Play Cousins Boost Black Kids' Social-Emotional Development—And More

Fictive kinship, which is more common in Black and brown communities, is a foundation that Black kids can build upon through adulthood.

We all have that cousin who isn't really our cousin. We grew up with them, they feel more like family than a friend, and it’s just a whole lot easier to call them “cousin”—anything less wouldn’t do the relationship justice.

For Black communities, these “fictive kin,” which include play aunties and play uncles (thanks to Insecure for that one), are a form of bonding over close ties that reaches beyond the remits of friendship. Sometimes, these ties are even closer than actual blood or marriage relatives. They’re founded on affection, emotional significance, and a mutual exchange of respect, resources, and responsibility for one another.

A 2022 study published in the Journal of Family Issues found that 87% of African Americans, Black Caribbeans, and Non-Latino Whites have a fictive kin relationship with 61% of respondents stating that they routinely receive fictive kin support. According to the 2022 study, play family members are sources of socioeconomic capital among marginalized populations. The study describes these relationships as positive associations that strengthen family bonds rather than substitute family relationships.

This is important when it comes to raising children–having play cousins is a way of building a village around your children, strengthening informal ties through familiarity, maintaining community connections, and giving them access to tight-knit support circles.

Dr. Chanda Reynolds, licensed clinical psychologist and podcast host on the Revolt Podcast Network says that this concept is deeply rooted in African culture and represents the importance of community and extended family networks. “The concept of play cousins has historical roots in African communities, dating back to times of slavery when families were often torn apart.”

“The creation of fictive kinship bonds helped compensate for the loss of biological family ties and provided emotional support and stability. This tradition has continued to evolve and thrive in Black communities.”

Princess Audia Reggie, AMFT, expands on this, saying that “for American Descendants of Slavery (ADOS), the ramifications of fractured family systems, both nuclear and extended, have been a persistent challenge. This is due in part to the lack of regard for the emotional and psychological consequences of American chattel slavery.”

“For example, the preservation of the family system was inconsequential to the slave owner who wielded their power by coercing individuals into compliance, often using the threat of disrupting their family stability as a means of control. Consequently, the unconventional extended family framework has emerged as a pivotal force in the upbringing of children, and the development of robust communities.”

To get a better understanding of this, she suggests readers who are not African Descendants of Slavery (ADOS) reflect on how their family history and historical circumstances may have influenced their access to traditional family models. “For instance, factors such as immigration, wartime upheavals, and mass casualties have compelled individuals to rely on nontraditional family structures, mirroring the experiences of ADOS.”

How Play Cousins Help Black Kids Thrive

For children, Dr. Reynolds stresses that play cousins in particular are considered just as important as actual family members when building a village within Black communities. “The village concept emphasizes the idea that it takes a collective effort to raise and support children. Play cousins contribute to this collective effort by providing emotional support, guidance, and a sense of belonging. Research by scholars like Patricia Hill Collins, Bell Hooks, and Audre Lorde highlight the significance of these extended networks in African American communities.”

Importantly, play cousins are crucial to the role in the social and emotional development of Black children. “They offer companionship, serve as confidants, and help children navigate the challenges they may face in their lives. Play cousins can be a source of emotional support, acting as a buffer against stressors and adversities,” explains Dr. Reynolds.

Reggie expands on this, saying “Play cousins wield an indispensable role in providing the same levels of care, support, and communal connection as traditional family units for Black children. In some instances, they may even serve as a healthier alternative, particularly when the conventional extended family structure faces dysfunction.”

“Play cousins are not merely an informal term used to describe close childhood friends, they represent a profound and enduring connection that transcends the confines of traditional blood ties. In many cases, these bonds are formed out of necessity, as historical and personal circumstances dictated the need for alternative family structures.”

Reggie outlines four essential ways in which play cousins can significantly impact the upbringing of Black children. Firstly, she notes the emotional support they provide. "Play cousins often serve as confidants and sources of emotional support. They offer a sense of belonging and companionship, providing children with trusted individuals they can turn to during times of joy or adversity. This emotional bond helps nurture the child's emotional well-being and resilience because they are often our first playgroup.”

The second way is financial support, in which she mentions that play cousins and their families may provide financial assistance when needed. “For example, this can include support with celebrating milestones like birthdays and graduations.”

The third way is through an extended social network. “Play cousins expand a child's social network beyond their immediate family. This network can be a valuable resource for future opportunities, connections, and friendships. It helps children develop strong interpersonal skills and adaptability.”

Resilience and community are the fourth ways play cousins impact the upbringing of Black children according to Reggie. “Play cousins contribute to the development of a strong sense of community. They teach children the importance of mutual support and cooperation within their extended network. This sense of belonging to a larger community can be empowering and instill a sense of pride in one's cultural heritage.”

This last point in particular resonates strongly with Dr. Reynolds too. “Play cousins exemplify the resilience and strength of Black communities in maintaining close-knit social networks. These relationships highlight the importance of cultural continuity and the transmission of values from one generation to the next.”

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