"I Immediately Dropped Her From My Life": People Are Revealing Why They Ghosted A Long-Time Friend, And Their Reasons Are Valid AF
A bit ago, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share why they ghosted one of their close friends. And so many readers seemed to have experienced similar situations.
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Hundreds of people also decided to share their own reasons why they felt like they had to ghost their friend after trying to make things work — so we rounded up some of their stories below. If you have one to share, leave it in the comments.
1."I stopped seeing a close friend because, as the pandemic started, this person suggested that my husband should do her grocery shopping. She decided this because I told her he was going to the store for us once a week. She was actually dictating a shopping list to me as I was telling her no. Her rationale was that, since he was taking the risk for me, he could take the same risk for her, too. I suggested they use a grocery sidewalk pick-up or delivery service. Her response was that those services were too expensive. They own their own home, own shares of a private plane, and travel extensively."
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2."I ghosted a mom friend group after finding out the three of them went on a weekend trip together (even after we all talked about it). After their trip, they all texted me separately to see if I wanted to meet up for dinner. So I texted them all in our group chat and told them very calmly that I was hurt that I found out about their trip on social media and just needed a bit of space. One of the girls verbally attacked me and said it was my fault. Another said, 'I'm sorry you feel that way,' and the third never responded. I blocked all of them and never looked back. It's been three months, and I haven't felt bad once."
3."I had a best friend for five years. I personally suffer from mental illness, so having someone close meant so much to me. I guess I thought we were closer than we were. I had to go to rehab, and while I was there, my husband had cheated on me. He felt guilty and just told me while I was in there: It was with my best friend's best friend. So I emailed my best friend and told her that I knew what happened and that since she knew about it, I wasn't going to speak to her ever again. Two years later, I get with my now-partner, and he tells me that my best friend had slept with my husband as well, because she bragged about it. It was a threesome with my husband, my best friend, and her best friend."
"The worst thing is that no one told me, and everyone knew: his sister, his mom, his aunt, his two best friends who claimed to be my friends as well. She ended up pregnant. It wasn't his, but it still hurt. I haven't spoken a word to her since. Divorced him. I'm doing great now."
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4."I was outed by a co-worker to my family on social media. I deleted the evidence and removed the co-worker, but was terrified. My family, other than my parents (who have known since I was 15), is extremely homophobic. I never asked anything of my friend, but would take calls from her at 2 a.m., fixing her relationship with someone I didn’t even know. This time, though, I asked for her support. She didn’t respond for two days, then said, 'lol didn’t see this' and moved on. She proceeded to tell all of our friends I was using her as my therapist and didn’t respect her boundaries. None of our friends believed her, thankfully, as I’d already made it clear exactly what was happening.
"I ghosted her, but she and I work together still. She’s recently taken to trying to friend me on social media and sending me tweets. I’m polite, but never warm. If you can’t be there for me when I’m in an incredibly distressing situation, you can’t be there for me at all."
5."I still remember the last sentence my ex-BFF from childhood said to me during her wedding. It was a response to lunch plans after trying to make up with her after she went full bitch over me not wanting to lose a shift at my second job (that paid my car payment!) to drive to (and pay for!) a cabin three hours away, just so it could be 'special' when she announced being pregnant. Months after, I went to her house to talk and try to patch things up. We said we'd have lunch later that week. I called her to make plans, and she said, 'Oh, I was hoping you'd forget.' So I fucking did. Looking back, I wish I'd done it sooner."
6."In my early-20s, I had a close friend who I'd met through a mutual friend in high school. We very briefly had a romantic thing that turned into a platonic friendship. Years later, he impregnated his girlfriend, and they had a beautiful daughter together while living in her parents' basement. After the baby was born, he would constantly start and quit jobs while his girlfriend stayed home in the basement with the baby. They both wanted to get out of there, but he couldn't seem to take any job seriously. This made me side-eye him a little, and honestly, I did lose some respect for him over that. However, it wasn't until months later, when he started trying to flirt with me again that I became super uncomfortable and ghosted him completely.
