Qdoba Is Better Than Chipotle

Recently, a handful of GQ coworkers ruthlessly and baselessly engaged in ad hominem attacks against me for correctly pointing out that Qdoba is better than Chipotle. Site editor Chris Gayomali wrote, “Alex, you’ve had a lot of bad opinions, but this is your worst yet.” He then asked me to contribute to a new series called “A Hill to Die On.” As Chris is my boss, I dutifully located a nearby hill where I could ingest a Chipotle burrito with a side of extra norovirus, until he clarified that my assignment was to prove, in writing, why Qdoba is superior. Much easier.

Before I proceed, I want to clarify that I’m not arguing Qdoba is a masterclass of culinary excellence. It is perfectly adequate, nothing more, nothing less. There are obviously far tastier Mexican-style options. But in a pinch or on a budget, Qdoba is the winner. My reasoning is best explained with an acronym I just invented called COPS, which stands for Cost, Options, Palate, and Safety. Coincidentally, this acronym also describes many of my Chipotle-preferring colleagues.

C: Cost

A standard chicken burrito or bowl with identical ingredients—rice, beans, salsa, corn, cheese, and lettuce—is $8.95 before taxes at my local, overpriced Brooklyn Chipotle, and $8.29 before taxes at my local, overpriced Brooklyn Qdoba. I’m willing to call the discrepancy a draw, given that there are presumably regional splits in pricing depending on where you live.

It’s different for vegetarians, however, who are getting a raw deal at Chipotle regardless of where they’re ordering. A vegetarian burrito/bowl from Chipotle costs the same amount as a chicken burrito/bowl, whereas at Qdoba, vegetarian burritos/bowls are cheaper than meat options. The reason, Chipotle says, is they’re granting vegetarian customers the exclusive privilege of adding guacamole to bowls or burritos without charging extra.

You see, a slab of guac is not cheap—in New York, for instance, it’s an additional $2.45. Problem is, if you want a vegetarian meal sans guac, Chipotle ain’t cutting that $2.45 from the bill. You’re still going to pay as much as you would for a chicken burrito/bowl. That is not my definition of getting a freebie. Guacamole and queso are actually free at Qdoba, like cheese or sour cream, regardless of whether or not you’re a meat eater. (Chipotle’s watered-down queso will also run you extra.)

O: Options

Qdoba, unlike Chipotle, doesn’t pretend to be above one of the tenets of fast-food chains: Rolling out zany menu options and seeing what sticks. You can order breakfast at Qdoba! There’s an Impossible burrito and an Impossible taco at participating locations! A loaded tortilla soup exists, for some reason! The three-cheese nachos are actually worth splitting with friends! Most crucially, Qdoba has a quesadilla listed prominently on the menu. You’re not going to piss off an employee by ordering it. Chipotle, on the other hand, keeps quesadillas on reserve as a “secret” menu item. It’s annoying enough when In-N-Out does that shit.

P: Palate

Here is where the haughty and holier-than-thou crowd emerges. Chipotle just tastes better than Qdoba, and doesn’t need any gimmicks to prove its worth, its defenders say. There’s an Internet consensus that Chipotle’s chicken and guacamole are, in fact, better than Qdoba’s. Chipotle defenders have some empirical evidence on their side, via a blind taste test involving a group of college students, who are, no joke, probably the best population segment to weigh in on this debate. They too liked Chipotle’s chicken and guacamole better, but also voted in favor of Qdoba for its chips and rice. Deadspin preferred Qdoba’s beans in 2014. The fajita veggies, pico de gallo, and corn are a draw.

There are a few meal constructions, specifically with chicken and guacamole, where I’ll allow that Chipotle could be the tastier choice. However, there are no meal constructions involving queso where it makes sense to choose Chipotle over Qdoba, especially after factoring in cost. And queso, when done right a la Qdoba, should always be in a fast-food burrito. I need flavor and substance in my burrito that goes beyond a squirt of spicy salsa and some shredded cheese. I understand queso isn’t “good for you,” but if you’re already planning on adding a tortilla to the mix, then your calorie count has surpassed unhealthy territory anyway. Might as well rip the bandaid off and get the fast-food fixings you deserve.

S: Safety

Let’s take a trip down memory lane. In August 2015, a norovirus outbreak struck a Simi Valley, California Chipotle. Health inspectors soon discovered a bunch of health code violations at that location. The same month, 22 restaurants in Minnesota were affected by a Salmonella outbreak; a short time later, Chipotles in the Pacific Northwest got in on the action with an E. Coli outbreak that grabbed the attention of the Centers for Disease Control; in December 2015, hundreds of students at Boston College became acquainted with norovirus via a Chipotle; in July 2017 came a—you guessed it—Chipotle norovirus outbreak in Sterling, Virginia; a full year afterwards, roughly 700 people got food poisoning from an Ohio location; in April 2019, Chipotle received a subpoena from federal prosecutors as part of an ongoing investigation into that latest health scare. And this week, a report by The New Food Economy concluded that the “compostable” bowls Chipotle disperses are not actually compostable, or biodegradable, and in fact may pose serious health risks.

It is undeniably true that restaurants of all calibers will occasionally make someone—or even multiple someones—sick. It is also accepted as fact that there are untold horrors occurring behind the scenes of fast-food chains. Almost everything in life involves risk, and I accept this when I eat at Jack in the Box or Chipotle.

But Chipotle loves to talk about how it’s above the fray of fast-food, with ingredients largely free of preservatives that are responsibly sourced from farms rather than factories. That’s genuinely an admirable goal… but it hasn’t been achieved in a way that isn’t getting people routinely sick. Chipotle is not above the fast-food fray, and I personally think it’d be cool if they could go a few years without any health crises. Until then, my COPS coworkers can roll their eyes at me and vouch for Chipotle’s GMO-free offerings at their own peril.

I’ll stick to a flavorful queso-filled burrito from Qdoba for $8.29.

Originally Appeared on GQ