People Are Calling Out The Rudest Things Wedding Guests Do, And Yikes, Please Tell Me You're Not Doing Any Of This
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us wedding etiquette rules guests often ignore — but really shouldn't. Here are the eye-opening results:
1."Trying to 'outshine' the couple. This counts for what you wear, how you act, surprise engagements, etc. It’s not your day. You have 365 days in a year. You can sacrifice this one day for them."
"Never announce a pregnancy or propose to your significant other at a wedding. It's rude AF to hijack someone else's special day."
2."Stealing the photographer! At my 20-person COVID wedding, my now sister-in-law asked the photographer to take her family photos — just her immediate family, not even with the groom, her brother. The photographer was the biggest expense of our wedding, and it felt like we were being taken advantage of."
"I didn’t want to be called a bridezilla, but now I wish I had said something."
3."Getting so drunk that you can't function. Having fun is one thing, but I've had to babysit family members who became belligerent and caused a scene. I was a member of the wedding party and couldn't leave. It was awful."
"Having way too much to drink. Just because there is booze doesn't mean it's a free-for-all to act like a complete ass and drink like a fish. It seems like a good 75% of the wedding horror stories I've seen could have been prevented if the people didn't get hammered."
"It's an event, an occasion, and people want to let loose. Cool. But don't drink so much that you're throwing up everywhere or leave crying or want to fight Uncle Frank. Tone it back, people."
4."Just overall entitlement. People display it in lots of different ways: 'I HAVE to bring my kids' or 'I can’t wear that,' etc. And it comes from a variety of people (i.e. random friends can be way more frustrating than family members)."
"For example, one of my husband’s groomsmen and their wife said they would only come if they could break the no-child rule. They were unwilling to consider any other options. While their kids didn’t cause a disruption, it was really upsetting that close members of the family did everything they could to get a sitter or only came to the reception where children were welcome. Even more frustrating was learning that his own mother AND his mother-in-law live 30 minutes from him. He could have easily arranged with one of them for two days. Entitled people."
5."Taking pictures during the ceremony — especially if they explicitly asked for an unplugged ceremony!"
6."Not reading the dang invitations!!! My boyfriend’s sister just got married this year; they had the whole wedding website, plus sent beautiful, very informative invitations — yet people were still texting her days before the wedding asking about times, locations, etc. Just read the invitation!"
7."Not taking care of your children! It still amazes me how many parents don’t do their job. Their kids are running around knocking things, breaking things, etc. and they do NOTHING. At a recent wedding I went to, a kid ruined the father and daughter dance, and the parents still didn’t get up and do anything."
"If you aren’t going to look after your children, then don’t bring them."
8."Weddings are such big days; I say, just leave your kids at home."
"I love my friends' kids — I do! But no! It’s not fair on them, and it’s not fair on the happy couple."
"At our wedding, kids and dogs were invited. We arranged for a babysitter and a pet sitter to spend the day helping keep them corralled and entertained. However, I’d understand completely and respect their wishes if someone didn’t want kids at their wedding. It’s your special day, and if I can’t find a sitter, then I’ll have to miss out, but that’s okay because we’re adults and this is life."
9."Posting photos of the wedding before the bride and groom."
10."Showing up with a plus-one when you weren't given one on your invitation. Our rule was unless you were seriously dating someone, you were not getting a plus-one. We actually had someone pencil in a plus-one on their RSVP."
"I had a friend do this, and the only plus-one was for people that were married. If you were just dating then it was a no-go; the bride and groom didn't want to have wedding photos that would have an ex someone hated and then wouldn't be able to look back and smile at that photo. But the bride's brother brought a woman he was dating for three days — even though he was told he couldn't, and they broke up at the wedding."
"Glad that girl was in all the photos and that the brother also strangled the groom when he said she needed to leave."
11."When guests expect the wedding to cater around their particular tastes and wants. I was getting married in Nebraska, and someone said I 'have' to schedule my wedding around football games."
"I hate football. I hate sports. I'm not scheduling my wedding around an over-glorified game of fetch."
12."If you have kids from a previous marriage, please ask them if they actually want to attend your wedding. My stepmother hated me (my father didn't like me, either). I was 15 when they married, and they didn't even acknowledge me on the day of the wedding; they told me to stay out of the way the day before."
"They just invited me because it was the 'right' thing, and I wish they hadn't."
13."Asking other guests when they're getting married/having a baby/why they are single, etc. That was the comment about our wedding that we were most thrilled about — several guests remarked how refreshing it was not to be grilled or subjected to typical questions like that that!"