"Last I knew, which was about two years ago, they had a second kid and were still living in her parents' house."
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7."I had a best friend all through high school with whom I was super close. Then we went to different colleges and saw each other less, but whenever we did see each other, she was only interested in talking about herself. And whenever I mentioned something about myself, she'd change the subject. I was still sort of okay with it. When she lost a family member, I went to her home and made sure to text her a lot and offer a shoulder to lean on or a distraction whenever she preferred that. When I lost a family member later on and told her how it affected me, she didn't say a word. Not even a freaking, 'I'm sorry for your loss.' She just stared at me a few seconds before talking about something else. I don't need someone like that in my life."
8."It was us and our kids at her parents' beach house. I was super excited about it until we got there, and I realized I was basically her free babysitter and cook and cleaning person while she popped Ativan and downed whole glasses of rum. I ended the vacation a day early and took my kids to another beach. We never spoke again."
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9."I had a friend for 20 years. I went through a really bad divorce, lost my job, and moved three hours away to live with her and her family. I started heavily drinking and not taking care of myself. I started dating a man who she did not like. She kicked me out of her house and told me to never speak to her again. Fast forward eight months: I have left the guy I was seeing and met the absolute best man ever. We met and married quickly. Then my mother dies unexpectedly. Out of the woodwork, here she comes trying to be my hero. At first I was grateful to have her back, but after talking with her, I found out that she had told my ex-husband that I was trying to sleep with her husband while I was there and was not taking care of my children.
"She also said that I was dating a child molester and convinced him to file for full custody of our kids. Now, because I was living in a different state, my ex was granted full custody as to not mess up their lifestyle. When I found all that out, I completely cut ties with her."
10."My fiancé, who was stationed overseas, broke up with me out of the blue in a text message, a few months before our wedding. In hindsight, it was the best thing to ever happen to me, but at the time, I was completely broken. My best friend at the time, who was also a bridesmaid, never reached out to me to see if I was okay. Instead, she started rumors with mutual friends that I was already on dating apps, that I never really loved him, and that I was really the reason it ended. I will never ever understand why she did that, but I immediately dropped her from my life and blocked her on all social media platforms. I am so much happier now, in the best relationship of my life, and with new friends who truly care for me and I know will always support me."
11."We’d known each other for eight years. She always had this mean air to her, like she didn’t care for us (my friend group). One day, we were helping plan our friend’s birthday party, and she keeps naming things she wanted to do. When I told her it wasn’t her birthday and she needs to chill out, she threw a laptop at my face. Immediately: no. Since then, she’s been around, and I’ve been cordial, but we aren’t friends — and probably never will be again."
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12."My best friend was more excited about the fact that I got my hair dyed than the fact that I was finally traveling to the country of my dreams. She knew how much it meant to me, yet she reacted so underwhelmingly. The last straw was when I was getting married, and I asked her if she could come to stay with me (she lived in another city), and she said that the last time she visited, she didn’t have fun, so there isn’t really any reason now why she should come. I said the reason was my marriage. She said she’d try, and that she can’t make any promises she can’t keep."
13."I used to be in a role-playing group, like Dungeons and Dragons, and we’d been meeting every fortnight for over 35 years. I usually ran the games, but due to some mental health problems, I wanted to be a player for a while, so I asked if someone else could take over. Three other members had experience in running the games, so I thought it wouldn’t be an issue. But they all suddenly had other things going on. I was removed from the group chat, and I found out later that comments were made about me like, 'He always says it’s mental health related when he doesn’t want to do things,' and 'He's just lazy, so he fakes having a problem.'
"Anyway, cutting them out of my life has definitely improved my mental health. It was the best thing I ever did."
14."I ghosted a friend of 15 years after she — quite literally — stole my boyfriend. We hadn't been dating long, and I took him to a party at her house. They started hanging out, and he ghosted me. Neither of them told me, and while I cried to her about it, she was secretly dating him. She finally told me months later that they were together. Honestly, I didn't care that they were dating, but what hurt was the betrayal and lies. What kind of friend secretly dates your new boyfriend and lets you believe he ghosted?"
