People Shared Their Wedding Hot Takes, And I'm Preparing For War In The Comments
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their most controversial wedding opinions. Weddings bring out a lot of emotions for people, and that was evident even in these responses. We're about to have some married folks feeling super justified, and some others feeling a bit defensive. Let's just jump right into it:
1."I don't see any issue with guests wearing white to a wedding (provided it isn't an actual bridal gown). I've attended dozens of weddings, and have never once seen a guest 'outshine' the bride or be mistaken for the bride, regardless of what the guest was wearing. The bride is front and center during the whole production and always looks incredibly lovely because they are happy, excited, and in love! I've seen posts shaming guests for wearing white to weddings, despite the dress/outfit in question being VERY obviously not a bridal gown, and despite the guest looking far more casual than the bride. I simply don't understand what all the fuss is about."
—Anonymous
2."Wedding cakes are a complete waste of money and the tradition of smashing cake in each other's faces is not cute. Wedding cakes are overpriced, often not tasty, and primarily there for display. I’ve worked dozens of weddings where plates of half-eaten or untouched cake just sit around waiting to be thrown away. There are many better dessert ideas that are more delicious, don’t require plates, and speak to the couple's personality (donuts, decorated cookies, etc.). And, if my husband had pushed frosting in my face after paying to get my hair and makeup done, I would've been angry. There are plenty of ways for a couple to have fun at a wedding, but cake-in-the-face, to me, is just rude."
—Anonymous
3."Wedding speeches need to be banned. I don't want to sit through 40 minutes of people saying how much they love each other, how they watched the other person grow up, or reliving all their inside jokes — all while crying. Ugh. Stop. Do it in private. Just say congrats and get on with it. If you insist on having wedding speeches, please, PLEASE vet them or have them vetted by someone you trust. I have seen/heard some awful speeches that were inappropriate/too long/etc."
4."Flowers are overrated. I will be getting married in seven short weeks, and throughout this entire planning process, I've come to feel like flowers are a huge waste of money. Sure, centerpieces are pretty, but what's the point of them? They'll more than likely end up in the trash at the end of the night. Having good food and great company is all I think I'll remember, not lilies in a clear crystal vase!"
—Anonymous
5."Only a limited number of plus ones should be available. It's unfair the couple has to pay for partners (especially new ones) when it's really their friends and loved ones that they want at their day. Plus ones also contribute to a really messed up couple culture. God forbid you need to talk to someone new that's not your partner. I've ended friendships because former friends have been rude to single people at weddings. So often singles get stuck with elderly relatives. That might be the best table to be at, but if we're realistic, it's usually awkward for everyone if the single person is in their 20s or 30s. It bothers me and my fiancée so much, we try to avoid weddings. We're going to have a small group gather at the courthouse and then go out to dinner with everyone."
6."Don’t make the bridal party pay for their ugly dresses! If you can’t afford to buy them, you can’t afford bridesmaids."
7."A wedding is not the time to showcase how unique or niche your music taste is. Play some Whitney Houston and ABBA or don't invite me."
8."No one owes you free booze for attending their wedding. Some people don’t drink or they don’t want to see things get out of hand. If you can’t have fun without alcohol, don’t go. White wedding dresses are boring. I love that other cultures embrace colorful and sparkly dresses or traditional garments. We should wear whatever color suits us best rather than follow a lame tradition that started with a princess. Don’t go into debt trying to have a big party. Save that money for a house, a honeymoon, a car, etc."
9."Remember that, as a guest, it’s not your day. If you don’t like the ‘rules’ of the wedding set by the bride and groom, then don’t go. But, if you accept the invite, then follow the rules. If it’s a no-kids wedding, don’t ask to bring your kids. If it’s an outdoor wedding and you don’t like the heat, bring a fan. If the bride and groom are only serving BBQ and you don’t like it, eat before. A wedding invite is an invitation, not a summons."
10."Bachelor and bachelorette trips need to die. They are so unnecessary, so expensive, and usually not very fun — especially when you’re going to a city where every day is packed full of activities. It's exhausting. A beach trip where you have some plans but also some flexibility (and it's established that it's entirely optional without shaming anyone who can’t make it) is fine. But, for the love of god, STOP GOING TO NASHVILLE FOR YOUR BACHELORETTE TRIP."
"HOWEVER, IF YOU ARE DOING A TRIP: Please actually consider what the bride would want to do. ALSO, don’t book absolutely everything in advance and then require everyone attending to pay for and participate in everything. Have some pre-planned options, but leave space for people to choose not to do everything. Above all else, make it clear that while everyone is there to celebrate the bride, you are all entitled to skip out on activities or plans if you want to rest, if you can’t afford it, or even if you simply don’t want to go out on Broadway for the third night in a row!"
