21 Unbelievably Ridiculous Office Rules That I Don't Know How These People "Obeyed"
Recently, I came across a Quora thread that asked, "What office rule made you say 'You gotta be kidding me?'" It actually shocked me how out-of-touch these bosses are.
1."Banned all coffee-making devices and all outside coffee from home, restaurants, or coffee shops. Charged $1 per generic Keurig pod and $.50 in a coin-operated machine. The machine provided only enough water for about 2/3 of a cup. In my experience, nothing is a clearer indication of a company's character and culture than their coffee arrangements. This was one of the most aggressively toxic workplaces I've ever seen. Truly horrible."
2."'Outside a formally scheduled meeting, employees are not allowed to talk to anyone for more than two minutes.' This ended quickly after the staff started maliciously complying by just turning and walking away abruptly from managers and executives at the end of two minutes anytime they stopped to talk to them."
3."When I was promoted to a senior manager at a major public accounting firm, it meant a new office, a piece of wall art, and a plant. Our ‘plant service’ gave me a plant that I discovered liked a bit more light and a bit more water so I moved it closer to my window and gave it additional water beyond what the plant service gave it in their weekly visit. The plant thrived. One day, the plant service showed up with a measuring tape, and then started to take my plant away. I asked why and was told only partners could have a plant over 30 inches tall."
4."I worked at a place that instituted a new policy where if you were 10 minutes late, you were docked an hour. I have no idea if this was legal as it was in the early '80s, and I didn’t know what the rules were then. Anyway, I mentioned to a manager that if I was going to be more than 10 minutes late to work, I wouldn’t bother showing up until I was an hour late as I wasn’t going to work for free. He didn’t get what I was saying. Naturally, no one was ever less than an hour late after that. It didn’t take management long to realize their error and change the policy."
5."In my early days working in a lab, we were told we had to put expiry dates on all of our chemicals. As the most junior, this task was given to me. One month later, we had an inspection. The report came through that I’d not put an expiry date on the bottle of sand. This is used for heating baths (you fill a container with sand and heat that container — it spreads the heat evenly) so it was irrelevant how old it was. However, anything to keep the peace so I put an expiry date on it. The following month’s report had another complaint about the sand. 'But it’s got an expiry date on it,' was my plea. 'Yes, but October 15th, 65,000,1978 isn’t realistic,' came the reply. 'But that sand is already 200 million years old. It’s not going to go off before then.' The powers that be issued an edict – nothing was to have an expiry date more than three years hence. So, I was told I had to order new sand every three years in case the old stuff had gone off."
6."I worked in college athletics, and we had an athletics director that was controlling. One day, she sent the staff an email saying: 'Effective immediately, if you leave the building for ANY reason during the day, you are required to email me prior to leaving, telling me where you are going, why you’re leaving, and when you are returning.' Wait, what? Do we work in a prison? Fed up with the totalitarian state, one of my coworkers decided to answer fire with fire: 'I’m leaving to go up to the library to take a shit. They have the cleanest toilets on campus. This might take a while. I’ll be back when I’m done.' The next day, the new rule was revoked."
7."In 1967, heyday of the tiny miniskirt, writing on the chalk board above eye-level meant holding the back hem of the skirt down with one hand. Most of the younger female teachers solved this by wearing pants. We got a new, young, male principal, who announced at a staff meeting that all female teachers were to wear skirts. The next day, every single female teacher showed up in pants, even those who had to go out to buy a pair. This wasn't even a planned group action. Not another word was ever said."
8."At a company many years ago (early 1980s), I used Post-it Notes to mark comments on computer printouts. A supervisor saw me doing this and admonished me by stating that Post-it Notes were reserved for management. I responded with the fact that I had not known about that rule. He told me to stop and return the rest of the booklet to the supply cabinet. I stated that I had actually purchased the pack at the University of Minnesota bookstore, and they were actually mine."
9."One place I worked temp at told me I could only go to the bathroom at break time. WTF?! I told the manager my bladder is not on their clock, and I will not risk a urinary tract infection or an embarrassing accident holding it in for hours at a time. He insisted. I got my purse, went to the bathroom, then right out the door. Turned out I was in the early stages of pregnancy which is why I was going so much, but I didn’t know that yet. All I knew is I had to go and bad, and holding it was not an option!"
10."A friend at work used to like to make herself a cup of instant oatmeal when she came in using the boiling water tap. Then, she would sit with the cup on her desk and have a spoonful here and there while she worked. Then, a supervisor told her she was not allowed to eat at her desk. Others in the office often had their own mugs that they sipped, so she asked why could she not have a cup at her desk while everyone else did. Well, coffee, tea, and hot chocolate are different, because they're not food. They're drinks. But some people made cups of soup or ramen noodles in their cups; wasn’t that food? Well, yes, that was food, but it didn’t need a spoon. That’s right, you can drink ramen noodles or instant soup without a spoon, but oatmeal requires you to lift it to your mouth with a spoon. Mugs without spoons? OK. Mugs with spoons? Forbidden."
11."A company I worked for had a bit of a wet sock as the office secretary. She brought in a ridiculous rule regarding sugar. Because our sugar consumption was so high, we had to make our coffee, then take it to her for the sugar. She would unlock her cupboard and dispense some sugar for you. Ridiculous! I simply brought my own sugar to work."