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15."A girl I was barely friends with in college once made plans to hang out. She canceled said plans an hour before and THEN posted pictures of her doing what we were originally supposed to do with someone else. I was so shocked that she was that stupid, but honestly, I didn't care. A week later, she reached out to hang out again. I tentatively agreed, curious what she would do. She did the EXACT same thing down to the cancelation text and post of Facebook with the other friend. I laughed my ass off and never responded to her texts again."
16."I recently ghosted someone who had been my best friend for 17 years. It started to go wrong in high school, when we became a trio with another friend. I started to feel left out and like my best friend clearly preferred the other friend. After high school, it became worse. For a few years, I kept trying to express my feelings to her. I told her I felt left out, that it saddened me when they did stuff together that I had expressed wanting to do, and that I wished she talked to me more. Her answer always was to diminish my feelings, to tell me how I felt was 'whatever,' and that I was exaggerating.
"I realized I needed to cut ties when a new university friend in my new trio told us she felt left out, and I wanted to cry because I didn't want her to feel like that.
That's when I realized my 'best friend' simply didn't care about me if she couldn't find it in herself to be saddened by how I was feeling. So I stopped talking to her. I put more effort in my university friends, and I'm glad I did. I've never felt more loved in a friendship before."
17."I ghosted a friend after a period of wondering if it is was worth my mental health to stick around. They ended up getting really angry and manipulative with me because I didn’t drop everything and skip a class to help them carry groceries into their house. Not being under the weight of their manipulation and toxicity has done wonders for me."
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18."Freshman year, I made friends with a girl; we’ll call her Sadie. Sadie and I became the closest of friends, but her mother was pretty strict, so Sadie liked to rebel. Every time she got in trouble, she blamed it on me. I brushed it off. We were still close during college, and I constantly went to visit her and became friends with her college friends. Around junior year of college, a guy that we both knew from high school (whom I had a major crush on) came with me to visit Sadie one weekend. He and I were flirting all night, but due to my nerves, I got a little too drunk. I woke up in the morning; me and the guy drove home and had breakfast, and then Sadie proceeded to tell me that while I was passed out, they hooked up. She apologized profusely, so again, I let it go.
"The final straw was when I put up a picture of us and another friend sitting on my roof watching 4th of July fireworks while drinking wine coolers on social media. We were all over 21, but her mother didn’t approve. She berated me (over text, like a coward) saying how I was not at her level, that she was working to pay for school (which was a flat-out lie), she’s actually doing something with her life, and that I always force her to do things that get her in trouble (again, lie, and I had several drunk voicemails from her to prove it, while I was at home).
I told her not to talk to me until she was ready to be civil, so we haven’t spoken since."
19."My best friend for over 10 years decided to basically have nothing to do with me after starting a new school and making new friends, even though we lived on the same road. I was the one always having to put the effort in. Eventually, I told her how I was feeling, and she had a massive go at me for feeling that way. She said I was making it up and she did see me enough. After going round and round in circles in the argument, I just gave up. I couldn't see the point in trying to convince her and had lots of other good friends I would hang out with.
"Her family is still friends with my family, and whenever she sees my mom, she still tells my mom that she misses me and wishes we could hang out. And it was only recently I realized if she wanted to, she could contact me, she could get my phone number or email from my mom — but as per usual, she can't be asked or doesn't care enough to."
20."She told me that I wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid but wanted me to plan her bachelorette party because I would 'plan a really fun one!!' 10+ years of answering her drunk/high phone calls over boy problems and general depression issues. And this is how she felt appropriate for her gratitude. I didn’t even know she was dating someone until I woke up with a drunk voicemail saying she was engaged and was getting married in four months (and literally had the whole event planned and ready as if it was the next weekend). She had told her exes before she told me that she was engaged.
"I never felt more used and betrayed. She eventually got a pandemic divorce, and I never felt more relieved that I didn’t have to deal with her emotional rollercoaster anymore."
