwave-able meal was something to be consumed with a mild sense of shame, when one was too tired or lazy to cook properly. No ingredient tastes its best out of the microwave, let alone a fresh vegetable. It’s not that microwaving these side dishes is just an option – as any undergraduate will tell you, the microwave is always an option – it’s that these pots have been engineered to require one. It might be convenient, but it isn’t cooking.
The statistics tell me I am in a dwindling minority. Last year’s trend report by Lakeland found that, for the first time, more people owned a microwave (88 per cent) than an oven (87 per cent). I realise these numbers mean it sounds like I’m ranting about companies assuming I have electricity. But by excluding the brave sector of the population holding out against the microwave oven, Marks & Spensive’s discount dinners hasten the nation’s culinary demise. These sides might not be a ready meal in the sense of being processed gloop, but they are just as lazy. It’s another step on the path to a world where all food is just a tray that says ‘warm up’.
Still, things could be worse. Although the back of the packet of carrots mercifully concedes that they might be roasted in an oven, it offers an alternative, too: the air fryer. Expect to see more of this kind of thing, along with cookbooks offering ever-quicker meals. Thirty minutes to 15 minutes to 7.5 minutes and so on, until Jamie Oliver marks his 100th birthday with a book full of meals that can be made in one second. There is no stopping progress. Dinner might be cheap and easy, but only if you have the right gadget.
