What It Was Like to Postpone My Wedding Due to COVID-19 Concerns
Four days before I realized we would probably have to postpone our May wedding due to COVID-19, my fiancé and I were doing the final walk-through of our wedding venue. We strolled through the ceremony site and reception space with our wedding planner, running through all the plans we’d had for more than a year at that point, tying up any loose ends. Afterwards, my mom and I had a disagreement about whether passed hors d'oeuvres at cocktail hour were important or not. Two days after that, I had the final call with my florist to confirm orders for the wedding. We joked about how we hoped there would be enough toilet paper left by May 9. Less than two weeks after that call, we had told all of our guests that we had officially postponed our wedding by a full year. In the span of 10 days, we had gone from our wedding being in less than two months to more than 12. And while we’re now completely at peace with the decision, those 10 days were... well, anything but peaceful.
When we first thought we’d have to postpone
The first time we started worrying that we’d have to postpone was the day of that phone call with my florist. By that evening, the first cases of the novel coronavirus had shown up where we live (Philadelphia) and we started to get worried. At that point, our anxiety was mostly surrounding guests being unable to travel, either by their own choice or because of travel restrictions. We had no idea just how bad it would get, and most of our anxieties were dismissed by friends and family who kept insisting that “it would all blow over in two weeks.” Two days after that, we knew things were more serious.
The number of cases was climbing steadily, and I started to receive emails from vendors updating us on their perspective in the midst of a pandemic. Some wanted to let us know of potential logistical issues (like flower orders possibly being delayed from wholesale vendors), and others wanted to let us know that they still planned to work our wedding no matter what. Things were serious, but still developing. After many, many anxiety spirals that ended in tears, I ultimately decided that what we needed was a back-up plan.
When we started making back-up plans
First, I had to contact our venue to see if they were willing to move our wedding to another day in the future (we had already paid the full venue fee). Once they confirmed they were for couples getting married in either April or May, I had to cross check their available dates with the availability with my most costly, most important vendors. This meant I had to call or email (often, both) multiple vendors to see if they were willing and able to move to a handful of days later in 2020 and in 2021.
This entire process took days of back and forth, but thanks to the flexibility and understanding of our vendors, we eventually (again, after a lot of crying) landed on putting a soft hold on a Saturday in April 2021. At this point, though, many of our friends and family still seemed skeptical that we’d even need a backup date. Some thought we were blowing things out of proportion. Others made me feel like I was overreacting by making the back-up date a year later.
While having a hold on a back-up date made me feel better, it was this time period during the entire process that felt the worst of everything. Watching the headlines and new, ever increasing number of cases roll in day after day seemed to confirm what I already knew in my gut: The wedding we had spent nearly two years planning was probably not happening in May 2020. The waiting, though, was the worst part. I knew people would have to cancel flights, hotel rooms, and Airbnb reservations. I knew we’d have to figure out a way to let everyone know. Postponing the wedding a year was upsetting, but it was the limbo period that had me on the verge of a panic attack. And then, the CDC guidelines came in.
When we officially postponed
The guidelines strongly urged people to cancel gatherings of 50 people or more through May 10. Our wedding was scheduled for May 9. It was close, and though we still had people telling us that things would probably be OK by then, we were both done with the limbo period. We also both knew better than to go against a CDC recommendation that was in place to protect us, as well as our loved ones. So 10 days after our final venue walk-through and 50 days before our original wedding date, we made the official call to postpone.
Logistically, this meant confirming the change with all of our vendors, one by one. This meant signing new contracts. This meant drafting messages to all our guests and updating our wedding website with the new information. Emotionally, though, things were even more complicated. Though a large part of me was relieved to finally have the decision made and had been distracted by the practical aspects of rescheduling (calls, emails, contracts), I was now hit by a wave of grief. All the excitement we had had as we counted down to the wedding for more than a year was suddenly gone, and we both felt the loss. But to my surprise, this feeling faded almost as quickly as it arrived.
Olivia Muenter Jake Romo Winnie.jpg
Stephanie Moreira/Courtesy Olivia MuenterHow it feels now
It was replaced with an overwhelming sense of community and shared experience — and not just with other brides, though I did ultimately connect with dozens of other couples going through the same thing. I found myself feeling more connected to everyone, because nearly every person is experiencing grief on some level right now. There have been canceled weddings, yes, but there have also been missed proms, graduations, long-planned family vacations. I’ve heard of people not being able to attend funerals of beloved family members. People losing jobs they loved and needed to survive. Missed honeymoons and baby showers. The loss goes on and on, and most of it barely even touches the actual life-and-death aspect of this pandemic.
As someone who has never done well with things being out of their control, the way that I’ve reacted to our wedding being postponed has mostly surprised me. It’s not that I didn’t grieve or wasn’t sad — I asked why me, I cried, and I took it all out on people around me more times than I’d like to admit. But I quickly snapped out of it, buoyed by the fact that it wasn’t just me being sad, or even just me and my partner. We’re all a little sad right now, and we’re also smack dab in the middle of something that feels totally impossible, yet we’re getting through it side-by-side (but, you know... still six feet apart).
It’s been three weeks since we officially postponed our wedding, and these days I’m trying my best to give first-hand advice to engaged couples who are on the cusp of postponing. I make sure to communicate to them the practical steps (talk with vendors, secure a backup date, etc.), but I also try to remind them of the main fact that gives me comfort in all of this when I start to feel down: This year probably won’t look like what you expected, but you’re not alone, you have each other, and maybe that’s enough for now.
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Originally Appeared on Allure
