The Perfect Pants Are Kind of Pricey—but They Are So Versatile That It’s OK

This is One Thing, a column with tips on how to live.

In the late ’90s, I had a pair of black pull-on pants from Express that I wore everywhere. They weren’t leggings—they had a kick flare; my roommate called them “baby pants” because they didn’t have pockets. (Babies—they have no need for pockets.) The fabric was thick and matte and smooth, and I could pair them with a tank top to go dancing at my favorite little club in Baltimore, or with a nice black tunic top I got at the Gap for work. At some point, I either lost these pants or my roommate stole them when she moved out. I pined for them.

You might think it would be easy to replace my baby pants, but it wasn’t. Their type went out of style, giving way to low-rise jeans that were never going to work for me. Cargo pants became trendy, too, but they are the opposite of versatile. Pants generally bedeviled me for years: I am short; 5 feet, 1 inch. All rises were too high, and all legs were too long. I have thought longingly about my baby pants for decades now, because they were perfect.

But, joy! I have found the closest thing possible to baby pants for a 48-year-old short, curvy woman, and they come from that most storied of middle-aged-lady brands: Spanx. You may not know this, but the OG shapewear brand makes a variety of actual clothes—nearly all versatile “basics”—that aren’t engineered to squeeze you, just to make you feel secure, or at least that’s how “The Perfect Pant” makes me feel.

These no-zipper pull-on pants come in petite, regular, and tall; the sizes range from XS–3X. They look like they have a pocket on the butt, but it’s fake, which makes everything extra smooth. The fabric is thick but not heavy, and has the perfect amount of resilient stretch; you can wear these “perfect pants” with granny panties or something less modest and no one will know what you’ve chosen.

Right now there are even different colors—black, charcoal, pinstripe, and more. And they come in different “legs”: flare, kick flare, slim straight, and wide, which was my choice.

I ordered black petite wide-leg pants in a size small, and they arrived ready to wear. At $168, they weren’t cheap, but their versatility makes them worth it. I have now taken my grown-up baby pants to parties and to work meetings; I have pulled them on to run to the bodega on the corner. I can toss them in the washing machine, although I always hang them to dry. They even inspired me to buy Spanx’s “perfect jumpsuit,” which is fancy enough for a wedding, and comfy enough for a big Italian dinner.

And now, I’m going to go order them in pinstripe. I won’t make the same mistake twice; I definitely need a backup pair of baby pants. Even Slate says so.