Here's How Money Ruined These 16 People's Relationships
There aren't a lot of things that can mess up relationships quite like money.
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It can ruin romances, friendships, and even families.
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Here are 16 BuzzFeed Community members who know that better than anyone:
1."My kids' dad was drinking all our money. When I was on maternity leave he decided all our money should be paid to him, which I agreed to naively at the time. He spent everything on drinks and would complain about buying anything for me and the kids."
"Our first Christmas together with our first child he refused to buy anything Christmasy. So I was reduced to making a Christmas tree out of a cardboard box which I cut into the shape of a tree, and coloured in with baubles to stand in the corner of the room. His best friend that he had known since primary school came to visit for a few days, and we went out for a walk. It was autumn and it started to rain. I had on jeans, a jumper, and sandals as I had no shoes or coat. His friend asked me why I didn’t wear proper shoes and my coat, and I told him I didn’t have any. He asked why not and my ex replied he couldn’t afford it, even though all of our money was in his accounts.
Later he had a conversation with my ex about it and I heard him tell him he couldn’t afford it as he needed beer to be able to relax from the stress of being a new dad. When his friend left to go back upcountry he phoned me later in the day and told me he had left money under one of my flower pots to buy myself some shoes and a coat, and the same for the baby, but told me not to tell my ex otherwise he would end up taking the money for beer. He was an absolute angel doing that. I would like to say that was my wake up call and I left shortly afterward, but I didn’t, and by the time I left that relationship I had been so financially abused, among other things, that I was financially ruined and took years to get myself back on my feet." —RP050810
2."Money wasn't the main issue but it definitely put a strain on things. We started dating at the start of the pandemic and he lost his job. NBD to me but when he wanted to move out of his mom's place that's when I started to see the financial irresponsibility."
"He didn't want to wait 6 months until his birthday when the whole process would've been cheaper (and he would've been at his new job longer) and proceeded to complain about how expensive it all was. He bought a TV and computer before even putting down a deposit which he asked me for (I said no). He ended up losing the new job about a month later and was living on savings. He was always buying dumb shit he didn't need like a VR headset, but God forbid he spend $12 on a pack of batteries or six to replace his broken charging cable. Any date we went on or any trip to the store I was the one paying. It felt like taking care of an irresponsible teenager and you can't get wet for that.
There was a time of stark contrast in how I felt when he did take me on a date and he paid for the activity and I bought us food. It felt like a mutual relationship (the whole thing was very one-sided on my part but I was in my dumb bitch phase) in comparison to the rest of the relationship, where I started dreading doing anything involving money 'cause I knew he would complain about how much it costs or guilt me 'cause he wasn't working but always had drugs somehow. Financial compatibility is real y'all." —justchillman
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3."Not a partner but a sister. She convinced my mom to give her a big chunk of my dad's 401K money. My parents were far from wealthy and that cash would have helped them get better food and medical care. My sister and her husband (from a VERY wealthy family) needed it to pay back the loan his parents gave them to buy a house. They signed a promissory note to pay back the cash but after three payments they stopped and never paid another dime back. My dad cut her out of his will and left everything to myself and my daughter."
"In December 2009 I got a phone call from her after not speaking to her for almost a decade. What prompted that call? She was looking to beg me for money to help her keep her house. I barely said a word on the phone and hung up. They lost the house the following February." —geow1234
4."I inherited $400K. My boyfriend at the time thought that meant I was supposed to pay for everything."
"He quit his job to pursue his 'passions' which meant sitting on his ass doing nothing, while I was still working and the only source of income. He was completely ungrateful too, expecting me to come home and cook and clean after work while he sat around all day. I was being used 100%." —smp9886
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5."Together 11 years, sharing a bank account for 10 1/2. I thought his generosity was one of the things I loved about him and I felt we both had similar outlooks on money. First five years I made more than him so obviously, he never complained. Eventually, his salary started getting higher and surpassed mine (🤨 gee thanks, sexism). And that's when shit hit the fan."
"I started my own company after being egged on to do so because it had the potential to make more, but even before COVID hit I was down, I was depressed, I was in a very bad state. I’m social, and working by myself out of my house was miserable for me, especially when he would come home and claim that since I’m home all day the house should at least be clean and dinner made.
The first two years I still made a respectable amount of money w/ my own company (around $40K and he made six figures!) but apparently, that was a sign of just how LAZY I was.
It started with him feeling like he was allowed to buy frivolous things because he made more, then holding it against me that he was “supporting” me.
Every morning on his way to work he made it miserable for me by purposely making noise, turning lights on, etc. so that he could lecture me on how I should do my job, how little value I have, how he has to go to work and work three times as much as I do, how 'we' need to change our lifestyle.
Hours upon hours of a broken record that I learned to just sit through and cry about it later because all I wanted was for him to leave the house. Then I got an office space so he wasn’t around to judge and criticize how much and how often I worked but that turned into him saying I was wasting more of his money renting it and I wasn’t earning any more…
Three years and I realized it wasn’t because I couldn’t or wouldn’t — it was because I lost any sense of value or self-worth I had because he tore it down a bit more every day until I was a puddle.
