Princess Eugenie's Dress Meant A Lot to Me, Because I Have the Same Scar
It was like a scene out of a fairy tale. Princess Eugenie was the epitome of royal elegance as she wed Jack Brooksbank on October 12. From the colorful bouquet she carried to her gorgeous updo to the pomp and circumstance of the guests as they greeted the happy couple on the steps of the church, all eyes were on the beaming bride.
It was her wedding dress, though, that left people talking long after the ceremony - and for good reason. The Peter Pilotto backless dress matched Princess Eugenie's exquisite elegance, and she chose that dress specifically for a very special reason: She wanted to show her surgery scar.
“I had an operation when I was 12 on my back, and you'll see on Friday [at the wedding], but it's a lovely way to honour the people who looked after me and a way of standing up for young people who also go through this,” she said in an interview before the wedding. “I think you can change the way beauty is, and you can show people your scars and I think it's really special to stand up for that.”
It's a very powerful statement, especially coming from the notoriously private royal family. Here was Princess Eugenie, standing proudly and showing her scar to the world. It's a much-needed message of empowerment, and if Twitter is any indication, people all over the world received, felt and celebrated that message. People even began sharing their own personal scar stories on the social media platform.
Maybe Princess Eugenie's backless dress means so much to me because I see a lot of myself in her. Like her, I underwent spinal surgery at 10 to correct scoliosis. I spent weeks in the hospital and, like her, have a permanent scar. It runs the length of my back, trailing from my neck to my tailbone, and, like the princess, my scar is still visible almost 30 years after my surgery. It may have grown a bit faint over the years and filled in with scar tissue, but it's always there.
But we're not actually supposed to like our scars, are we? And we're most definitely not supposed to show them, either. In our near-constant quest for perfection, society teaches us from a young age to reject any kind of "imperfection," such as a scar, blemish, or even wrinkles. There are creams to get rid of wrinkles. There's makeup foundation to cover blemishes. And some people even wear clothing that will hide their scars.
Even fairy tales and Disney movies send the message that "scars are bad." Often times, it's the villains who have some sort of scar or deformity - Captain Hook from Peter Pan, the Wicked Queen from Snow White, Cruella DeVil from 101 Dalmatians. And, in The Lion King, we meet a villain actually named Scar; it doesn't get more literal than that.
By contrast, the princesses in these stories are all conventionally beautiful, with long, luscious hair and smooth skin. Young girls see these perfect princesses and want to be them.
But thanks to Princess Eugenie, they now have a new princess to look up to. A princess who is even better than perfect because she is real and she truly embraces who she is. Her scar is part of her story and she’s proud of that story. Our scars are a part of us. They’re part of our life and they’ve helped make us into who we are.
A post shared by Princess Eugenie (@princesseugenie) on Jun 30, 2018 at 8:53am PDT
In addition to my back scar, I have a handful of other scars from various surgeries. Some on my knees, others on my hips, and two faint scars on my thumbs. The older I get, the more I love my scars. I look in the mirror and I can see it now. All those scars and surgeries and hospitalizations are a big part of my story, and everything that I've been through has helped make me a strong woman who is a fighter and comfortable in her own skin.
I'd always been afraid that acknowledging my scars would force a label on me that I didn't want, but, really, the opposite was true: Owning them set me free. I could finally, at long last, be me - the woman I was meant to be. Scars and all.
Melissa Blake is a freelance writer and blogger from Illinois. She covers disability rights and women's issues and has written for The New York Times, Good Housekeeping, Glamour and Racked, among others. Read her blog, So About What I Said, and follow her on Twitter.
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