14."Coming from a Cuban family, it's rude when guests question the foods and traditions at the wedding. If someone is including their culture in the celebration through part of the ceremony, reception, or food, then don’t loudly remark about how odd it is or how different it is from what you’re used to."
"Should be common sense, but apparently, it isn’t!"
15."Wearing a white dress if the bride is wearing one. It's inappropriate and rude."
"Had to tell my bloody mother-in-law this, because it had completely passed her by. (It wasn’t a deliberate attempt at a snub; she’s genuinely just absolutely clueless!)"
"Chiming in to say no vanilla, cream, or beige either for a wedding!"
16."Not sending a gift or even a card 😑."
17."Not following the dress code is always a pet peeve. Yes, I understand buying clothes specifically for a wedding can be expensive, but if you are invited to a black tie wedding in a fancy hotel ballroom and the nicest thing you have in your closet is a short floral sundress, then you need to find something else to wear."
"Whether that means you rent a dress from somewhere like Rent the Runway, borrow from a friend, or shell out money for a dress, put some effort into your look. It's so disrespectful to show up to an event without any consideration for the location and what is expected of you on the invitation. And also, wearing something that will clearly draw a lot of attention on you is just as bad. Have fun with your look, wear color or a fun pattern, but make sure to stay tasteful."
18."I’ve discovered that some people don’t really know the nuances of a dress code. But how can they, when many never had the opportunity to attend a formal gala or fundraiser events. Many have 'prom' as their point of reference. I knew that I’d be facing this during my wedding, and I wanted it to be black-tie. Even made booklets with examples of what that looks like — yet we had people show up in jeans or summer dresses. But there were a lot of other mishaps as well..."
"We had people show up that I don’t ever remember inviting — we went from 75 guests to 150. Thankfully, there was so much food and liquor, but the guests also ended up packing a lot of it to go. My husband and I didn’t get a chance to eat and were literally so hungry by the end of the night, but there was no more food left at the end.
It was meant to be a wedding with no children, yet I ended up having two flowers girls, a ring bearer, and a whole pre-school of kids I’ve never even heard of. One guest snatched a few flowers off my bouquet and gave it to her daughter. Some older guests were very unhappy about the music, and one lady, threw a fit about us going to take a few portraits. But the best part of it all: By the end of the night, my husband crashed a U-Haul into my best friend's truck, and I threw my ring across the giant venue.
We are now getting a divorce. I think weddings, especially the preparation part, can tell whether the couple will survive. My husband nor his family helped, and most guests were either his friends or family. And I am not talking about paying for stuff — I did it all by myself. A sh*t show."
19."Not allowing the couple to enjoy time together. Yes, it’s important for the couple to greet their guests, but the couple shouldn’t be separated the whole night."
20."Showing up late to the ceremony. I had people creeping in just before and after I walked down the aisle; they were caught on video. You had plenty of notice of the ceremony time — show up early, please."
21."Being judgmental of the wedding itself. Critiquing the bride's dress, complaining about the food, or otherwise judging any details of the wedding with guests is rude as hell and sucks so much energy out of everyone. In fact, keep compliments very superficial such as, 'The food is delicious' — don't try to get into details. If the band sucked or if you didn't love the color of the flowers, you can maybe talk about it after you leave, but stay positive and respectful during the wedding, and don't complain to the couple either during or afterwards."
"Also, do NOT report any issues you may see (such as broken glass or a problematic guest) to the couple or their family — tell somebody who is working at the wedding. Even if they can't help with the specific problem, they will definitely be able to get someone who will be able to handle it. If you bring up problems to the couple, they will become very stressed out, as they have a lot of things to do and are feeling intense emotions."
22."Just chatting amongst themselves during the ceremony, like they’re at a supermarket and not a sacred function. Coming and going as they please, being on their phone, looking everywhere but the altar."
And finally...
23."Showing up to the wedding without giving notice ahead of time. I had guests who apologized and waited to explain they couldn’t make it until AFTER the wedding. It really messed up the number of meals and the seating charts with some tables only having one or two guests."
"Please be considerate and cancel before the wedding!"
"I do 100% agree that it is super rude to RSVP and then just not show up, whatever size of the affair. We had a small wedding, but the meals and rental items add up! Just be courteous and let me know ASAP if you can’t make it."
What are some other wedding etiquette rules you think guests should ALWAYS follow? Let us know in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