So many times I bawled saying 'I wish I just had my old job so you would leave me alone.' I didn’t need him." —Grinchbettahavemymoney
6."When my dad died suddenly. His sisters came to my parents' house to 'comfort' me, my mom, and my sister. I overhear whispering to each other about how much money they’ll get from his will and then had the audacity to be upset with my dad because he left everything to my mom. To top it all off, my cousin (my dad's goddaughter) missed his wake and funeral because she won concert tickets to see a '90s boy band that she’s seen several times (she’s one of those people that will travel to watch the band). It’s been almost two years and my sister and I haven’t spoken to my aunts."
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7."Here is my advice. Never lend money to a family member. I have twice and it's ended badly for me because once the money has been lent, apparently it's greedy to want it back. My brothers and I haven’t spoken in 20 years and that is a direct result of lending them money."
8."I got married too young to a guy who had horrible money management and a major problem with impulse purchases."
"I got pregnant and knew that we'd need to figure something out for finances while I would be on my unpaid maternity leave. We were broke as it was because he couldn't bring himself to show up to work 40 hours a week and also had a problem with me working more than 15 hours a week because I should 'want to spend more time with him.' To put that into perspective, I'd count change from in-between the couch cushions to put gas in my car.
Anyway, I got approved for a credit card in my name which would sustain us during my maternity leave. The card arrived and was activated on June 1 with a credit limit of $7K. He got a hold of it and maxed it out completely by June 28. $7K spent on chocolate bars, sodas, Google play cards, scratch tickets, iced coffees, and cigarettes. The baby wasn't due until September 8. We had nothing. I had to go back to work three weeks postpartum as a server. I'm still paying off the debt." —samanthan4e344ecc1
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9."My (ex)husband had two adult kids from a former marriage. They constantly demanded money; it was the only time they reached out. I wanted to have my own child — not support able-bodied adult children. Our marriage ended over that and also my ex's decision to begin using an illegal drug. (More money wasted there.)"
10."I had an ex use up all my savings by constantly lying about an emergency or an issue and never paid me back. He totaled my car and I had to get a new loan for a car. I was financially unstable for years after dumping him."
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11."My abusive ex was terrible with money. He got into a mountain of debt 'upgrading' his car. We lived in a property my parents owned, and they decided to do him a solid and give him a break on rent so he could get his debt under control."
"Not only did he not put the money towards his debt, but he also kept racking up more, refused to move out when we broke up, and threatened to sue so he could get anything he had out in the house (like the new fridge). I made a fraction of what he did and ended up paying for all the bills and food. It was a nightmare.
Fast forward to when I met my now-husband. He was on unemployment insurance after getting laid off from his last job. We took turns paying for dates, he never defaulted on bills and didn’t have a mountain of debt. It was such a relief I regularly broke down in tears over it."
12."My mum and her sisters bought a cafe with the inheritance from their parents. Her sisters walked out on the business because they are selfish and lazy. They now want to sue my mum for their inheritance even though all the money is still tied up in the business that we continued to run without them. We do all the work and they think they are entitled to money even though they walked away and lied about why they were no longer working there. It has split the family, not just mum and her sisters but aunts and cousins as well."
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13."My earning potential has never been great, an ex of mine accused me of only being with them for their money, which wasn't the case."
"They messed with my head so much that I ended up paying all the bills and not having a penny left for myself, I didn't buy a single item of clothing in the last three years of the relationship, I also didn't eat breakfast or take anything to work for my lunch because I couldn't afford to pay for that much food. The relationship ended well over 10 years ago and even now I still have hang-ups about money and will never let anyone pay for something for me. My parents give me money for Christmas and birthdays and it's always a game of bank transfer hockey as I try to give it back to them.
If someone shows you who they are, then believe them and get out before you lose yourself." —SpikeyBlue
14."My husband and I have friends who were wealthy when we met them (and we were/are not) but due to his cancer and her illnesses lost their house and everything. They came to live with us for a short time and we loaned them money. When we decided to do so, my husband and I assumed we would never get the money back and we were OK with it, so we tried to make it a gift but the other couple insisted on paying us back. Now they avoid us. If we do run into them they talk about the money and how they are going to pay us back but we just don’t care about that. I just miss my friends..."
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15."My uncle was in charge of my grandfather's financials. When he suddenly passed away, my grandfather's stepkids took my uncle's jewelry and debit card (containing my grandpa's social security money) while he lay dying in the hospital and cleared him out completely. My dad, (my uncle's only biological brother) hasn't spoken to any of them since & only one of them ever apologized. They suck."
16."My small immediate family no longer has a relationship with my brother. He quietly stole a large sum of money over several years from us, including when one of us was sick."
"He was 25 when we caught him, found out everything we knew about his life was a lie and he couldn't stop lying (even used the opportunity to ask for more money when he was caught). He was still living at home and eventually asked to leave because it just wasn't safe to have him there (he still came back to pillage the house). It seemed like a lot of it was to impress his girlfriend & her family. We also learned about the awful fake stories he told about us to keep up this house of cards. It's been a couple of years, and he's never really apologized. never paid us back, or wanted to clear up the lies he told — he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. Only calls if he needs something or is trying to keep up appearances with his now wife's family. No one can trust any interaction with him. It's sad all around." —swrites
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