People Are Sharing The Biggest "Mistakes" They Made Because They Were Horny, And I'm Screaming
This week, Reddit user u/Sir_Baconstrips posed the question, "What's the biggest mistake you've made because you were horny?"
And so many people had stories to share! Here are some of the top-voted responses:
1."I was staying in a backpacker dorm with shared bathrooms. I had a thing for this guy staying there, and he was into me, but it’s hard to find a private spot when you're staying in dorms. So, we did what any horny 20-something would do. We fooled around in the shower. So, there we were. Me standing in the shower, water running, him below me, keeping busy. Next minute, we hear a German accent yell outside the door, 'Dude! You’re flooding the hallway.'"
"In his concentration and my preoccupation, we had managed to block the drain. We came out of the bathroom, and yep. The hallway was flooded. So, we spent the next hour or so mopping the hallway and introducing ourselves to the neighbors. And it leaked in the floor below, so we also had to tell the front desk."
2."This happened a couple of months ago. I was horny, so I went to masturbate in the bathroom 'cause I was staying in a hostel. I was having a good time, then I heard a glass window breaking. I looked down to see BLOOD pumping out of my dick like I opened a water tap. Turns out, some idiots were playing cricket and hit the ball straight into the glass window and broke it. The glass shard fell right on my erect penis."
"Fortunately, the bleeding stopped a few minutes after I lost my erection. Had to run to the emergency clinic. Thankfully, I didn't lose my dick."
3."About 10 years ago, I had a double lap dance in the back room of a strip club. They made promises, and I gave them my credit card. Nothing happened except me unsuccessfully trying to fight a four-figure credit card charge. I am not a smart man."
4."I got asked to dog-sit at a friend's parents house. She set me up with a blow-up mattress in the living room. I got a little bored, so I called my girlfriend, and we proceeded to have video sex right there in the living room. I got a text the next day saying there are cameras in the living room, and they are just for keeping an eye on the dog while they're away, but if I wanted to, I could turn them the other way. I was pretty embarrassed after that one."
5."My boyfriend’s sister slept with a couple guys she met on Craigslist. One guy she hooked up with waited for her to fall asleep after the deed and then stole her car. A couple months later, she hooked up with another guy who stole her PlayStation."
6."My sister got married to my brother-in-law when I was 18. I was his best man. We were finishing up getting ready at the church, and I was in one of the back rooms trying to get my tie tied. His younger stepsister who was my age had been helping out all day and the night before. She was really cute, and we had been flirty all weekend. She came into the room to get something, and I asked her if she knew how to tie a tie the right way. She came over to help, got up close, and gave me the sexy eyes. It just popped off. We locked the door and got down right before the ceremony. And again at the reception."
"Her dad was suspicious of me after the ceremony 'cause we weren’t being very subtle with flirting. The reception was at my family's property in the hills that has a very large house and field. Lots of people partying. He caught us coming downstairs from the bedrooms after. He lost his shit. He hated me. Every time our families hung out, he would be a dickhead. He wasn’t married to my brother-in-law's mom, but they’d been together a long time. It ended with them breaking up, and he moved with his daughter to Missouri."
7."I got out of a nightclub. IDK what got into me, if it was the mixture of alcohol and hormones, but I was extremely horny, literally wanted someone to rip off my clothes. I got an Uber and started flirting with him. We did a ton of stuff in a parking lot from 3–4:30 a.m. or so. I asked for his Snapchat, and the day after, he uploaded a video with who I think was his kids and wife. I didn’t know he was married; he didn’t even have a ring on or anything. I immediately blocked him."
8."A woman and I were chasing each other for over a year. When one of us was single, the other was not. Finally, we were both single and hooked up. We were having sex in her room while her roommate was home. My hookup worked at 8 p.m., so she got dressed and left. That’s when her roommate crawled into bed, and I had sex with her, too. The next day, it was over."
9."I ran across the street to a condom vending machine without checking. Got hit by a car and (thankfully only) broke my nose. Needless to say, the evening didn't end in bed with my girlfriend."
10."I was trying to get with a woman in college. We were texting, and I asked her what she was up to. She said she was training for a marathon and going to the gym. She asked if I wanted to come. I ended up running nine miles before I tagged out. So now I know how far I'd go to get laid: it's up to nine miles."
11."Got a porn site membership and forgot about it. Four months and like $150 later, I realized I messed up."
12."Jerked off to my crush's house on Google maps."
13."I said 'I love you' to my ex after six months of semi-casual dating lol. Had so much bad sex in college that the first time I was with someone who knew what they were doing, I thought it was love. Big yikes for me."
14."My guy was working his magic, making me quiver and see stars. I was so wound up, I asked for anal despite his size and lack of prep. Great sex ended with an anal fissure and blood everywhere."
15."I dated a friend's sister, and it ended the friendship. We were all in our twenties. She and I ended up being together more than five years and even moved across the country together (I call her the one I wasted my twenties on). Anyway, he hated me for dating her. And then hated me even more when we broke up. Just shitty all around."
16."Thought that my bottle of hand sanitizer was my bottle of lube."
17."I was hospitalized for a week in isolation. I was mostly fine. Got too horny and wanked a few off. One year later, I got a job at the place. Turns out the room I was in had a camera."
18."Got pregnant...Stupidly got super excited and told my husband to cum inside me. Christmas Eve turned into a very expensive present nine months later."
19."I decided to wank around 9 p.m. on a weekday. It made me sleepy. I fell asleep, missed the deadline for a programming assignment, and sent my previously A grade to a C-."
20."I had a seizure and instead of calling a doctor afterwards, I convinced my girlfriend that I was fine, and we had sex."
21."Gave him gas money to come down and pipe. Safe to say, I didn’t get my money’s worth."
22.And finally, "In 1996, my girlfriend and I were both 21 years old. I lived with my grandparents, and she lived with her strict Catholic parents. It was impossible to have sex at her house and not easy at mine, so I came up with a plan. I had a job driving a box van and was allowed to take it home every night. So, I set a futon up in the back of the box van, put a CD player back there, some incense, and candles. Picked her up one evening and drove out to some fig orchards, between the trees so nobody would see the van from the road. As we went further back down the row, it started to get muddy."
"Eventually, we careened off between two trees about 70 feet off the road and were dead stuck. I got out, shin deep in mud. We hiked out of this orchard into the nearest neighborhood. No cell phones in these days. We began knocking on doors, asking people if we could use their phone. I called a tow truck, and upon arriving, the driver told me he'd have to put straps on the fig trees to anchor to, and if he broke any trees, I'd have to pay the farmer thousands of dollars probably.
Fortunately no trees broke, he was able to finally get my van unstuck and out of the field. It cost me $440, which I didn't have so I had to call my uncle to borrow it. The whole damn thing was such a mess. I got her home close to midnight and had exactly zero sex that day. She never even saw the futon or had any idea what we were doing until I told her my failed plans as I was driving her home.
She stuck it out with me, dumb decisions and all. We were married for 14 years, and our children are 23 years old now. We divorced in 2013, but she's still like my best friend, so it's a fairly happy ending. What a classy guy, right? What woman wants to bang in the back of a box van? Lol. Horniness makes ya do some dumbass shit."
Have you ever made a mistake because you were horny? Share your experience in the comments below.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.