People Who Forgave Cheaters Are Revealing How Things Worked Out In The End, And It's Actually Very Eye-Opening
Cheating is terrible — and yet it seems to be more pervasive than ever in our everyday lives and the pop culture we consume.
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If you're up-to-date on The Kardashians, you might know that the latest episode ended on a shocking note when Khloé discovered that her boyfriend Tristan Thompson had admitted to cheating on her again, this time with a woman who was now fathering his child.
Reddit user u/Azur_3 recently asked, "To people who took back their cheating partners, how did things go?" Here are some of the responses.
1."He kept cheating until I told him that he was allowed to sleep with her, and she turned into his girlfriend while I was still in the 'wife' role. Then, it went further and he asked if she could move in with us. He spent all of his free time with her. I finally was able to leave him, and he moved in with her and got married. I found his Reddit profile recently, and he posted looking for advice on his situation. It turns out his new wife has a boyfriend on the side; she loves that guy more and wants him to move into their house. Karma truly stepped up there."
2."[This happened] twice. They were two different men, two completely different backgrounds, but they both did the same thing: They refused any type of accountability. Cheaters will either make themselves the victim or hit you with the 'Let’s just put this behind us' bullshit. Then they cheat again."
3."He regretted it hugely, I gave him a tough time for a while, then decided to forgive and forget. Now, things are going well. Ten years later, we are great. Obviously, I still have the moral high ground, which is nice, but the cheating never gets referred to. It was a long time ago and is entirely canceled out by the many amazing things he's done for me and my grown-up children."
4."I gradually lost all attraction to them. I couldn’t be intimate with them any longer because my body just didn’t desire them anymore. I felt so emotionally and physically disconnected. I tried to make it work for an entire year after taking them back. It felt SO good to finally walk away."
5."They cheated again — what a shocker! We're now divorced."
6."Terrible. I was CONSTANTLY worrying about what he was doing, and who he was talking to. He cheated again; I mean, why wouldn’t he, considering I did practically nothing to inconvenience him when he did it the first time? It was constant anxiety and hatred toward him."
"It continued; I knew and lost all attraction. My sex drive was at -10. I actually wanted to throw up when he touched me. I felt horrible about myself. Never again."
7."The paranoia eats you up. It felt like I couldn’t even enjoy my life without this lingering fear that he was cheating on me again. At the time, he painted me as being a clingy, annoying bitch, and I hated myself so much. I would panic if he didn’t answer my calls. I would wonder about the people he hung out with. I was never at ease and never happy. After it ended, I learned not to hate myself for this because this was a self-preserving instinct that had formed because the shock of being cheated on the first time was so horrible, so humiliating, and so painful that my body was trained to never let that happen to me again. I was paranoid because he made me that way. Also, he cheated again, right away."
8."My husband was recently caught sexting a girl he met online. Although I know this isn't technically physically cheating, it's still cheating in my book. If I didn't have a 1-year-old baby with him and wasn't pregnant with baby number two, I would've left him after finding out about it. It's been two months since he was caught, and I have a hard time getting intimate with him or giving him affection because all I can think about is what he did. I'm not sure what our future holds or if he will be faithful from here on out, but I'm not having a good time anymore. It's really hard to cope with."
9."In my case, the cheating happened at the very beginning of our dating, around three months in. I think that’s a big reason why the betrayal was easier to take. Also, it was with my partner's ex-financé. It would’ve been a completely different story if it had happened now, where we’ve been together eight years, or if it was with someone random. When my partner first confessed, it took around three months on and off finally for us to decide to be all in again. But the pain and healing took much longer — probably a year to feel like I can relax and completely trust again. The pain went away a couple more years after. Honestly, it wasn’t easy, but I was in a circumstance in life where I really needed someone by my side, and my partner was there. I don’t know if I was in a different circumstance in life that I would’ve been so keen on making it work. But I’m glad it did."
10."I think when they confess to it, it honestly may make a difference! Finding out from someone else or on your own is the worst. In every relationship where I was cheated on, I found out on my own or someone else told me. My partner never confessed to it, which made me feel like there was probably more I didn’t know about. Because of the cheating, plus the lying/hiding it, I couldn’t look past it."
11."He went to therapy. We did couples therapy, and we moved on. It wasn't a really big deal."
12."It was a huge wake-up call to us both that our marriage had begun a gradual slide to divorce years before. We worked on fixing ourselves, and we had an agreement that if things weren't better, we would divorce as friends. The first six months were rough, and then things just started coming together again. We still have some lingering security issues (not about cheating but wanting to stay married), but the big difference is that we talk about them now. We've had a rough year so far due to outside factors, and the stress has had a negative effect on our marriage. My husband suggested we go to counseling so this doesn't get to the point where we're headed to divorce again. All in all, we're best friends and enjoy spending time together."
