Prince Harry "Hates" Himself For His Reaction to Meghan Markle's Mental Health Struggles

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Harry "Hates" His Reaction to Meghan's StrugglesSamir Hussein - Getty Images
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During her interview with Oprah Winfrey in March 2021, Meghan Markle shared with the world her struggles with suicidal thoughts. "I just didn't want to be alive anymore. And that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought," Meghan told Oprah. "I said that I needed to go somewhere to get help...And I was told that I couldn't, that it wouldn't be good for the institution."

In the Netflix docuseries Harry & Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex opens up further on her suicidal ideation. "It was like, 'All of this will stop if I'm not here,'" Meghan recalls. "And that was the scariest thing about it, is it was such clear thinking."

Prince Harry also shares his reaction to his wife's crisis. "I was devastated. I knew that she was struggling, we were both struggling, but I never thought that it would get to that stage, and the fact that it got to that stage, I felt angry and ashamed," Harry says.

He continues, "I didn't deal with it particularly well. I dealt with it as institutional Harry as opposed to husband Harry. And what took over my feelings was my royal role. I'd been trained to worry more about, 'What are people gonna think if we don't go to this event? We're gonna be late.' And looking back on it now, I hate myself for it."

Harry concludes, "What she needed from me was so much more than I was able to give."

Meghan's mom, Doria, also talks about that scary moment in her daughter's life. "I remember her telling me that she had wanted to take her own life, and that really broke my heart, because I knew that it was bad, but to just constantly be picked at by these vultures, just picking away at her spirit, that she would actually think of not wanting to be here," Doria shares. "That's not an easy one for a mom to hear, and I can't protect her. H can't protect her."

Recently, Meghan spoke plainly about why it was so important for her to share her mental health struggles.

"Look, I was really ashamed to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry especially, because I know how much loss he has suffered, but I knew that if I didn't say it, then I would do it. I just didn't want to be alive anymore," Meghan said at the Robert F. Kennedy Human Rights Ripple of Hope Gala.

She continued, "But ultimately, if you feel like there's someone else that has a lived experience. they've gotten to the other side, and gave an example of resilience, an example of 'there is a happy ending', I think that's what most people are probably seeking out in those moments. That's why I made the decision to just say 'if my experience can help someone else not feel the same way or to know that there's hope then it's worth every second of whatever comes with it.'"

If you or someone you know is at risk, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text HOME to 741741 to message with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free.

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