22 People Share The Moment They Realized They Were The "Poor" Friend Or The "Rich" Friend

Whether you grew up rich, poor, or somewhere in between, there were probably moments when you recognized that you had a lot less, or a lot more, privilege than your friends around you.

For me, my financial status kinda smacked me in the face when I realized that if I wanted to go to college, I'd have to take out the cost of my entire education in loans. While my friends graduated debt-free, I juggled two jobs and still wound up with thousands in student debt.

So I asked the Buzzfeed Community to tell me if they ever had a moment of realization that they were the "poor" or "rich" friend, and their responses were waaaay too real. For those who identified as the "poor" friend, here's what they had to say:

1."I knew that my family and I didn't have as much when a friend from school went with me to pick up groceries, and my mom reminded me to take the glass soda bottles back to return for a refund. My friend could not understand why we would bother and also did not understand coupons."

2."I realized I was the poor friend when all my college buddies were eating three good meals a day and had money for snacks, gas, movies, etc., while I could only manage one crappy meal a day IF I budgeted my money well."

—Anonymous

3."When I was in my first year at Georgetown on a combination of scholarships, work study, and loans, and my roommate said, 'Daddy thinks this is a real bargain, it's so much cheaper than boarding schools!'"

4."I was the 'poor' friend. She got all the latest toys for Christmas, and I got things I needed. She got a Cabbage Patch Doll; I got gloves. She got a Merlin robot and I got an alarm clock. She received a whole outfit in one box. I had sweatpants in one box, the matching sweatshirt in another box, and matching socks in a third box."

—bootsmom

5."When I went into the Navy, everyone complained about the food, but I was happy to get three meals a day."

6."In college, poverty affected my whole life: textbooks, groceries, activities. I couldn’t go to all the movies, trips, or Sephora runs, buy the new Starbucks drink, or join the gym. Or even my tab at a bar: 'Sorry, I’m not alternating rounds because I have a budget, and your drinks are twice as expensive as mine.' I had a ‘friend’ joke that if she couldn’t find me while we were shopping, she'd look in the clearance section. I never felt shame for my financial situation, or that my family couldn’t help pay for my expenses, but that did sting."

7."I never got invited to a birthday party because all the kids knew I wouldn't be able to give them an expensive, cool gift."

—sperkeles

8."I walked home from school with some friends in the snow. I didn’t give much thought to what we were all wearing, but I was wearing a few jumpers and a scarf and was warm enough, if not very dry. The next day, a friend turned up with a coat for me. I realized I probably should have been wearing a coat in that weather but couldn’t afford one, and my friend had enough to just give me one, for free."

9."Most of my friends are attorneys, and one of them asked me if I was maxing out my 401(k) every year. I didn’t even know you could max it out. I contributed just 1% because I lived paycheck to paycheck at the time, and even that was a stretch. But then again, these are the same people who were shocked to find out broke people don’t go to the doctor or dentist regularly, because even copays can break the bank some months. Never mind if the doctors find something that needs fixing and isn’t covered by insurance…"

—Anonymous

10."When I realized I had never lived in a house that had a foyer."

11."A 'friend' slept over at my house, and we were having cereal for breakfast. My 'friend' said, 'Ummm, what are Fruit Rounds?' I told her it was Froot Loops, just the off-brand version. She gave me a look and informed me that in her house, they only buy name brands. I told her to go home, then 🤷🏻‍♀️. Before that, I never gave much thought about how we only had off-brand versions of everything, or that some households had enough money to afford name-brand."

12."My friends once told me that my siblings and I were the candidates for their holiday charity fundraisers, and they wholeheartedly meant it. My friends wanted to get our elementary school to donate money to my siblings and me for new clothes, toys, and a holiday meal. After that, it kind of clicked that everyone around me seemingly had the LUXURY of having material goods that didn’t include anything used."

13."In high school, I was getting Christmas gifts for a few close friends. For one of the girls, I bought some cute nail polish from the drugstore in her favorite color and some other small gift I can't remember. When we exchanged gifts, she opened hers first and she gave me mine...which was a Coach wallet. I remember my heart dropping, thinking I could never afford that kind of gift for my friends. I was so disheartened."

—Anonymous

14."When I walked into my best friend's house, she had a huge indoor koi pond and bridge walkway in the entrance. She also had a full tennis court in her backyard. In case it's not obvious which friend I was, I gasped and clutched my pearl necklace when she had a sleepover at my house. My dad took us to get McDonald's for dinner...and she didn't order off the dollar menu. She ordered a HAPPY MEAL. The horror I felt in that moment. I still remember it 20 years later. So yeah, I was the poor one. 😂"

15."Hearing a friend in college say that they couldn't afford something and another friend say, 'Just get your parents to send you more money.' I was shocked at that attitude."

—Anonymous

16."I was in 10th grade, and one of my teammates invited me to a Boston Bruins game. I had never been to an NHL game, so I was excited and said yes. I asked her what I owed for the ticket, and she said not to worry about it. I assumed she was trying to be nice because she knew I didn’t have a lot of money, but my mom would never let me not pay my own way, even if we couldn't really afford the ticket. I asked over and over, but she wouldn't tell me. Eventually she said I didn't owe her anything because her grandfather owns the Bruins, but she doesn't like to advertise that."

I think a lot of people can relate to being the "poor" friend, but people who grew up rich also had moments where they realized their financial privilege, and their experiences are actually kind of humbling:

17."Embarrassingly, I did not realize I was the rich friend until I was an adult. I never thought about money because it was never an issue, but I got cut off for dropping out of university. My bubble burst. It completely changed who I am. I realized what a spoiled little brat I was...I enrolled at a new school within a month, worked three jobs to pay for it, and busted my ass day and night to graduate with a 3.98 GPA. I worked my own connections — people who had never met my parents — got a sweet job, and now I’m not a spoiled dick."

—thelategreatnobody

18."I knew I was the rich friend in high school when everyone was scrambling for college scholarships while I relaxed, knowing my father had created a large college fund for me."

19."A friend I went to university with didn’t realize that not all houses are large enough to have names (e.g., Howitt Manor, Jubilee Cottage, Goldham House) and that most houses just have numbers. Even her friends who lived in apartments lived in 'the Penthouse.'"

—natfish88

20."I realized I was the 'rich' friend when my friends were talking about struggling to pay rent while I had just bought a BMW (albeit used and 5 years old)."

21."We weren’t rich, but more like the most 'okayish' family in a poor area. But we were the only family I knew that had one of those really old computers at home. We didn’t buy it; it was lent to us from my dad's work, but we thought it was pretty special and made us seem like millionaires."

—katns23

22."Back when I lived with my husband and my brother-in-law, who grew up not as well off as I did, they needed someone to mow the lawn. They asked me, but I didn’t know how. They were shocked. I didn’t really know how to do outside work because other people did it for us."

What about you? Did you ever have a moment where you realized you were the "poor" or the "rich" friend? Let me know in the comments below!

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.