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21."I had a best friend since our senior year in high school. This guy definitely had his personality issues: He tried to cover up his massive insecurities by being abrasive and arrogant, but for some reason, he and I got along well. After about 35 years of a close-as-brothers friendship, things started to change. To make himself feel better, he put me down, sometimes in front of others and made me the butt of his jokes. I also suddenly became his back-up plan so he wouldn’t have to eat the cost of a ticket to a sporting event and would flake out on me if the person he would rather go with was able to make it.
"At first I tried to rationalize his behavior away because of our long and close friendship. But there was a final straw event where he flaked out on me again, which caused me to have an epiphany about the current state of our friendship and decided I’d had enough.
While I didn’t ghost him, I seriously backed away emotionally, declined his invitations to get together and stopped initiating contact. On the few occasions we have talked on the phone, I have kept my emotional distance and the conversations have been brief.
It was hard to do this with a friendship of almost 40 years, but I have no regrets, and I feel better because I am no longer hurt by his callous behavior."
22."I started dating this guy and got pregnant pretty early on. We decided to keep the baby and do our best to make things work even though we were young. My best friend was supportive and excited but slowly started saying stuff to others about me that were untrue and hurtful. My mom planned a big shower for me, and I was so excited to have my friends there to meet family and celebrate this happy time. She was supposed to pick everyone up (it was in my hometown two hours away), but another friend called to say she never showed up.
"I called her but no answer. I later got a text saying she was sick, but later found out she was out the night before and got really drunk. So I deleted her number, unfriended her, and slowly moved on.
It was painful, but I now know some friendships only serve you for so long, then you both mature and move on."
23."I ghosted a friend after realizing she only ever texted me when she wanted something. She'd reach out about once a year to ask me to do Photoshop work for her. Then she asked me if my mother could make her wedding dress. That's how she told me she was engaged — she asked for a free dress. So I blocked her and never looked back."
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24."I got engaged July 2018 and immediately asked my best friend to be a bridesmaid. I made it very clear that I expected nothing and that she could decline without hurting my feelings. She said yes, spent MONTHS helping me plan, and told me repeatedly about her excitement. She voted on bridesmaid dress styles and even told me what shoes she’d wear. March 2019 rolls around, and she kept making excuses as to why she hasn’t purchased her dress. No biggie — the wedding was six months out! In July 2019, she tells me that she might not be able to make it because her principal scheduled her for a training she claimed was immovable.
"My husband’s a teacher and told me those trainings happen ALL the time and can easily be made up. I was so hurt by her lies and finally told her to not come. She accused me of overreacting, but I know my reaction was normal.
I reminded my bridesmaids repeatedly that I’d cover any financial costs that they couldn’t, but she was never honest, and that’s what bothered me.
I was able to ask another friend to step in, and she ended up paying $100 extra for her dress so it would come in on time. Had my friend been honest from the start, we might still be best friends today."
25."After my childhood BFF and I graduated and finished serving in the military, he settled in Arizona, and I found my way to Colorado. Over a couple of years, I visited him several times. He never once came to Colorado. He talked me into moving in with him to help with bills, and I could train at a corporation. After a couple of months, he threw me out so his girlfriend could move in. I ended up living in my truck for a bit, and I did not speak to him for 25 years.
"I was in Arizona visiting other friends for a week. I called him every day trying to meet up and hang. Every day, he had an excuse. He always treated me like I should feel blessed he was my friend. Some people never change. He has really never made an effort unless he needed something. Done, gone, finished, out!"
26."I ghosted a 'friend' because while I was pregnant, I was told she was going to sleep with my husband and even made a bet with her sister about it. I didn't really think much about it 'til months later, when my husband told me the so-called friend tried to get him to have sex with her. My husband turned her down, and I ghosted her. She tried to call me a few years ago and asked me if I had told people that she was trying to sleep with my husband. I said no but I heard you had a bet about it. She just said, 'Whatever,' which didn't really sound like a denial to me."
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