I Pledge Allegiance to Beto's Dog Artemis

From ELLE

Yesterday, Beto O'Rourke became the 319th person to join the 2020 presidential race, also known as America: Endgame. Shockingly, we still have 600 days until the election and scientists estimate that at least 50 more people will come forward to throw their hats in the ring. If Beto wins the presidency, historians note that he will be the first Normcore Zaddy-American to sit in the Oval Office since Franklin Pierce. (JFK was a zaddy but he was not normcore.) But the historicity of O'Rourke's run is overshadowed by 2020's biggest star: the O'Rourke family's dog, Artemis.

Beto cannily chose to announce his candidacy as part of a Vanity Fair cover story on Artemis.

Some may frame the story as "about O'Rourke" and "exclusively focused on his life, ideas, and quotes," but true visual artists will note that the eye immediately travels to the ambivalent black dog in the lower right corner like the focal point in a Wyeth painting. While the candidate does his best impression of your high school prom date posting a striking good Instagram photo on vacation, Artemis can't be bothered to even acknowledge the lens. This is true power.

It's clear that O'Rourke, who manifests an energy that can best be described as "love interest of a Jennifer Garner character," understands the potential that Artemis has to steal focus. To wit, he has only posted one photo of her on Twitter, seen above, and two photos of her on Facebook. Here she's seen with the family's other black dog, Rosie, who has largely eschewed the political limelight, preferring to focus more on artistic endeavors like Lee Radziwill to Artemis' Jackie O.

I'm not saying that Beto is trying to keep Artemis from overtaking him in popularity and running away the entire election, but I'm not not saying it. But Artemis' power is too great. Witness how she shoe-horned herself into Vanity Fair like the young star of an independent film poised for a breakout role in a superhero movie. This dog's team is working overtime. And it's working! Artemis is Ally and Beto is Jackson Maine and all of America is Halsey saying "How great, Ally." This is a real life Wag the Dog situation.

Time will tell if Artemis O'Rourke, political genius and very good girl, can successfully go the distance in 2020. It's clear that she will demolish Trump in a debate, but the presidential field is currently very crowded and we've never had a canine president. (Chester A. Arthur was one-quarter fox.) But if anyone can do it it's this dog, named after the goddess of the hunt and ready for her closeup!

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