13."He cheated on me six months after we got engaged. It was just once, and he isn’t even the one who told me. The Other Woman told me two months after it happened. I forgave him and still married him six months later. Fast-forward three years, and he asked me for a divorce on Christmas Eve 2021. This didn’t relate to the cheating at all, but for a long while I was stuck on the fact that I forgave him and gave him another chance when he full-on cheated on me, but he couldn’t give me another chance. He asked for the divorce because I really just wasn’t there for him emotionally as I should have been as a wife, but he couldn’t give me another chance. He and I are both better off without each other, but it’s been incredibly tough knowing that I was more loyal to him than he ever was to me. I have a tattoo now that says 'to a fault' referring to how I’m loyal to a fault. It’s a reminder that I’m sure I’ll need in future relationships."
14."I caught him cheating while we were on a trip to Europe and felt like absolute shit. He begged for forgiveness, and I did forgive him. I realized months later that he was sexting and sleeping with multiple married women. He was paranoid and upset with me for looking at his phone and finding out. I was extremely anxious the entire time we were together after he cheated. He went on to tell me that I was cheating with my guy friend just because he and I talked on the phone and my boyfriend was jealous. After months of this, I dumped him. He told most of my friends and family that I did him wrong and I was going crazy. He tried to get back together with me, and when I said no, he got married to some girl about six months later. I am so happy I moved on. He sent me his wedding card with the line 'You lost me; I know you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.' It was hilarious."
15."I’m in the minority that it was a crisis point in our relationship that led to us becoming closer, better at communicating, and more connected. We both had an option to take an exit ramp and knew on a gut level that our relationship was worth fighting for. It’s been five years. He shows me every day that he loves me. We’re both in therapy and growing a lot."
16."After my first boyfriend cheated, I took him back and tried to make it work for another year. I was young. I thought it was a mistake and that people can change. I still think people can change, but I don’t think there are many people who can come back from cheating. Even if they did change after, for me, it doesn’t repair the damage already done. I was anxious and worried about why he was out late, who he was with, why he took so long to answer my texts, and who he was following on social media. It’s so toxic, and it put me through mental anguish. He continued to cheat but was more secretive. I ended up leaving him after a year and never looked back. The next relationship I was in and found out that he cheated, I didn’t stay. I quite literally packed my bags and left. No note or anything. He messaged me asking where I was, and I sent him my last month's rent, told him I’d be by to pick up my stuff when he went on his trip, and I’d leave the keys in the mailbox."
"He kept trying to get back together, and I ended up blocking his number. He was a best friend before he was my boyfriend and was there for me through my previous shitty relationship. So, it felt like the ultimate betrayal for him to not only disrespect our relationship but our 10-year friendship.
If you’re unhappy with your partner, talk to them and leave if you can’t work it out. If you want an open relationship, talk to them, and if they don’t, then leave. Cheating does not need to happen, and it’s super disrespectful. I think there are people who make genuine mistakes and feel remorse for it, but in my experience, that doesn’t matter. The damage is done. It takes a lot of work (by both parties) to come back from that. I personally don’t have the mental capacity to work with someone that couldn’t communicate with me in the first place.
Being cheated on damaged my emotional well-being and self-esteem. It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to be able to trust someone again. For some people, it isn’t a big deal, but to me, it was earth-shattering because I truly loved those people."
17."He cheated on me again with the same girl. I forgave him again. He stopped trusting me after I made friends with a good-looking guy, and I dumped him. Guess who he started dating like two seconds after we broke up? She didn't even know about me until four years later."
18."I was incredibly paranoid after that. He didn’t come clean immediately and tried to gaslight me. I don’t think he cheated again, but I couldn’t trust him, and we parted ways months later. A few weeks after he moved out, I saw him with the person he swore was 'out of his life forever.'"
19."He cheated on me, so I got back together with him and cheated on him. Simple. I didn’t care about him at that point. I only wanted to get even. Call me a horrible person, but I don’t care."
20."I stayed in the marriage for a year because he asked me to for the sake of our kids, but I was miserable for that year. Everyone was happy but me. I couldn’t get over the fact that he cheated on me with multiple women, and as much as I tried I couldn’t trust him. You can’t fix what is broken, so I finally asked for a divorce."
21."I took him back, and he did it again a few months later, in an even more public and embarrassing way. We broke up for real after the second time, and I got occasional texts from him about how he was so sorry and wanted another try for years, including times when he was in serious relationships with other women. Bullet dodged."
22."In the beginning, it was VERY hard. He has always regretted what happened (emotional cheating) and shows me that every day. We sat down, and I asked him every question I ever wanted to ask about the situation, and he answered me honestly. When I've set boundaries for things, he doesn't cross them even if he might not entirely understand. We are more honest and open with each other now about everything, and I trust more than I ever have."
23."I never trusted him again, ended up obsessing over every single woman in his life (even those he passed on the street). Finally, I had enough, we both did, and we decided to split."
24."I took him back, and we moved in together soon after. It became difficult for me to be intimate with him because of what had happened, and so he started accusing me of cheating. He was so convinced that he ended up breaking up with me. I definitely regret wasting my time there."
25."I didn’t take him back, but I considered it. He and I talked about wanting to make it work, and I was very back and forth about it all. He said he’d do anything to get me back, that he didn’t want anyone else, and he wasn’t talking with anyone else. My friend then found him on dating apps. He saved me from a lifetime of unhappiness. Once a cheater, always a cheater."
