What to do when a personal crisis is infringing upon your busy life

Powerhouse fashion publicist Kelly Cutrone once published a memoir and guidebook called If You Have To Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You. The title conveys that in order to be successful in the workplace, you can’t show emotions in front of your colleagues. You should repress any hint of vulnerability.

But compartmentalizing isn’t always so easy. “Going outside” isn’t a sustainable, long-term solution at work or school.

Even if we’ve built these arbitrary barriers between our work/non-work or school/non-school lives, personal crises can take a toll on our performance. When there’s some sort of negative energy or trauma in our personal lives, it can make us late for meetings or classes, cause us to miss deadlines or affect the quality of our work on group projects. But if we don’t disclose what’s happening to your managers, professors or team members, there’s no way for them to know what’s causing the change in your performance.

Here’s what you can do when a personal crisis is infringing upon your non-personal life.

Share what’s happening

Gia Ganesh, vice president of people and culture at Florence Healthcare, says that people should share what they are going through with their superiors.

“[People] should share as much as is needed so that they can help and make the right arrangements to ensure continuity, to ensure that they are well supported and that [others are] not impacted,” she said.

By coming forward, you can set the record straight with your employer that you aren’t messing up on purpose or feeling apathetic about your performance in general. Your employer or professors can help you come up with a roadmap to balance your work and personal lives.

Don’t get too personal

Ganesh says there is a “delicate balance” between divulging too much and too little about your personal situation to an employer or professor. While it’s important to make clear the change in your performance was brought about by outside factors, you don’t have to get too personal. Ultimately, it’s up to the employee to determine that boundary. However, be mindful about what information is and isn’t necessary.

“Think about why they need to know what they need to know and how it is going to impact [your performance], and share the story from that perspective, not necessarily getting into personal details which are not relevant,” she said.

Work friends are a “gray area”

In the age of remote work, it’s easy to forget that the physical office space was once a place in which friendships could blossom. During coffee breaks, lunches or happy hours, you were able to bond, trade jokes and discuss personal matters. As many employees are returning to the office — and with many young workers learning about office dynamics for the first time — the idea of workplace friendships will likely return.

Ganesh says that though work friendships can be very healthy, we should be mindful of how they can lead to some conflicts of interest and create a new kind of personal crisis that could impact your work life even more. If someone is in the same friend group as their manager and there’s some sort of falling out, that change in relationship could have a real impact on your day-to-day at work.

Do your own research to stay ahead

Workplaces and universities can provide wellness programs and mental health resources for employees and provide communal support. She suggests that it’s also a matter of company culture, citing a situation when an employee lost their spouse, their coworkers took it upon themselves to create a meal train to provide support. Even though it wasn’t “company-mandated,” it reflects a sense of community.

“Building a place where people feel psychologically safe to bring up such issues is another thing that you need to be able to provide as an employer and then fostering care in ways that don't impact the business too much is important as well,” she said.

Even if you’re not currently going through a personal crisis, it’s important to get acquainted with whether or not your educational institution or workplace is equipped. By planning ahead, you can navigate any future crises and see how your school or company can better suit your needs.

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