"I Hurt Myself Drinking Water Too Fast" And 41 Other Hilariously Brutal Moments That Made People Realize They're Old Now
Recently, Reddit user TheMntMan2002 asked, "What was your 'Oh shit. Am I getting old?' moment?" and the answers were hilariously relatable. Here's what people had to say that hit a *little* too close to home for me.
1."I drive a school bus for a living. Last week, I told my middle school riders to settle down: 'Guys, this isn't the Vengabus, save the party for when you get home.' And immediately, all my riders, in unison, asked, 'What's the Vengabus?'"
2."I started a game of hide and seek with my kids at the park. They got other kids to join, and it became a big thing. At one point, I was 'it' and went searching. I rounded a corner and heard 'SHHHHH. An adult is coming!' I instantly looked around until a half second later, I realized it was ME they were talking about."
3."I had a doctor that was younger than me. Like, a fully trained specialist. Blew my mind."
4."Reading stuff kids post online. My 15-year-old daughter showed me a three-second video one of her friends sent her. She laughed hysterically and played it again. I sat there thinking to myself, 'What the fuck is this stupid-ass shit?'”
"Same!!!! My 12-year-old showed me a video of a slice of bread; after one minute, it fell over. She was dying… I was like, ummmm, what??"
5."I realized I had a favorite grocery store. Not the chain, the physical store. For a while, I drove about six miles each way (I don't live in a huge place, so over about three miles, there's probably one closer) just to go to the 'good' Kroger."
"That particular grocery store spent a solid year rearranging everything, and every trip was a nightmare, but I was absolutely not going to a different one because it was still the best one."
6."Went to see my favorite band and thought, 'Man, this crowd looks old! Why is everyone.....oh no. Ohhhh nooooo.'"
7."I was shopping at Kroger, and the music playing was 'Misery Business' by Paramore followed by a My Chemical Romance song. We are the prime demographic now."
8."I have a Pandora radio for bands from the 2000s and late '90s like Paramore, MCR, Fall Out Boy, Andrew WK, etc. Every once in a while, it'll just toss in a song from the '70s. Why? They're all considered classic rock."
9."My older brother and I were at a club in San Diego, and they played the free shots song (shots, shots, shots everybody); instead of getting the free crappy booze, we used the opportunity to hit the bathroom without a line. We both made a sad realization that day."
10."Watching the VMAs and not knowing who anyone was."
11."I saw a picture of a GameStop sign saying they were buying retro consoles and the consoles listed were the Wii, Xbox 360, PS3, etc. Shit fucked me up man. :("
12."When I was a kid, antique stores sold things from the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s. Now they are selling things from the 1980s, 1990s, and even 2000s — things I owned as a kid."
"The same goes for the classic hits station in my hometown. When I used to listen with my dad about 20 years ago, they played 1950s–early 1970s music. Now they play stuff like Smash Mouth and Mariah Carey next to Elton John and music from the 1980s."
13."Apparently, I drive slower now, because every time I get on the freeway, it feels like I entered a NASCAR race."
14."I still can't wrap my head around the idea that people born in the 2000s are adults. Makes me feel like a time traveler."
"My kid quipped something about 'maybe that’s how it was for you back in the 1900s,' and I couldn’t say a damn thing."
15."I was assigned to train an old guy at work, and after three days, I found out he graduated with me. Ouch."
16."I got really excited about a vegetable chopper I brought from Amazon. I've been chopping literally everything."
17."When I got really excited about a new vacuum."
18."When your childhood becomes a Halloween costume."
19."Or when what was cool fashion when you were in high school becomes 'retro-chic' for teens and young adults."
"I literally saw a dress I wore for my ninth grade formal in a subreddit here about outfits. They were asking about homecoming dresses. The theme? Y2k. End me. It was the exact same dress."
20."When you're 40+ and there's a '90s-themed bar crawl in your neighborhood consisting of people in their early 20s dressed in what they think people in the '90s wore."
21."When I looked at a mirror and saw my mother."
22."The hot 25-year-old receptionist at the place that I get my hair cut told me, 'I’ll bet you were really good-looking when you were younger.' Ugh."
23."[I have to] scroll down two pages now to find my birth year."
24."I went to a strip club on my Vegas vacation. The first stripper to approach me made it absolutely clear that she liked older men. Why the fuck would she sit with me if she likes old...older...fuck."
25."I saw something the other day that was like, 'lol, remember when you used to have an app on your phone to make it a flashlight,' and I thought, uh, what do you mean 'used to?'"
26."There was this one time my kiddo and I were going somewhere. ... My kid: 'Dad, I want to drive! Can I?' Me: (joking): 'Sure, let me go inside and grab a couple of phone books so you can see over the dash.' My kid (interrupts): 'Dad, what's a phone book?' Oof. 😅"
27."Someone recently posted a picture of a landline telephone cord, and asked what it was."
28."I hurt myself drinking water too fast."
29.And — "I farted and threw out my back."
"In your 40s, you can hurt yourself brushing teeth, coughing weird, making a sudden movement that you hadn't thought out fully beforehand... Being old is being in constant pain to one degree or another. Whilst young, you can pass out on a pool table and be right as rain the next day. Old? If your pillow is even slightly askew, your neck is fucked for a solid week."
30."When I realized The Matrix is approximately a quarter century old. When I was a kid, movies a quarter century old were in black and white."
31."My son just bought a hoodie that had a lot of tags on it. He left the tags on the countertop instead of throwing them away. About five minutes ago, my husband saw them and said, 'What are these cards? The print is so damned small I can't tell if this is important or not.' He sounded like my dad. That statement coupled with the fact that my youngest will be 25 tomorrow has kinda got me feeling old."
32."When I realized that I was more annoyed than I should be at the teenage girls giggling and being ridiculous in line behind me."
33."I tried to pick up a girl in her mid-20s, and my friend warned me it may come across as creepy."
34."When people started listing '90s prices 'in today's money.'"
35."Going out with some younger workmates and they all get asked for ID at the front door of the pub, but when they see me, they wave me through and say, 'We don’t need to see yours.'"
36."We’ve been lamenting Firefly’s cancelation for over two decades. Kids born after Firefly was canceled can start to legally drink next year."
37."I jokingly said, 'What's wrong, someone drop a house on your sister?' And not a soul in the room understood the reference. Even better, they were talking about Footloose, and I said, 'I like the original,' and the response was, 'There was an original?'"
38."I got the senior discount at the weed store."
39."I was out rock climbing with friends, and one of their friends in her early 20s asked me, 'Do you still work?' I might have gray hair, but I was only 43. She got defensive pretty quick when the whole group called her out in it. 'Some people retire early!' 😂"
40."Saw Return of the Jedi when it first came out when I was 5. What the fuck do you mean, 40th Anniversary of Return of the Jedi???"
41."My coworker's daughter turned 10. I worked with her while she was pregnant, and then she gave birth. And now, her daughter is 10. Sheesh."
42.And finally, "When I had to ask my coworker what 'rizz' meant."
What made *you* realize you're "old?" Let us know in the comments below!
Submissions have been edited for length/clarity.