11."The tradition of fathers or male family members giving the bride away is disgusting. It’s an archaic, misogynistic, ridiculous practice that treats women like property. Pair that with the ridiculous purity ideas that already are twisted up in the father-daughter relationship and it’s all garbage. Booo."
12."You should be able to do whatever you want for your special day (destination, middle of the week, no kids, etc.) without the bride, groom, or guests getting offended. I got married on a Friday. A ton of people told me, 'Well, not everyone can take off work, so that’s rude.' I told them: 'I’m giving everyone plenty of notice to take time off. It's okay if it's important to them or if it's not. We are still friends/family. I’m not going to change my wedding for them and they don’t have to adjust their lives for me.' No drama came from me or my husband, but other people always have too many opinions over what a ceremony should be instead of just enjoying two people joining together."
13."Dear Bride: It is not 'your day.' You're not a spoiled five-year-old having a birthday party. You are celebrating your love with your partner, your family, and your friends. None of them should be afraid of 'stealing your thunder.' They should all be allowed to be themselves, wear what makes them comfortable, spend only what they want to, and enjoy the day. If someone announces their pregnancy or gets engaged at my wedding, that would only make the day more special and filled with love!"
14."Most of the traditions and 'games' are tacky. Don’t throw the bouquet, don’t throw the garter, and don’t take off each other’s shoes to play the 'who is more likely…' game. Y’all are grown adults. We literally do not care. I love attending my friends’ weddings and have been in several, but these are the things that give me the biggest cringe."
15."Beyond the legal documents, I think most of the wedding industry is a scam. Diamond rings are a marketing ploy, bridesmaids shouldn't have to pay for an expensive dress they don't get to pick out, and wedding costs are marked up for no reason other than businesses knowing they can get away with it. And can we talk about how misogynistic the traditions are? The white dress representing virginity, dad giving away the bride, etc. As someone who's getting married soon, all I want is the paperwork and a small party with 20 people."
—Anonymous
16."Elope if you aren’t rich."
—Anonymous
17."If you have a friend/family member marrying you, your ceremony shouldn’t be their chance to test out their stand-up routine. Too much humor takes away from the seriousness of the event."
—Anonymous
18."If you’re part of the wedding party, you shouldn’t be obligated to buy a wedding gift. The commitment and expenses are more than enough."
19."As a former cater waiter: weddings should be child-free. A party with hot food, silverware, alcohol, and spilled drinks can be so dangerous for kids, and I can’t count how many drunk people I’ve seen drive their kids home."
—Anonymous
20."The glass clinking to make the couple kiss is such an annoying tradition. It’s loud and people do it at the most inappropriate times."
21."For the bride: stop expecting your friends to go broke for your wedding. And, while they should be there for you to make your wedding day less stressful, they are not your servants. For parents of the couple: if you're willing to give your child money to pay for their wedding, it shouldn't come with strings. Either give it and let them do what they want with it, or don't give them anything. Just because you paid for it doesn't mean you get to invite 100 of your closest friends to an event they want to keep small and intimate."
22."Big, fancy weddings are awesome. So what if they're expensive? If that’s how the couple wishes to celebrate their union, so be it! I’ve seen this take get torn to shreds on the Internet."
23."Cut the damn cake first. I love my people, but I am 100% there for the cake, and I don't wanna wait all night to get a sugar fix. Cutting the cake starts the party; the bouquet toss ends it."
24."Destination weddings are selfish and wedding guests shouldn't be obligated to spend large amounts of money to attend your wedding."
25."Ceremonies should be short. Long, drawn-out ceremonies lose the guests' attention. The best weddings go through that part quickly and get right to the reception."
26."Nobody cares about wedding favors, so stop wasting money on them. Half the time they just get thrown away."
27."The groom having to fetch the garter from the bride's thigh is SO uncomfortable to watch and experience. There are times when they’ll intentionally sexualize it to be funny, but meanwhile, the parents, grandparents, little cousins, and all your coworkers are watching! Talk about AWKWARD."
—Anonymous
28."If you propose at someone’s wedding, you are an attention seeker at best, or incredibly lazy at worst. Even if you are broke, don’t use a venue on someone else’s dime to propose. It’s disingenuous. That being said, of course, the exception is if you got permission and both parties GENUINELY want you to propose on their special day."
29.Finally: "You don't NEED to have a wedding. Have one if you want to and if it's important to you to have the ceremony and reception, but that's not the priority for all couples. The couples that go wedding-less and do a quick civil ceremony at city hall shouldn't get guilt-tripped for their decision."
—Anonymous
Basically, what I'm gathering from all of this is: do whatever the heck you want for your wedding. If you and your partner are happy, that's all that matters. You'll never please everyone!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