12."'To be on time you must be in the building 15 minutes before your official shift start. You must be downstairs ready 10 minutes before.' Which meant prepping your area, and getting things ready all off the clock. If you were a supervisor, you were to be on the floor 15 minutes early. If you didn’t adhere, you were marked late. Two or more in a 30-day period and you were written up. It seemed kind of fishy, and all the management had an 'it’s just how things are' attitude. Me and a few others formally complained to the home office about it. After a few weeks, we got an email saying, 'You may clock in and begin your shift at its planned start time, but we’d sure appreciate if you showed some care and prep work ahead of time to ensure blah, blah, blah.' Yeah, I’m sure they’d appreciate it; that’s free labor."
13."I quit my job at a mom and pop lumber yard. I was a salesman and purchasing agent. The owner demanded I give him my card index file with all the names and phone numbers in it of customers and suppliers. He had a policy of buying those for new hires. I bought my own and never used his. He called me a liar and demanded 'his' files. I called the office manager, and she told him I refused to use the supplied one, and I did indeed buy the one I used. I told him I would give him any numbers out of it he wanted, but I was taking that with me. At one point, he reached for it, and I grabbed it first and explained there was no fucking way he was getting it."
14."The office manager decreed that only detectives could have lined paper pads as she believed they needed them. As a prosecutor, I used such pads in court. When told I couldn’t have them anymore, I simply made a template of lined paper on the PC with nice wide gaps between lines, photocopied off 500 sheets, and stapled them as pads. She saw me stapling the pads and had a hissy fit at the cost. We got lined pads!"
15."When I was working as a television anchor and reporter in local news in the 1980s, our general manager set a dress code rule. Any reporter on camera in the studio or in the field had to be in business attire — suit and tie for men, business suit for women. Fair enough. But one day, I’m doing a stand-up from the scene of a breaking news story. It’s recorded — not live. I’m halfway through my spiel when my videographer slowly leans away from the viewfinder, shaking his head. 'It ain’t working, is it,' I asked. 'Nope,' Chad said. 'Nobody wears a suit and tie to a forest fire.' The rule was rescinded that afternoon."
16."At my university, they once announced that, before we could agree to accept the terms of any software license, we had to send it to the university lawyer. The lawyer would then send it back all marked up with changes that would need to be made before it could be approved. It was never explained how we were supposed to get a major software company to change its licensing terms to accommodate our small university. I had to purchase one program out of my own pocket. I really needed it and did not have time to go through all the red tape. The policy did not last long as the absurdity of it quickly became clear, but I still could not believe that it was ever attempted."
17."We had a rule that every electronics box installed in the place where I worked had to have a special label tied on. This label gave lots of useful information about what the box was, what the part number was, the serial number of the box, etc. Right at the end, there was a section for any safety information. Unless there was any specific safety information for the box, it was normally left blank. New boss comes in, and decides that the safety instructions need to be filled in on all the labels. First, we had to work out what the safety instruction would be; most of these boxes were electronics, and while they may be a bit hefty, they didn’t contain any nasty chemicals or need to be handled with care, so picking something that was appropriate but obviously not there meant we started getting creative."
"One person decided that in the case of a large black box of electronics, roughly the size of four shoe boxes and weighing some 40 pounds, the most appropriate safety advice should be 'Do not swallow. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting."
18."Ink pens were locked in the boss’s office. Everyone received one ink pen. To get another pen, you had to turn in a non-working ink pen. You couldn’t just turn in any ink pen, it had to be the type you were given. You were allowed one ink pen every three months whether or not your old pen was still working. The boss ordered other supplies as needed but kept one pen from each order so he could match them up to keep people from turning in random pens."
19."One place I worked still expected everyone to wear formal business attire even if they never met any clients. Amazingly, they issued an email that announced a trial run of 'dress down Friday.' No guidance was given; it was just dress down. This experiment was to run for a month. After the second Friday, we received another email canceling all future dress down Fridays as some people had taken things too far. After a bit of discussion about what could have caused such a reaction, it was eventually revealed that some people wore jeans! Not scruffy jeans, jeans with holes in them, slung too low, or cut-offs. Just jeans."
20."All repairs on office equipment required three estimates. Our printer broke, and the receptionist called three companies to come and give us estimates. All three charged a $200 service call plus repairs making the minimum possible $600 plus repairs. If a repair company was called back to make the repairs, it would add an additional $200 for service call plus repairs for a total of $800 plus repairs. The first guy came out and said he could do the repairs for a total of $400. The receptionist did quick math and determined that $400 was $200 cheaper than just getting three estimates so she had the first guy fix it figuring she would be praised for saving $400 for two more estimates plus repairs. Nope, the office manager lady chewed her a new a-hole stating the rule was to get three estimates before allowing any work to be done. She could not comprehend that they saved about $600 or more."
—Jim
21.Finally, "One company I worked for required the window blinds remain at a prescribed distance from the floor, and be at a specific angle. They literally had 'office décor police' go office to office and measure the blinds to ensure that you were following the rules. I had the audacity to try to do work by closing the blinds one day to prevent glare on my computer screen. The CEO saw it and threatened to demote me."
Do you have an absurd office rule? Tell us in the comments below, or, if you prefer to share 100% anonymously, you can use this Google form.
Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.