26."I took him back, and he continued cheating with her, so I asked him to leave. They were together a month or two before she cheated on him and left him for the guy she was cheating with. Of course, he tried to come back, but I was done by that point."
27."We put it past us. Next month his mate told me he had three girlfriends on the side. I went to the doctor, and it turned out that he had given me chlamydia and an infection in my vagina. We broke up that day."
28."We’re married now and have the healthiest relationship ever! I know this isn’t a common story, and I wouldn’t recommend doing things the way I did. It only worked because he actually took accountability for the hurtful things he did during a difficult time in his life. He ditched the friends giving him terrible advice and took steps to clean himself up while we were separated. By chance, when we got back together, it was just before I went abroad for four months. He called me every day and having to actually talk instead of just hanging out together in person forced us to address a lot of stuff. Now we have a really healthy communication style and haven’t had issues since."
29."We got married, and now we’re getting divorced."
30."We are working through it, and it's getting better. We've been married five years, and he regrets it so much. He admits how much of a coward he was and has actively made consistent and actionable changes. We are also in therapy, and we are both active in participating both in and out of the office. Now there's a lot more listening and patience during our conversations on both parts, especially compared to before the affair and immediately after the discovery. We understand that one conversation can last for days, weeks, months, etc. And that can be OK; stuff takes time. He recognizes, validates, and makes changes according to my triggers in regards to my betrayal trauma, and he listens every single time I get triggered or start to ruminate. He is present, he is kind, and he doesn't run away from the hard parts."
"Through this healing that we're engaged in, we have learned more about ourselves, our childhoods, and just how much we had become our parents without intending or desiring to do so. And through that discovery, we have begun to grow in ways I never could've imagined before. It's curated so much more empathy and compassion between us because we are really getting to the core of so many of our issues, both personal and marital.
It's work, it's effort, it's scary, and it's really fucking hard at times, but the hard times are becoming less and less frequent, and the difficulty is easing. It's not that time heals — intentional effort within yourself heals. I had to choose my healing on my own terms and so did my husband, and once we did, we became friends in a whole new way. He takes accountability for what he did, his actions have made noticeable and consistent changes, and he is trying really hard to show me his remorse while working toward reconciliation. Also, I'm trying to create a space for him to feel safe and vulnerable without judgment."
31."I never looked at him the same. I saw him as someone that was weak and selfish. I wasn’t attracted to him and couldn’t even stand the sight of him sometimes. I wasn’t willing to put the effort into fixing something I didn’t destroy. I left about two years later."
32."Embarrassed, terrible to say the least. My ex was the boy who cried wolf. He said that his past three girlfriends treated him like garbage and ultimately cheated on him. I had a feeling that he cheated on me with his coworker when he was invited to a party. He refused to let me go and came back at 3 a.m. We had an argument about it, but I still came crawling back because I had a fear of being alone. So, I tortured myself. A few weeks pass by, and my mom said that on her way driving home, she passed by the neighborhood he lived. She saw him with the coworker, walking together, laughing and holding hands. I dumped him on his birthday in front of everyone. His sister even basically agreed that he's an ass. One of my cousins said she knew the coworker. She told my mom that they ended up together, but that the girl told my cousin he was awful and that I cheated on him/was the awful one. So, there's that."
33."They got smarter in the ways of hiding other women. Just like I was warned, 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' became so true. Accountability was never taken, and everything just seemed like a total lie. It was hard to move on from something that acted like a melted piece of gum stuck in the back of my brain. The moment he came out and blamed me for his infidelity, I packed my bags and moved to another city, where I met my now-husband, who is the most loyal and opposite person to that cheating scumbag. Advice to anyone going back: Run and don’t look back. There’s someone 100,000 times better that won’t even think once about putting you through that hurt."
34."I’ve recently taken back a cheating partner. He does everything to reassure me that it’s his biggest regret and he's never felt so scared to lose me and his son. It's always in the back of your mind though."
35."It went OK. I made the decision to forgive him, and I had to do a lot of work not to bring my anger and resentment forward. We wound up in a very healthy and happy place together. We did break up a few years later, but overall I’m glad that we worked through it together. It taught me a lot about myself more than anything."
36."He cheated again, of course, and stole money from me to pay for his mistress's living expenses. Lesson learned."
37.I found out about the affair, and told him I would forgive him if he ended it, truly wanted our marriage, and he fessed up to anything else he had done. I was genuinely going to forgive him and move forward. He said that he wanted the marriage and there was nothing else that he needed to tell me. I ended up finding out about more cheating over almost a decade of our relationship. I ended things. He’s now with his affair partner. My trust is completely broken in romantic relationships now. I’m with a guy who seems to treat me really well, but I’ll never be able to trust him completely and definitely have major walls up. I actually don’t even want to put my trust into someone like that again."
38."He cheated when we were in a bad spot in our relationship. We worked really hard, and our relationship was better than ever. We even got engaged and started planning a wedding. I had never been happier, and then he cheated again. If you’re looking for advice, save yourself the time and heartache and leave after the first time."
